how do i convince my husband
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how do i convince my husband
| Mon, 07-18-2005 - 4:09pm |
how do i convince my husband to let me at least job-share so i can take care of our 3 month old dd? he grew up with his mom working & all his friend's moms working. we can afford it if we cut back on some things, but he doesn't want to cut back & just doesn't understand someone wanting to be a stay at home mom...it doesn't help mycause that the grandmothers will babysit. i'm so unhappy about having to go back to work...he wants me to work full time 1 more year & just doesn't get it! i feel like my heart is being ripped from my chest every time i hink about it.

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You're reading too much into my statement. I'm merely saying that our species requires food to survive else we starve. Biology intended that that source of food come from our mothers, thus the reason they come equipped with mammary glands. That's it- simple point-end of story ;) That we evolved to adapt to other sources of nutrition out of necessity is great- but still not what we were designed to do. Is that bad? No. It's progress. It's survival. It's a sign of our "higher intelligence". But still- biology is what it is and the point remains that each biological mother's milk is tailor made to her own infant and is the way nature intended the species to survive/thrive. Do you disagree?
Wytchy
***Nope. Didn't claim to be.***
Certainly you can see how this might appear to be claiming just that...
"and they think like momof3t ... why should their kid spend 30 minutes on a bus and get home later when they can be with mom sooner."
***I based my *theory* on *observation*. I have no idea if it is right or not.***
Thank you for the clarification. Your previous statement was made so as to read like it was indeed the case. The whole "and they think like momof3t" part was what threw me.
***What I do know is 1) we have a high percentage of SAHMs, 2) we have a large number of kids going to extracurricular activities right after school and 3) pickup/dropoff is a chaotic nightmare.***
So- in other words, you were grossly speculating on the reasons based on the fact that these women were SAHMs? (Going back to the ""and they think like momof3t ... why should their kid spend 30 minutes on a bus and get home later when they can be with mom sooner." statement...)
***The rest I hypothesize from observations of many mothers and conversations with many mothers.***
Observations of? Conversations with SAHM's regarding their reasons, or WOHM's regarding what they *think* are the reasons? And are the drop offs/pick ups made almost exclusively *by* the SAHMs? *curious*
Wytchy
So- you care whether she is successful, but you could not care less whether she does or does not do what it takes in order to *be* successful... (?) To me that sounds as if you're done with parenting and have already sent her off on her own... What do you feel the role of a parent *is* during the mid-late teen years exactly? *curious*
Wytchy
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How could that throw you and how could that require clarification when it was accompanied by this: ***My personal take? ... None of that is fact ... just personal observation.***
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I was grossly speculation (i've said over and over that it was my personal observation) base on the fact that they're willing to sit in line for 30-40 minutes to pick up their kids.
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Ummm, the
Choose your friends by their character and your socks by their color. Choosing your socks by their character makes no sense and choosing your friends by their color is unthinkable.
Here is an outline of my Dd’s On-Going Summer Math Activities/Projects.
1. Multiplication - 2 digit multiplication, 3 digit multiplication, with and without regrouping.
2. Division - dividing by 1 digit divisors, dividing 2 digit numbers, dividing 3 digit numbers, dividing 4 digit numbers, dividing with remainders, dividing with zeros in the quotient.
3. Word/Math Problem Book - Dd has been making up her own Word/Math Problem Book.
Here’s an example:
1. Find the number exactly between 1 and 100.
2. Divide the number by 2.
3. Add 21.
4. Subtract 29.
5. Add 33.
4. Math Puzzles/Brain Teasers - (self explanatory)
5. Order of Operations - (self explanatory)
6. Math Games on the Computer - (self explanatory)
Here is an outline of Dd’s On-Going Summer Science Activities/Projects.
1. Bird watching - Her aunt sent her a pair of Bushnell Binoculars (supposedly something special lol) and a Field Guide to Birds of North America (she obsessed with birds, especially owls for some reason). She has identified about 20 different kinds of birds so far).
2. Gardening - Growing/Taking care of her own garden (watermelon, tomatoes, and various herbs).
3. Polishing Rocks/Rock Tumbling - Dd is learning to polish rocks through the various stages (coarse grit cycle 4-6 days, medium grit cycle 12-14 days, polishing cycle 7 days).
4. Making an A-Z Science Book - Dd is writing and illustrating a n A-Z science book.
For example:
A is for Atmosphere - A layer of gases that surround the earth.
B is for Big Bang - A huge explosion that made the universe.
C is for Constellation - A group of stars that form a form a picture in the sky.
5. Making an Animal Encyclopedia - Dd is writing and illustrating an animal encyclopedia. She has been working on this particular project for 2+ years and has 100+ entries.
6. Building/Launching Single Stage Rockets - (self explanatory)
7. Weekly trip to the local Science Museum.
8. Weekly trip to the local Zoo.
I'd say biology intended food to come from a readily available source, which would indeed most often be mom in times past,
Mondo
***I'd say biology intended food to come from a readily available source, which would indeed most often be mom in times past, but thanks to adaptation, the food can now be provided in a similar fashion by additional resources.***
So you're saying that you feel that it is more of a biological norm that infants be fed from whatever source was readily available, as opposed to nursing at their own mothers breast? Can you explain why breast milk is customized to a woman's own infants needs, as opposed to just being "a readily available source" for whatever infant happened to need feeding around said woman? *curious*
***Just as biology intended us to walk on our feet, and thanks to adaptation, we can use shoes to extend our capability.***
That isn't comparable to the situation. Utilizing other sources of food for infants doesn't "extend our capability", it merely offers an alternative. Also, while the advent of shoes can be viewed as protective and beneficial in all cases, the same cannot be said regarding alternative feeding situations for infants (except in cases of biological necessity- IOW, mother died, if no alternative is found, baby will starve/die). It would be more along the lines of saying that biology intended us to walk on our feet but thanks to adaptation we've learned that we can also crawl, walk on our hands etc. if need be. Not nearly as comfortable or convenient, but it'll get us from point A to point B just the same...
***WRT the OP, by the way, I do wish she'd clarify.***
As do I.
***I think we must just know different kinds of folks because I was serious when I said I don't know of a single guy who would ever ask his wife to work and not really need to.***
That could well be... (Knowing different kinds of folks). I happen to know of some who want their wives to work for the "example" they believe it provides to the children (a strong work ethic- forgetting, as I said previously, that sahm's work as well.) I know of others who want their wives to work so they can afford more 'toys' (cars, tractors, bigger house as a status symbol, fancier clothes, more/bigger/better vacations etc.)
***He may be thinking in terms of retirement, or health insurance, or something other than *food and shelter*, but stuff that I think is important, anyway.***
Yes- that stuff *is* important, but no so important IMO that 1-3yrs (or even 5-6) is going to make a huge impact if a mother wants to be home for her child during the early or even through the pre-school aged years. So long as she keeps herself employable (which is easier to do in many cases than some might think, especially with more and more companies recognizing that mothers are a highly desireable commodity (studies showing that mothers make great managers etc. etc. etc.)
***It's too hard to be part of a dual income family for most of us - to take it on lightly.***
Interesting... From the tone of many of the posts on this board and others, it seems to frequently be a choice and something that one often *desires* to do rather than something that one does out of necessity. Of course, I suppose that could be the human 'defense mechanism' in play- a perceived slight or judgement against ones position causing one to defend it and list all the benefits/positives etc. *ponders*
Wytchy
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