How do you do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
How do you do it?
1345
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 8:31pm
I hope I don't start a big controversy, but this is a debate board right?

I just have to ask those working moms....How do you do it?????

I am a Step-mom to two boys ages 6 and 9. I have a three year old that has been in minimal nursery school since he was one. He only goes three days a week for a couple of hours.

My step-sons BM (birth mother) just had a baby with her BF and this is her schedule:

She drops my step-sons at school to the morning-care program at 7:15AM (school starts at 8:45AM). She then drives her three month old baby to an in-home sitter that has five or six other kids at 7:45AM and then goes to work. She picks the baby up at 6:00PM and then she picks my SS up from after-care at 6:15PM (their school is over at 3:10PM). So my ss's are at school each day for 11 hours and the three month old baby is at a sitters for 10 hours each day!

Doesn't that seem like a lot! I just don't understand this. I offered to watch my SS's and she let me for two weeks and then got mad at my DH and put them back in the scholl child care program.

Why would you bother having children if someone else is going to raise them for you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 4:38am
Thanks!! I do feel out of touch sometimes. It sounds very cute actually.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 4:48am
How heavy are your winters? Snow boots are essential where I live, even if there is no snow. We must buy excellent ones because we have never had problems with stinking and they keep the feet completely dry and very warm. We get fur-lined, goretex (waterproof but breathable) boots.

"She has an old set to play in the snow that were mine but she never did much of it cause it was cold and she doesn't like it. We have everything shoveled for when she goes to school so she can wear regular shoes."

Maybe she doesn't enjoy playing in the snow because she isn't properly dressed for it? Our kids love being out in the snow and don't mind the cold at all, but then they have proper winter boots, snow overalls (goretex), sweaters, scarfs and waterproof (goretex) gloves (in addition to the usual clothing and underclothing). They don't seem to mind the cold, which is a good thing considering that children are expected to be outside for at least an hour or two every day at school/dc regardless of weather conditions (they go out in rain, snow, sleet, wind etc.).


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 5:06am
Why will that be true when I'm 50 if it's not true now when I'm 43 and my son is grown? I don't regret that time for an instant because that time meant my son got fed, wore suitable clothing for the season, had access to medical care, lived in a warm house, in a good neighborhood and attended good schools.

I'm supposed to be ashamed that my working provided that for him?

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 5:16am
Yep. My DH's base salary is chicken feed, relatively speaking. And yes, his commissions and bonuses add up to more than his salary. He also gets a considerable car expense each month -- the company pays him XX, which more than covers his car payment plus gas/service costs. They've also bought him a top of the line tablet notebook and one of those way cool PDA/email phones (the one I'm salavating for).

$175K is in the low range for an SVP of Sales. While my DH "just" gets bonuses based on meeting his number, an SVP gets bonuses based on how the company and his department perform.

outside_the_box_mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 7:04am
Your post brought tears to my eyes. Your dd sounds like an amazing young woman. Good job mom!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 7:16am
Problem is, there is nothing about WOH that prevents you from raising your own kids! You are, however, correct that life is short. Short enough that you really need to get an early start on things like retirement and college savings. The years when we have young children at home are few and go qhickly. Too quickly to derail a career for and gamble with your retirement. Sure there are plenty of years to work later IF your health holds out and you have the energy. I'm 44 and can't believe how much I've slowed down in the past few years.
Avatar for ahlmommy
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 8:46am
<<>>

Yes you are right here.

<<>>

See this is where I don't agree with you. I have been a SAHM for 4 1/2 years. I will be home for another 3 1/2 years when my youngest goes to kindergarten. We live a lifestyle of one income. We decided that when I quit working that when I returned to work that we would continue that lifestyle and bank my entire paycheck for at leat 2 to 3 years. This will MORE than make up for the retirement savings that we didn't contribute to while I was SAH. My husband has a 401K at his job, and he stills contributes the same amount that he did before I quit working. So his hasn't changed. We have investment accounts that my salary will go to when I return to work that are part of our retirement. When I return to work in 3 1/2 years I will be 37 years old. We sat down that thought all this out. You can say if your health holds out, if this if that...but I could say the same to you. If you health doesn't hold out and you have to quit tomorrow then what? We can't live our lives with a bunch of what if's. It just isn't worthy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 9:33am
Where I live you can't make do with spare shoes. Did you see where I said we have had over 4 feet already this year? Approx. 2 of that has been on the ground consistently for several weeks. Children here go outside for recess daily in that snow, and they won't even let kids go out unless they are properly dressed for it, which includes boots high enough so the snow doesn't go straight down the top of them. Parking lots are not down to bare pavement, there is an inch or so of sandy salty slush in them most of the year from November to April, fact of life, you'd ruin shoes the first time out in and have cold wet feet if you tried. Kids' feet will not be sweaty or cold in good quality, properly fitting boots.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 10:24am
When deployed we have additional allowances to try to 'compensate' for all that WE endure.
Virgo
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Sun, 12-21-2003 - 11:07am
You don't have to agree with me there. You can take whatever chances with your life and your family's future you want to. I'm not going to gamble with my retirement and risk becomming a burden to my kids in my old age. If you choose to, go right ahead. Chances are you'll be fine but some won't.

The years we are moms to young children are very short indeed, IMO, too short to derail a career for.

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