How do you do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
How do you do it?
1345
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 8:31pm
I hope I don't start a big controversy, but this is a debate board right?

I just have to ask those working moms....How do you do it?????

I am a Step-mom to two boys ages 6 and 9. I have a three year old that has been in minimal nursery school since he was one. He only goes three days a week for a couple of hours.

My step-sons BM (birth mother) just had a baby with her BF and this is her schedule:

She drops my step-sons at school to the morning-care program at 7:15AM (school starts at 8:45AM). She then drives her three month old baby to an in-home sitter that has five or six other kids at 7:45AM and then goes to work. She picks the baby up at 6:00PM and then she picks my SS up from after-care at 6:15PM (their school is over at 3:10PM). So my ss's are at school each day for 11 hours and the three month old baby is at a sitters for 10 hours each day!

Doesn't that seem like a lot! I just don't understand this. I offered to watch my SS's and she let me for two weeks and then got mad at my DH and put them back in the scholl child care program.

Why would you bother having children if someone else is going to raise them for you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 9:58pm
Acutally, I have Graves however; by them giving me radiation therapy to treat it, it made me hypo which is regualted by medicine to replace the malfunction of the thyroid. And yes I do wear proper clothing but also I have more than one autoimmune disease that makes me susceptible to the cold. Which once I am cold throws everything off. And the cold air whether you have coats, hats, long underwear, sweatshirts, turtle necks and what have you on your still cold outside and it causes a great deal of problems. It also affects how well I can breathe. Which I can't in the cold. And clothing isn't going to help that. The cold air compresses my lungs. So the pulmonologist says stay out of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 10:08pm
Wrong mom has every right she gave birth to the children to have a say over who is around her children. She has every right to say hey look Dad is either going to watch him during visitation or we will go into court and argue this I do not want my children around that person.

She can state it that way just as dad can say hey look I do not like boyfriend, husband.

And by the way if she wants the boy to have socialization set up play dates with other children from church. Nursery school and preschool are just about the same. I have taught preschool and it's the same.

As far biological mom depending upon which state she is in she can take out an injunction stating 3rd party intereference in the raising of her child and name step mother as the contributing factor and then Dad would be up a boat without a oar. Cause if in her state they have that either dad has to watch them or no one. And I am sure the mother has her reasons we don't know them.

However; these boys are not this ladies children they are her husbands from his first wife who I might add has already won custody twice not once. So I think after the 2nd time of attempting this dad and step mom should just accept they have visitation and move on with it. Other wise they will live their lives in a court room and it sounds if mom now has a backer which may or may not be her husband step mom and dad can't say for sure and even if they took it into court they could if not married get married then there wouldn't be grounds for that argument.

You have to also look that the maternal relationship of the third child is set there and they do not like to separate children from that. In addition past history shows mother was raising the boys and if were in daycare with previous husband the argument is mute now cause he didn't object then but is arguing for it now which shows vindictiveness.

So it could be dismissed altogether. Another you might want to consider is the laws that govern the decree she has already went through a custodial hearing where she wasn't found negligent or incompetent therefore; based upon anything brought into suggesting that can be filed however it can be dismissed as easily. An the argument can be made that dad just married this last year for the purpose none other then to seek custody and manipulate the judgement in place if it is presented by her attorney.

So all in all it could happen there are definitely some valid arguments that legally could thwart dad there. Depending again on what state.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 10:13pm
Crisi:

Children act up whether they are at their father's house or mother's house children hit and this was a small child hitting their mother. Big whoop. This lady is blowing this out of proportion. I see children small children hit their mother's in the grocery store. And the mother did address the child. Step mother rushed out and wanted to show off and undermind custodial mother's authority. To genuinely help then criticize is the most rudest thing not to mention how she backstabbed the lade on this message board.

I bet if a copy of these posts were forwared to the biological mother she could make a very good case for interuption of parenting and Dad there would be on a tight leash. Not to mention have grounds for defamation an a whole host of other things that could be brought in civil court not only family court.

And the best interests of the children might not be with a woman who openly hates this lady. The best thing for the children the judge has decides is to be with their mother. Notice dad already lost custody twice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 10:18pm
Reis I have graves, and hypothyroidism is a result of the radiation therapy and the tapazole, however; my thyroid still shoots off the hormone and I am under two endocrinologist right now for that very problem they call it mulitple endocrine failure. I was told surgery wasn't an option to remove the thyroid for myself. I have asked till I am blue in the face because it regenerates and I have batted it back an forth for over 10 years. They simply do not want to remove it.

I have been given iron supplements to elevate the blood to decrease the sensitivity only to have them to stop it. They are balancing two different levels of the levoyl and with the Addisons the cortisone with sugar medicine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 10:22pm
i have it on over 50+% of my body, with large patches as well on my legs, lower back, elbows, scalp and in my ears. I try to stay on top of it otherwise it is itchy -- but scratching it just makes it that much worse.

I'm sorry for all you must be going through.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Thu, 12-25-2003 - 10:45pm
Eileen:

I am sorry that you have that as well. That must be very frustrating I have seen it and knowing it's just so itchy. I saw a child with it and the child kept scratching to where it was bleeding. I know they have the topical solutions and they have the pills to take for some of these things but really they need to get on the ball to curing some of these things so that we don't have to continually be so uncomfortable.

I break out on my scalp and the dermatologist gives me topical solutions, and creams and certain shampoos and it's frustrating. So you are in my thoughts.

You have good and bad days with all these things. The way I look at it the diseases might have our bodies but not our souls and it's what you do inspite of. :)
Avatar for katieiswaiting
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 8:01am
How do they do it? Easy, they just do it and don't think twice about it. There are different reasons why they do it: some are financially strapped and must work; others just don't want to be bothered with raising their children. Most people choose their lifestyles according to what is "society-sanctioned" and not according to what is best for their children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 8:42am
Why would I want to go to Miami? It would take me 8 hours to drive there, because, for your edification, Florida is a big state. I am talking about winterized boots, BTW. I own a pair, and my kids have winter boots in their closets. Once again, you are seeing FL as Miami Beach only.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 10:23am
i think you are SO totally WRONG. Sure there are different reasons why people work (and use childcare) -- some do it for the $, some do it because they enjoy their work -- but i have yet to see any working parent who is working to avoid being "bothered by raising their kids". ROFLOL! What a bunch of bull-dookie! Not that you'll understand, but wohps are EVERY BIT raising their kids as much as any SAH family. It approaches ludicrous to even think that a provider could "raise" a child in 40 hours per week with evenings, weekends, holidays and vacations off. And even MORE ludicrous is to think that those parents couldn't raise their children in the 128 HOURS per week (even though the dcp can do it in 40).

Oh, and those of us that use childcare are smart enough to know that we ARE raising our kids, day in and day out -- and that while face-time is important in raising them (and wohps have PLENTY of face-time), there are a myriad of things that are just as important.

<< Most people choose their lifestyles according to what is "society-sanctioned" and not according to what is best for their children.>>

Sorry, but i do what is best for our family as a whole -- and that does happen to be what's BEST for our children. I didn't choose my lifestyle because it is "society-sanctioned" -- what kind of garbage is that? I chose my lifestyle because it's the way that i want to raise my kids, it's the way i want to provide for my kids, it 's the way i can provide for all those "extras" i want my kids to have beyond mere "survival" (which is what we'd end up doing on one income).

I find your evaluation trite and without merit.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Fri, 12-26-2003 - 11:51am
Ummm, I wasn't talking to you, OK?

Besides, I'm quite sure you aren't allowed to drink alcohol, it's not a good idea with all that medication.

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