How do I get over guilt of working?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
How do I get over guilt of working?
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 9:29am
I hve been a SAHM for 6 1/2 years. I hve 2 kids, son age 2 1/2 and dgt age 6 1/2. I have the opportunity to return to to a career I very much enjoyed.

My son would have to be in daycare fron 8am till 530 M-F. And my dgt in before/after school care.

I'm more concerned about my son. I feel so horribly guilty about haivng someone else care for him most of his waking hours. But I really would like to return to work.

Please, I would like to hear form other Moms with simular schedule.

Will I ever get over the guilt and worry? I'm happy with the daycare I found and my son

has been there for 2 half days. I'm gradually introducing him to full time.

Any advice would be appreciated!


Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 7:07pm
Take a breath. I have found that there is only one thing, remotely, harmful about being a WM, and that is the guilt trip if you let yourself get sucked into it. Look at your situation objectively. Once you decide what you're going to do, do it and use your energy to make the best of it rather than wasting energy feeling guilty. Guilt will sap you of strength and cause you to second guess your decisions and abiltiies. Decide to get rid of it.

Is there any reason other than your feelings that you should be with your son that you would not want him in dc from 8-5:30? At 2 1/2, he can derive benefits from dc. There are other kids to play with and other people to teach him using different approaches than you would use. Also, you need to consider the impact of being home all day with a mom who would rather not be there. If you really want to go back to work, you aren't doing anyone any favors by SAH. Who wants to be with an unhappy mom 24 x 7? Keep in mind that any decision you make is not permanent. Try it for 6 months and reevaluate your situation then.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 9:17pm
Delurking to comment.

In my opinion you have to make the best choice for your family's situaton, and then let go of the what if's. Its sounds like your kids have a caring and wonderful mother. Trust yourself to find a good (or even great) day care situation that will add to the fullness of your children's lives, not take anything away from them. When you are with them, be with them, when you are not,know you are doing what's best for your family and leave the guilt in the trunk of your car.

Take care.

Avatar for laurenmom2boys
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 04-06-2003 - 9:27pm
Exactly! That's how I dealt with my boys being in DC when they were small. I just knew that what I was doing was best for our family as a whole. You can't feel guilty when you're doing the best you can for your family.

To the OP... be gentle with yourself. Give yourself a break. And enjoy every moment you are with your children.