How do you do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
How do you do it?
1345
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 8:31pm
I hope I don't start a big controversy, but this is a debate board right?

I just have to ask those working moms....How do you do it?????

I am a Step-mom to two boys ages 6 and 9. I have a three year old that has been in minimal nursery school since he was one. He only goes three days a week for a couple of hours.

My step-sons BM (birth mother) just had a baby with her BF and this is her schedule:

She drops my step-sons at school to the morning-care program at 7:15AM (school starts at 8:45AM). She then drives her three month old baby to an in-home sitter that has five or six other kids at 7:45AM and then goes to work. She picks the baby up at 6:00PM and then she picks my SS up from after-care at 6:15PM (their school is over at 3:10PM). So my ss's are at school each day for 11 hours and the three month old baby is at a sitters for 10 hours each day!

Doesn't that seem like a lot! I just don't understand this. I offered to watch my SS's and she let me for two weeks and then got mad at my DH and put them back in the scholl child care program.

Why would you bother having children if someone else is going to raise them for you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 8:17pm
I concur. WELL SAID!!

Nancy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 8:49pm

I've worked in the ECE field for 13 years. . .how, exactly, are my morals, values, and ethics "pretty extensively" different than yours or anyone elses?

Virgo
Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 9:08pm
Here's a solution although it's not easy. My husband and I have four children ages 2-12.

He worked days and I worked part-time nights. Although it's a strain because we don't really have time together, it really benefits our kids. Now even though I am a SAH mom I can still continue my education with out having to worry that my children are"being raised by someone else." There is always a parent there. I have been on both sides of the fence and think that the parents need to come to the decision of what's best in thier circumstances.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 9:54pm
<<>>

Why is that sad? I have been taking my son to preschool since he was 2 yrs old. He used to go 2 days per week, and when he was 3 he went 3 days per week. He is now 4 and goes 3 days per week as well. He has gone on those days from 9:15-1:15. It is GREAT for him to get to play with other children, and it prepares him for kindergarten. I am a SAHM, because I think it is best for my children. It allows me to spend extra time with them, it allows me to drive my oldest to and from school, it allows me to (when my son is at his school) to have time with my youngest for a few hours alone, and so much more. This is what is great for MY family. So tell me what is sad, or selfish here??



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 12-20-2003 - 10:05pm
Hey Guess what, I'm almost 50 (within a couple of years), I've got got kids 4,6, 8. Yes, I'll be really old before they get to college, and I have no regrets. Sometimes my kids were in daycare, sometimes they were with grandma, sometimes they were with me or their father. I have no regrets about the the time I have spent with my kids.

I have a career that gives me the flexibility to work from home, so does my husband. We fight over our home office. Both of us can be home 24/7 but our youngest still goes to daycare. Between us, we go on all field trips and attend all schools events. We split homeroom duties with our two school age kids, but I don;t know if we will be able to do that when the third reaches school age. With three you;re just outnumbered.

I had my first kid at 39. I have an established career...and the flexibility most do not have. I can work from home, part-time, off-hours in a very responsible job that is the envy of all my peers. With three kids, my husband and I divided up our allowable leave- I took a 1 year off with the first two and he took a year off with the last one.

Daycare definely helped me raise my children. When I have my first at 39, I loved her immediately, but I had nor clue on what to do with her beyond the basics - she was well-fed, well-read, etc but.... I and my husband were scientists, not child specialists..

So -being 50 isn't so scary, I've got a flexible career, 3 young children, a not-big-enough college fund, and I;m having the time of my life.



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 1:45am
I use the term birthmother quite a bit, I was adopted. I have a birth parent or biological mother and father and mom and dad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 2:03am
Problem is SAHM she has custody and you could take her back to court however; she is taking care of the children and although you do not like it she is entitled to make a living. You would complain if she sat at home and your husband had to support her.

The children as you mentioned maybe disrespectful but that happens in two parent homes just as well and maybe with the divorce she has tried to placate them .

Also children get into trouble. The c's and d's falls on the child. Maybe the child is a slow learner. Or maybe the divorce bothered the child alot of factors factor into it.

I think you are looking for an excuse to reverse custody and it's ashame. Your husband has to include child care.

They are not your children they are hers and his and she has custody so far I don't see anything to reverse custody for. I do however; see a step parent interfering with the relationship of a parent that could be used against your husband and limit his involvement with the children. If this mother finds out that you have posted this over the internet and documents this. You are in a world of trouble. Defamation comes to mind. Harrassment among a great other things that could leave you liable.

You may not like that she is a working mother. You may not like that she doesn't trust you or want you watching her children and that is her perogrative. However; so far she isn't doing anything but being responsible and taking care of the children and supporting herself. So what if she has a boyfriend. Your husband found you . Does that mean she should stay single just cause your husband and her divorced . Come on. Quit hiding behind the facade your just trying to make an excuse why you want to take her back to court.

Guess what many posters on here got the jist from your wording and it's sad that you are doing this to the children and to their mother. Although I do not like daycare for my own reasons and haven't used that or latchkey. I think they are valuable services for people that do work and parenting styles vary. You need to be more respectful.

b

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 2:10am
In our state we have a law that states that a 3rd party can not interfere with the rights of parenting of a child. Which means that if grandma and grandpa want to visit, or babysit I as a parent can say no it's not happening. If my ex's family interfered , or if he was currently married the stepmother wouldn't be able to interfere.

And there might be one on the books in your state as well. She can state that she doesn't want either of you to babysit. You have your visitation. Those are your rights. If the judge wants to further it then he will. However; she can give specifics as to why she doesn't want his parents to babysit and they have to accept them. In some states grandparents do not have any rights your state might be one of them.

Secondly she doesn't have to have anything to do with you or your child. All the contact she has to have is with your husband the father of their children. All correspondence can be done through legal representation and then what you do.

Especially since she has custody of these children. And she is providing a home and working. You have no merit of a case. bb

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 2:16am
It is me again:

It's amazing after the divorce the cp becomes god awful. However; when they are creating the children they are the best thing since slice bread. It's amazing how the stepmothers and step parents just jump into the mix when it's between the two that created the children.

It's sounding more and more like New wife here is jealous of old wife and wants more control in the situation. They might even charge mom with contempt that is forgiven the first couple times around and also even if she would get further with the contempt it could be dismissed. And also sometimes it's just a fine. Mom might surprise these folks with a good attorney that would blow these petty vindictive games out of the water.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 2:22am
SAHM

You are very vindictive and it's clear can't wait for the judge to see all this. He is going to have a field day reprimanding your husband.

As for your excuse she trapped him that would be with the first child right? Okay so the 2nd and 3rd child he was still trapped right. Please no one is buying that. You and your husband need a lesson in responsibility and accountability.

Also take your blinders off cause you might be an ex one day and the story will be told you trapped him.

Oh and he spent 40,000 in custody battle and lost yet you are attempting to do it again. You do realize the courts get tired of frivilous law suits especially in family court and your husband might not only have to pay for his attorney but her's as well and the court costs yet again.

Both your husband and your priorities are messed up and you need to step off step mom. And let dad and the mom of these boys resolve their differences. Concentrate on your own child.

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