How do you do it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
How do you do it?
1345
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 8:31pm
I hope I don't start a big controversy, but this is a debate board right?

I just have to ask those working moms....How do you do it?????

I am a Step-mom to two boys ages 6 and 9. I have a three year old that has been in minimal nursery school since he was one. He only goes three days a week for a couple of hours.

My step-sons BM (birth mother) just had a baby with her BF and this is her schedule:

She drops my step-sons at school to the morning-care program at 7:15AM (school starts at 8:45AM). She then drives her three month old baby to an in-home sitter that has five or six other kids at 7:45AM and then goes to work. She picks the baby up at 6:00PM and then she picks my SS up from after-care at 6:15PM (their school is over at 3:10PM). So my ss's are at school each day for 11 hours and the three month old baby is at a sitters for 10 hours each day!

Doesn't that seem like a lot! I just don't understand this. I offered to watch my SS's and she let me for two weeks and then got mad at my DH and put them back in the scholl child care program.

Why would you bother having children if someone else is going to raise them for you?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
Sat, 12-27-2003 - 11:31pm
>>I am incredibly proud of my daughter, who did everything in the right order, she >>finished high school, went to college, got a good job, met her husband, had three >>children and now works part-time.

Wow, I really screwed up on this one! I started school, got married, had my first DS, got divorced, went back to school, got remarried, finished school and then had my second DS. Still waiting to get the good job.

:) I know this is the ideal order, I was just amazed at how much easier it would've been if I'd done it this way. Of course I kind of like having my first at 23, so I'll have time after they are out of high school to travel, etc.

Mary


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 12:18am
I think you recognize that your SS would be better served in your care. The questions is:

why hasn't your husband realized this fact? By this, I mean going down to your local courthouse and filing for custody. Obviously, you are in a better position as a family to take care of the children. Dad needs to get a back-bone and do his duty - which is to do what is in the best interest of the children. Please get him to see the light and act fast.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 12:20am
I agree, afterall if we don't support each other we allow ourselves to be used as doormats.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 2:25am
Grandma outwitted you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 2:28am


Well this is the way you did it and you will make the best of it. I finished high school, but dropped out of college after the first semester, got married before my husband shipped off to Vietnam and had two babies by the time I was 21. Got divorced, raised my kids with no help from ex. We all survived. I'm a young grandma. It's the harder road, but it's the one you're on and you'll do fine.

Hugs.

Grandma J

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 3:01am
I didi it differently, I graduated highschool midterm at 17 and moved out on my own. Worked two part time jobs, put myself through cosmetology school, got my license and went to work for one of the part time employers full time. Got pneumonia and doctor wouldn't release me on my own insisted either I go stay with my parents for at least 2 months or stay in hospital for up to two weeks. I wasn't thrilled with the thought of being in hospital for that long and I didn't have the money to pay for that long of a stay so back to my folks where I stayed for 4 months, got a job with the State and moved out on my own for good. Moved in with a man for almost 6 months, he became abusive I was attempting to get out of the relationship when I found myself pregnant. I continued to secretly move things out of our apartment to a friends home where I was going to stay until I had my baby...he changed that plan when he threw me down a flight of stairs making it necessary to opt for a 2nd trimester abortion rather than staying in bed for the rest of my pregnancy only to watch him die in my arms minutes after his birth.

After that I was once again on my own and remained so until I married at age 27. Never did go to college full time but I took a few courses and ended up quarter shy of a degree in American Sign Language because my then husband decided he didn't want me driving in the snow back and forth the 25 miles to school to finish. Had my daughter at 32, a histerectomy at 40 and here I am now at 50 getting divorced, moved back to California and finally think somewhere along the line regained control. But that could all change tomorrow...LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 7:34am


Sounds like it's time to put yourself first. I've made so many mistakes in my life that I have no claim to knowing what's right. I learned about life the way I learned about cars--I never heard of a timing chain until one broke while I was driving. I learned about life as I lived it and made one mistake after another. I'm only 52 and figure I have a fair number of mistakes left before I check out, but I have also acquired some wisdom along the way, as you have as well. My favorite quote in the whole world is by John Lennon: "Life is what happens while we are busy making other plans."

Good luck and hugs.

Grandma J

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 9:04am
you've misplaced this. i have 3 kids and they are all living with my dh and i.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 12:28pm
Dita23 first off ECM isn't the original poster of this question dad did have two custody suits and lost both. So guess what he can attempt a 3rd but the courts and the judge have deemed mom fit and capable of parenting these children.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 12:34pm
it's ECSM.

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