How do you do it?
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| Fri, 12-12-2003 - 8:31pm |
I just have to ask those working moms....How do you do it?????
I am a Step-mom to two boys ages 6 and 9. I have a three year old that has been in minimal nursery school since he was one. He only goes three days a week for a couple of hours.
My step-sons BM (birth mother) just had a baby with her BF and this is her schedule:
She drops my step-sons at school to the morning-care program at 7:15AM (school starts at 8:45AM). She then drives her three month old baby to an in-home sitter that has five or six other kids at 7:45AM and then goes to work. She picks the baby up at 6:00PM and then she picks my SS up from after-care at 6:15PM (their school is over at 3:10PM). So my ss's are at school each day for 11 hours and the three month old baby is at a sitters for 10 hours each day!
Doesn't that seem like a lot! I just don't understand this. I offered to watch my SS's and she let me for two weeks and then got mad at my DH and put them back in the scholl child care program.
Why would you bother having children if someone else is going to raise them for you?

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Sounds like you know what you're about and are doing fine. Glad to get to "know" you.
Grandma J
When my children were small, I worked as a home daycare provider so that I could be with them. "Your" child was dropped off at my house at 7 am (alot of times sick but given medicine 1/2 hr before being dropped off just so that mom/dad could get in a few hrs of work before they knew they would be called to pick the child up...nice huh?), fed breakfast, had structured educational activity time (which I went to school and was certified for),had a snack, had outside time with me, were fed lunch, took a nap (and I SURE hope you aren't insinuating that I was any LESS responsible for them just because they were asleep), had a snack, had more outside time, did an art activity, and were picked up at 6 pm. During this time, they were clean, well-taken care of, and happy. So happy that sometimes they didn't even want to go home. All for a piddly $100-$150 per week. Would you accept that for YOUR job? How much do you actually make to leave your kids all day? Is it worth it?
I gave up alot of *things* (new car, nicer house, nicer things)in order to be home with the children that I gave birth to. I gave birth to them because I wanted children. I want to see their first smile, hear their first word, watch them take that first step. Know what? It was worth EVERY second.
<< gave up alot of *things* (new car, nicer house, nicer things)in order to be home with the children that I gave birth to.>>
we ALL give up things when our kids are born. We have NO new car. Our house is the same one we bought one year before having our ds - imagine that, we actually PLANNED the purchase of this house KNOWING that we would fill it with kids. nicer things? please define.
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As did every other mother who has wanted her children.
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Yup. and you're right, MOTHERHOOD has been worth EVERY second of it.
<<"Your" child was dropped off at my house at 7 am (alot of times sick but given medicine 1/2 hr before being dropped off just so that mom/dad could get in a few hrs of work before they knew they would be called to pick the child up...nice huh?),>>
you know what? i REALLY, REALLY hate that insinuation -- and it's quite interesting because as a middle school teacher i've known parents that have done this -- but they're split evenly between sah and woh.
i never gave my kids medication just so i could get in a few hours. Usually, if i gave them medication, it was good faith that whatever they had was a passing sniffle, cold, etc -- nothing earth shattering requiring me to stay home.
As for drop offs, my kids were dropped off at 7:30 by their dad on is way to work. now we have a nanny who gets them up and off to school.
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just as, of course, you wouldn't then turn around and insinuate that parents are any LESS responsible just because it was night time and kids were asleep.
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all part of being a good provider and doing a good job.
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yeah, sometimes kids are just funny that way. they never seem to like being interrupted to do something else or even to head home. I'm not sure why you think that's a negative. as "annoying" as it could be, i saw it as a positive if they were having that much fun.
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if you think you're worth more (as all providers truly are), then charge more. HOwever, you will, by doing so, price yourself right out of the market. and while each individual child is paying that much, we used providers that took 4-5 kids so that was easily $400-600 per week -- HARDLY piddly.
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no, but i don't want to be a dc provider. that's why i'm a middle school educator -- would you accept that for YOUR job?
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I make PLENTY of money to pay my nanny well AND still have plenty left over. I've never left them all day, since a day is 24 hours long. and yes, it's been worth it because i have been able to COMBINE motherhood AND having a job that i love.
eileen
Guess what Eileen? Now that my children are IN school...I AM a middle school technology specialist...in the same middle school my son goes to. So yes...I would accept that for my job.
Kelley
One can say that some stay at home moms should not be having children. We can't judge by what a work schedule is.
Oh and I can run errands during lunch or before/after work. I have a coworker who does her grocery shopping at 5:00 AM and then comes straight in to work. You don't even have to come home to chores if you plan or hire help. Right now, I'm working full time and in graduate school two nights a week. It takes a lot of planning but it can be done. We cook ahead, make sure all the errands and things like laundry get done on the weekends and do the chores that have to get done after the kids are in bed/before they get up in the morning. You don't have to SAH to parent. Ask any WOHD.
I know the routine. It's mine if you count dh as dc, lol. I'm gone from home roughly 10 hours per day on work days. I used to have about 4 hours in the evenings with my dd before bed time. I have two happy, healthy and as well adjusted as can be expected kids.
No, my children were never dropped off to you. I draw the line at using a SAH wannabe as a dcp. It's not a profession one should go into simply as a means to SAH with their own kids. That does a disservice to the children you take in. OUR dcp is a grandma with years of experience and degreed in ECE. She raised her own kids, then did foster parenting and now is a dcp because she simply loves kids. It's people like you who do dc for the wrong reasons who give the profession a bad name.
Is it worth it to leave my kids all day? Nope. That's why I don't leave my kids ALL DAY (you're not implying that the only hours that count are between 8:00 adn 5:00 are you?). I use dc part of the day and yes it is worth it. My kids are in very capable hands. Our dcp has been a wonderful addition to our family. She's the grandmother my kids don't have and a confidante to me with years of experience and education. I'm a better mom because of having known her. As far as income, I clear a lot more than I pay her. That pays for living in a better neighborhood, for better schools and for enrichment activities and yes that's worth it too. In addition we have financial peace of mind, the kids college is paid for and if I should become a burden to my kids it won't be because I failed to plan it will be because the plan failed.
I also gave birth to my children because I wanted to but I realize that their first steps, smile, word is no more important than the millions that will come behind them. I may or may not have seen my dd's first steps or heard their first words (makes no difference if I did or didn't) but I've been there for plenty since then. While I had my kids for the same selfish reasons you had yours, I realize that they're not here for my enjoyment and to fullfill my desire to see their first steps. It is I who is honored to be their mom and I who bears responsiblity to make sure they're taken care of both now and in the future. Much of the reason I WOH has to do with the future like paying for their college and making sure I'm not a burden to them when they're busy raising their kids.
Fortunately, there are plenty of hours in the week to be/do lots of things. You can WOH and be a mom if you wish. Or not, if you wish. Fortunately, kids never have and never will need mommy around all the time. Others can meet our children's needs in our absence and tehre are plenty of hours after work for the important part of our lives which would be the part we work to support.
PS. Don't get a big head about kids not wanting to go home from your dc. Kids don't like abrupt changes. Mom arriving, unannounced, is abrupt. They need a few minutes to adjust before they're ready to go but all it means is they don't like abrupt change. Especially when they're in the middle of something. Hmmm? Come to think of it, neither do I. If dh showed up to pick me up from work (he doesn't I drive, just an example) and I couldn't tell time so I didn't know when to expect him and I was in the middle of doing something, I'd likely finish what I was doing before we left. However, this is not to be misconstrued as my not wanting to go home, lol. Not by a mile.
Edited 12/28/2003 11:38:19 PM ET by cyndluagain
I started caring for children when I was 12 (I'm 37 now, so that's 25 yrs of experience). It's all I had ever wanted to do. I worked in a preschool for 5 of those yrs. I went to school and was certified in ECE. When my son was born, I continued to care for children because a) it's what I DID, and b) I got to be with him. NOT for the reasons you stated above. Would you like references? Trust me, you wouldn't have time to call them all.
....Since I had inside views into the children's home lives, I'd PREFER that some of them were with me. You don't want to know what they had to live with when they got home.
Now that my son is in middle school, I work as a technology specialist in said middle school. I go to work when he goes to school, and I go home when he goes home. I have the same holidays off that he and my daughter (6 yr old 1st grader) do, so I am STILL with them.
Before you make ignorant generalizations, maybe you should find out who you are posting to.
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