how do i convince my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
how do i convince my husband
1841
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 11:45am
Yes, I think she'd fit in perfectly there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:03pm

My best girlfriend (WOHM) is actively trying to get her daughter *out* of dc *because* of the germ issue. Her daughter has been sick time after time and it's just getting ridiculous- she's having trouble at work because she's having to take so much time off due to illness. So there *are* WOHM's who use the "exposure to germs" reason for avoiding or trying to avoid dc.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:25pm

***So your advice is deceive him? That's a great example to set for the child..not to mention horrible for the relationship!***

You misunderstood me. If she is managing the finances, (or even if she isn't) she can take a look to see how things can be rearranged or more efficiently managed so as not to cause him needless concern. Then she can present this to him showing exactly *how* she came to the conclusion that they "can afford it".

***I worked part time for 7 of the 14 months I BF my twins. They didnt touch formula ever. Pumping isnt a big deal.***

Good for you. I was never able to pump more than one ounce. Not all women respond to a pump. Also, there are positive benefits to the skin to skin contact infants share with Mom at the breast.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:27pm

We homeschool on a regular daily basis in seven core areas: Reading, Writing, Math, Science, Art, Music, and Social Studies. During the school year/school week we try to do at least one activity from each subject (except for Reading where we do all four activites outlined below daily). Do we ever miss a subject, yes (just as sometimes a subject is missed in school). It happens :) During the summer, weekends, as well as on breaks we try to do several activities from each subject.

I don't know if every homeschooling philosophy embraces and intigrates the idea that children have their own, individual, intrinsic motivations and expectations of/for learning, as well as their personal styles, methods, and techniques for doing so, but ours certainly does. In other words, we actively encourage our dd to creatively explore her own interests and passions, in her own way and on her own terms, in addition to teaching/introducing her to the basics using more standardized methods.

With that said, here is an outline of the our daily on-going Reading activities. BTW, I'm going to make a separate post for each of the subjects, lest my posts get too long.

1. Individual reading - dd reads silently to herself (a minimum of one chapter daily).

Dd's Summer Book list

1. On the Banks of Plum Creek
2. Dr. Doolittle
3. Tuck Everlasting
4. Holes
5. Charile and Chocolate Factory
6. The Little Princess
7. Black Beauty
8. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
9. Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone
10. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
11. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (on ch. 18 of 22)

2. Parental Reading - Dh or I read to dd (a minimum of one chapter daily).

Our Summer Book List

1. Gregor the Overlander
2. Gregor the Overlander and the Prophecy of Bane
3. Midnight for Charlie Bone
4. Charlie Bone and the Time Twister
5. Charlie Bone and the Invisible Boy
6. Charlie Bone and the Castle of Mirrors
7. The Vile Village
8. The Hostile Hospital
9. The Carniverous Carival
10. The Slippery Slope
11. The Grim Grotto
12. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

3. Books on CD - Listening to books on cd. (a chapter or two daily).

Our Summer Books on CD List

1. The Miserable Mill
2. The Austere Academy
3. The Ersatz Elevator
4. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
5. Prince Caspian
6. The Voyage of the Dawn Treader

4. Reading Aloud - Dd reads aloud to dh or I (a chapter daily from one of her books).

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 12:27pm

Exactly. Thank you.

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 2:07pm

***As Mr. Spock would say "The needs of the many override the needs of the few". What if her working is good for the whole family? Do her wants still take center stage?***

The real question here is whether it truly *is* a need, or whether we're dealing with his wants versus her wants. If she says they can afford it, let's assume it's an issue of want on both sides of the issue. That being the case, yes, I do believe that her wants would take center stage in this case. If it is truly an issue of familial need versus personal want, then no- need comes first.

***Yes, she claims they can afford it but is she thinking about it rationally?...Having once been a new mother, I can tell you you don't always look at things logically.***

Having *also* been a new mother, I'm well aware of that fact. However, I'm also aware that mothers aren't the only ones prone to bouts of temporary irrationality. While mothers may become irrational at some things, fathers are known to become irrational regarding things like finances with the addition or pending arrival of a new baby. Is *he* being rational?

***You can't say he's putting more emphasis on money than family without knowing their finances. Perhaps it is he who has his family's best interest at heart and she is thinking only of herself.***

True- but just as that may be the case, it may *also* be the case that he *is* being financially irrational and placing finances above family. It's also highly possible that there is some undiscovered middle ground and that the truth lies somewhere in between. However, given the basic facts of the case as the poster presented them, I maintain that, taking the poster at her word, that if they can indeed afford her choice to sah, as she says, that it is, IMO, her -final- decision.

***Mothers can and do bond with their children while holding down jobs. Show me some evidence that suggests that working mothers don't bond as well as with their children as you imply.***

I am not implying anything of that nature. I am plainly stating that while that may indeed be true, IMO it is *more difficult* given that ones time is necessarily divided and focus is on quite a few other things in addition to that bond. IMO it's relatively easy to allow other things to take precedence. (Having seen this with WOH friends and family- both via observation and their own admissions.) Is it possible to have just as strong a bond? ABSOLUTELY! Is it probable even? SURE! Most parents do indeed take the additional effort to make that their reality. HOWEVER, some parents find it more important than the *want* of finances to make that bond their main focus. (By 'main focus' I mean both in priority and in time allotment.)

Wytchy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 2:26pm

"Look through history...every culture and society has had different ways of dealing with this basic task: how do we rear and teach our young? How do we impart our values? How do we survive and teach our children to survive?"

Hmm...Here's a link for you to read. BTW, here are a few excerpts.

http://www.naturalchild.com/peter_cook/ecc_ch1.html

"In seeking the best way to rear infants and meet their needs, it is instructive to consider our ancestral pedigree to gain some understanding of the common biological givens, which we all inherit as human beings. Breastfeeding mammals have been on earth for at least 100 million years. Those who were recognizably human extend back about 5 million years."

"It is safe to assume that, over the millennia, some 99% of all these mothers each successfully breastfed and nurtured her own daughter, who successfully grew up and did the same thing. All their sisters who failed to reach maturity and reproduce dropped out of the picture. It follows that, over millions of years, this pedigree selectively and efficiently bred for success and survival in all the essential aspects of healthy mothering."

"There is arguably no occupation available today for which a woman of child-bearing age is more specifically prepared by her pedigree than that of breastfeeding, nurturing and rearing her own infant."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 2:33pm

"You know all this talk about what is "natural" and what is a "natural" experience for a child and you are missing the big picture. What is *natural* for human beings is to thrive in a VARIETY of environments and situations."

Here are some more excerpts concerning this issue.

"What is the species-normal experience for human infants? Despite the cultural transformations which have occurred in some countries in recent millennia, and especially in recent centuries, anthropological studies of pre-industrial societies have suggested a remarkably unanimous answer."

"In spite of a great deal of cultural and geographical diversity, all of the infants drawn from pre-industrial communities shared certain common experiences during the first year:

membership in an extended family system with many caretakers
breastfeeding on demand, day and night
constant tactile stimulation by the body of the adult caretaker who carried the infant on her back or side, and slept with him
participation in all adult activities, with frequent sensorimotor stimulation
lack of set routines for feeding, sleeping and toileting
lack of restrictive clothing in a (semi) tropical climate."

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 2:45pm

"You are holding up ONE view in this thread that is very narrow. Fine, if that's the way you want to go about your life. But recognize that your views and your attitude about child rearing are not universal."

Again, here are some more excerpts concerning this issue.

http://www.naturalchild.com/peter_cook/ecc_ch1.html

"The fact that these experiences were universal in this group of 50 pre-industrial societies, despite great cultural and geographical diversity over five continents, gives confidence that they are a guide to the normal, appropriate and presumably healthy, early experiences for infants of our species and the adult behavior which provides such experiences. Since it is in accord with the behavior of our nearest primate relatives, it shows some essentials of the early inter-personal environment in which human infants and their mothers have evolved, and which are most likely to meet their respective and mutually-complementary needs in ways which promote emotional health."

"The mothers in those pre-industrial societies all had traditions and personal experiences which led them to follow these patterns, probably without consciously deliberating about what their infants’ needs were. Their customs and observations of mothering were in harmony with their own intuition and their infants’ promptings. Werner’s observations offer a well-grounded basic guide to the needs of all human infants, since we are all the one species."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2005
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 2:49pm
What is the source of this information? Oh, let me guess, the Natural Child????? Its time to find a more reliable source.

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