how do i convince my husband
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how do i convince my husband
| Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm |
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

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Is it "natural" for INFANTS and TODDLERS (under the age of 3) to be in group care, CARED FOR BY SUBSTITUTES WHO ARE UNRELATED TO THEM, FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME? How so?
*** You know all this talk about what is "natural" and what is a "natural" experience for a child and you are missing the big picture. What is *natural* for human beings is to thrive in a VARIETY of environments and situations. Going back to how it was in agrarian societies or debating the way in which human mammals behaved in the ice age is sort of pointless. Look through history...every culture and society has had different ways of dealing with this basic task: how do we rear and teach our young? How do we impart our values? How do we survive and teach our children to survive?
Throughout history different societies have come up with several different answers. Even the way children have been viewed has changed dramatically (with some societies believing the period of childhood was much shorter than our current beliefs) The role of fathers and mothers has also undergone various changes. Go to another country and you might be surprised what they consider "natural" in terms of child rearing. There isn't one standard because if there is anything that is standard about human beings is that we are flexible and adaptable. Development *wants* to happen and it invariably does, even in negative conditions (and you have yet to prove why DC is negative)
You are holding up ONE view in this thread that is very narrow. Fine, if that's the way you want to go about your life. But recognize that your views and your attitude about child rearing are not universal. We have a specific culture now and in this culture the use of day care and other providers is absolutely NATURAL. This model has existed for quite a long time. Long enough that we have among us adults who were reared in this way and they are normal, healthy, intelligent adults who are not emotionally crippled or rocking themselves back and forth every night because Mommy didn't breastfeed or Mommy went to work.
The working mother is here to stay. That fact is not going to change...and two parents working is a *very* natural thing in our society, as is the use of daycare.
"The true homeschooler must soldier on and make sure their kid ultimately does understand long division, even though a nature walk would be less stressful for everyone. Luckily for my and other parents, the strike ended and I learned long division from people who had a solid method for teaching it. People who undertake true homeschooling know going in that it is all on them to make sure their kid knows long division, can spell and all the other un-fun things."
Exactly!!! I would never call myself a homeschooler because I am always teaching things to my DD. That's like putting a band aid on my kid and then telling everyone I'm a nurse;) LOL!!
And it's very disingenuous to be throwing terms around just because you want to confuse people. Reminds me of all the mt3 threads when we all had to prove definitions of words. It's like "please use words as everyone undertands them or this whole thing we call language kinda breaks down!"
Your post is
Promise yourself to be strong so that nothing can disturb your peace of mind- Christian Larson
~aka~
I'm confused. If *your* homeschooling philosophy, basically boils down to homeschooling INSTEAD of having those subjects taught by paid teachers in a school, than how exactly can you claim to be homeschooling? Could you please elaborate?
"According to this homeschooling philosophy, I'm not homeschooling and neither are you."
Correction, according to *your* homeschooling philosophy, *you* are not homeschooling. However, this is hardly *my* philosophy, therefore you can't possibly decide whether *I* am homeschooling or not. Furthermore, you seem extremely troubled, even threatened that I have a very different philosophy when it comes to homeschooling, and that I do so in addition to sending my child to school? Why? Again, Could you please elaborate?
"When you enroll your child in school, you don't get to decide that they are just in it for the socialization."
I never claimed that I enrolled my child in school, just for the socialization. I said, primarily for social reasons/experiences. There is a difference. However, here is the my classic phrase on this topic (as anyone who has been here awhile can atest to LOL):
"I send my dd to school primarily for group socialization and educational experiences."
In other words, it is my belief that school tends to emphasize group socialization and educational experiences, rather than individualized learning experiences, hence the fundemental reason why we also homeschool. Thus by doing so, I feel that my dd gets the best of both worlds, meaning *both* group socialization and educational experiences, AS WELL AS, individualized learning experiences.
"You are claiming to do it yourself but the real work is being done by teachers-"
Actually, I'm claiming that the real work is done by *both* her teachers at school, AS WELL AS, her teachers at home (aka her father and I). We are simply focusing on different but equally important aspects of learning, meaning group socialization and educational experiences, AND individualized learning experiences.
"Momofhk is in the minority."
Yes, indeed I am LOL :)
"Sending your child to school for socialization is a cop-out. It is rude and it is disrespectful to the parents of the students that do send their kids to school for education."
From post 750:
"I never claimed that I enrolled my child in school, just for the socialization. I said, primarily for social reasons/experiences. There is a difference. However, here is the my classic phrase on this topic (as anyone who has been here awhile can atest to LOL):
"I send my dd to school primarily for group socialization and educational experiences."
In other words, it is my belief that school tends to emphasize group socialization and educational experiences, rather than individualized learning experiences, hence the fundemental reason why we also homeschool. Thus by doing so, I feel that my dd gets the best of both worlds, meaning *both* group socialization and educational experiences, AS WELL AS, individualized learning experiences."
"The hard part is assuming FULL responsibility for making sure the kid understands fractions and how to construct a written argument. Letting a paid teacher do that during the school day and then saying that you homeschool is an insult to the hardworking folk who actually do."
Why do you think it is the teacher's job to take FULL responsibility for a child's learning? Don't you think parent's should play an active role in their children's learning as well? What about a child's role in THEIR OWN learning? Is there something wrong with learning being a *joint* effort on the part of teachers AND parents AND children?
BTW, could you please explain why you think that the very real teaching that *both* teachers AND parents do, somehow detracts from, rather than complements the other?
"They thought it was easily do-able because they had always done what momfhk calls homeschooling."
Why do you pretend to know *my* homeschooling philosophy LOL? BTW, you do realize that I am a former teacher, right? Just curious.
"They have a full plan (and sometimes purchased curriculm and teacher guides)"
Well, I've certainly got that part covered. However, in all actuality, there's much more too it than simply having a full plan, purchased curriculm, and teacher guides LOL, as there's a great deal of learning that goes on outside of the "standard" curriculum.
BTW, IMHO one of the major flaws of our public educational system is that it is entirely dependent on a standarized system of learning: testing, testing, and more testing, rote learning and memorization, worksheets, workbooks, busy work primarily designed to do just that, keep kids busy, etc. No one seems to care what kids themselves want to learn about. Often there's very little emphasis on what is intrinsically motivating and exciting to children. And what about the arts? What about art, music, creative movement/dance, dramatic play, etc? Just because it isn't on the test at the end of the year doesn't mean it's not important. I mean, who cares about what kids themselves are interested in, right?
"And to CLAIM to be doing this work while letting paid teachers shoulder the actual responsibility of making sure the kid knows long division- blech!"
Again, Why do you think it is the teacher's job to take FULL responsibility for a child's learning? Don't you think parent's should play an active role in their children's learning as well? What about a child's role in THEIR OWN learning? Is there something wrong with learning being a *joint* effort on the part of teachers AND parents AND children?
"it's so insulting."
Actually, what is insulting is when a parent comes into a parent/teacher conference and asks, "Why isn't little Johnny reading yet," as if it is somehow the teacher's SOLE responsibility to teach little Johnny to read. Clearly, the responsibility lies not simply with the teacher, but also with the parents and the child as well.
Teachers are some of the most overworked, underpaid, underappreciated people in our society, and contrary to popular opinion (including yours I might add) they are simply not responsible for shouldering the FULL, ACTUAL, and SOLE responsibility of teaching children ALL that they need to know. Again Clearly, this responsibility lies not simply with the teacher, but also with the parents and the child as well.
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