how do i convince my husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2004
how do i convince my husband
1841
Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 2:07pm

Mine, too! Mine has actually been diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder by numerous therapists (she keeps changing therapists when she gets the diagnosis). I'm not sure of exactly what the difference between NPD and sociopathy is -- I think they're on the same spectrum of "inability to empathize," but beyond that, I'm not sure.

Lovely.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 2:15pm

He was really weird about enforcing his community association's rules, though, wasn't he? One guy was seriously ill and couldn't mow his lawn, and the BTK guy was over there every day with a yardstick, just waiting till the grass got long enough to fine the guy? These things are enormous red flags to me. Non-psychos usually don't operate that way.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 2:18pm

Oh, you must email me. Momwriter can give you the addy.


At least yours goes to a therapist. Mine thinks that is for weak minded people. Well, until her daughter went after all the trauma last year, then it became courageous.


I shall ask my poor therapist the difference between narcisstic personality disorder and sociopath. Perhaps, it is the fact the personality order has not physically killed anyone?


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 2:20pm

I think the parents usually are a huge part of the problem. Scott Peterson's mother tried to set him up with dates just a few weeks after Laci went missing. Her body hadn't even been found. That's very, very strange behavior. A man growing up with a mother like that might not learn much about valuing other human beings.

I saw Stone Phillips interview the father of that serial killer who killed so many men (can't remember his name, but he was also a cannibalist). Stone asked the father if he would go back in time and accept his son's homosexuality, knowing that it would prevent all the murders, and the father said no. I mean, honestly, if you grow up with a father who would rather have you murder a dozen people than have sex with a man, you're probably going to have some issues.

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 2:26pm
I just tried to look it up, and from what I can glean from loads of psycho-babble... (LOL)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 2:27pm

What you say sounds right to me, and I think I need to get the book too.

I'm completely convinced I had a band teacher in high school who was a classic sociopath. He always left me alone, as I had been useful - we were in a play together and I sometimes fed him the lines sotto voce when he wasn't coming up with them. But he was a bubbling cauldron of barely repressed rage, had an enormous need for attention and control, he reduced people to tears on a regular basis on the slightest pretext (especially in public), had a need for stimulation I've never before seen (drank upwards of twenty cups of coffee a day, so much that he visibly shook and wore off part of his beard from a nervous tic of pawing at it) and was extremely charming to anyone "above" him in the system so that they had a hard time believing that kids weren't exaggerating his faults until he finally went so far as to make us march in place, heels up to our knees, in our black wool band uniforms in 90+ degree weather in the sun and high humidity playing the song we marched to over and over and over as punishment for having "humiliated him" with our performance in a competition - four kids fainted and he left them laying on the ground and still didn't stop until the chaperones announced they were going to call the police if he didn't. Fun guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 2:35pm

I'd love to chat with you via email, and any excuse to get in touch with mom_writer is a good one. I try not to dwell too much on my evil MIL (I get this nervous tic), but we could compare some of the more ridiculous stories. You could email me at agus987@yahoo.com, if you'd like.

--Agus "the worst thing about my MIL is that she's not the worst person in DH's family" Anois

Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 2:36pm
That's what I thought, too. I'm still not sure where these disorders differ, but they have a lot in common -- total disregard for the wellbeing of other creatures. I think they doubt that other people actually exist, is the problem.
Congratulations! I'm so happy to hear it. I just heard the good news and popped back over, just in case you were still checking in.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 2:43pm

I think we may have a book club going at this point.


We'll never get our nasty board rep to go away now.


"Now, the Stay at Home/Work debate posters are having a bookclub on The Sociopath Next Door. Can't they just read the Secret Life of Bees or These Lovely Bones or something?"


Did you faint? Were your parents furious?


"I do not want to be a princess! I want to be myself"

Mallory (age 3)

      &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 2:46pm
Hey, wouldn't that be fun?

Pages