how do i convince my husband
Find a Conversation
how do i convince my husband
| Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm |
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

Pages
Seems to *me* if she's the one holding down the job then it's her say as to whether to stay, leave or pursue other options. Since he's not wanting to SAH, his situation wouldn't change in any significant manner, so IMO he doesn't have jurisdiction over what *she* does with *her* job. If she says they can afford it, which she has, I'm assuming that she means that they aren't going to be severely financially burdoned by her choice. If she decides to SAH, then it should be her responsibility to organize the finances so as to minimize the impact of her decision. But ultimately I still feel it's *her* decision. Now, certainly she might want to consider a compromise such as working part time or something similar, but why should she have to be miserable just because *he* thinks she should be working full time? I don't see any logical reason why he should have the final say on the matter unless the decision is going to be a serious detriment to the family finances, which doesn't sound at all like the situation as she's described.
Wytchy
Jennie
Jennie
Many mothers don't want to leave their newborns in someone else's care- especially their first. Those first 12 months are a time that she'll never get back and that she very reasonably wants to be there for.
Wytchy
<>
His *financial* situation would change and it appears that he thinks it would change in a significant manner. Anytime your decisions will have a significant impact on others, you owe it to others to consider those impacts. And in the case of a lifelong, mutually-agreed upon, mature, married relationship, i think you owe it to those others to get their support of that decision.
<>
Okay, if you want to look at it as his and hers, then she should quit her job, but not expect any financial assistance from him. After all, it is his money and it's his decision as to what to do with it. Hmmm, maybe he'll decide not to pay her car payment or her cable bill.. after all it is *his* money from *his* job.
<>
organize the money from *his* job .. but isn't that HIS jurisdiction and not hers?
<>
He shouldn't. They should reach the decision *together*.
<>
What about the situation as he would describe it?
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
Jennie
And for him to forbid her to have those 12 months with the baby, especially if she's brestfeeding, also sounds like a bad, immature and unreasonable stance to *me*. *shrugs*
Wytchy
Not necessarily. That depends on their finances, financial goals and prior discussions about financial responsiblity doesn't it? If my husband wanted to take 12 months off, to make life easier on him, and I said no, would I be unreasonable or immature?
Women can and do breast feed while working. One does not negate doing the other. Sure, it's easier if you stay home but easier on mom may not be the right choice for the family in light of their expectations going in and financial issues.
Pages