How do you leave them??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
How do you leave them??
254
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 2:25pm
I'm already going crazy thinking about taking my son to daycare. He is almost 4 weeks now, I get 8 weeks off since I had a C-sec. I can't imagine leaving him!! I know the daycare knows how to care for children, but I don't want him to think I just abandoned him! I never pictured myself as a SAHM, and I'm not sure if I could handle the lack of activity and adult interaction (besides, it's not really financially possible for us). I'm going to cut down my work hours to 4 days a week, but I still feel bad about having to leave him...

 

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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 3:46pm
No.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 3:55pm

I agree. It is a personality thing. an example. I have a friend who is a very nurturing parent. She spends the day interacting with her child. Housework is left for after bedtime. She plays with the child, reads to the child, cuddles the child. The day is filled with activity, and at no point does she stray from giving that child the attention she feels she deserves, except to make her meals. She lets the child guide mealtimes and naptimes. She assumes that everyone agrees this is the best possible care for their child. She therefore believes that anyone who chooses to do differently is making a conscious choice to do something that is not in the best interests of the child.

I, on the other hand, believe that my children do better when given a little more space. I think encouraging them to play on their own fosters imaginative and creative play. When there are other kids over, I try to let the kids work things out themselves and step in only when it is escalating. I like a routine as far as meals and bedtimes. I do not plan activities to fill the time.

To my friend, putting a child in day care means depriving him of the type of care she thinks he deserves. To me, the care my children will receive in the day care I chose will not deviate from the type of care they would receive at home, which is also the type of care i feel is best for them. it frustrates me when people assume that I agree that the type of care they will receive is inferior and just made that choice anyway because it is convenient for me. Or worse, that when I explain I am happy with that care, they believe I am just trying to justify it or believe it because I want to believe it. The truth is, I think my kids will have a better life all around if I get a job and they go to day care. First, because they like people. And in addition to the other kids, they'll get fresh faces every eight hours instead of dealing with me past the point when my patience starts to give. Second, because the income from my job will give us greater financial security, better educational opportunities, more cultural opportunities. It will allow my DH to take a less stressful, less time-consuming job which allows him more time to be with them.

Bottom line is, most if not all of the mothers on here start with the fact that their kids are their first priority and they will make the choice that is in the best interests of their children. It may not seem that way to those who think that the type of care children should get is not possible at day care. But I believe it is true. From that starting point, most parents than identify what type of care is necessary, and where that care can be received. For many of us, the type of care we think is best can be given either at home by a parent, at home by a nanny, at a carefully selected day care...

Maybe I'm not making any sense. But every once in awhile, I think that this whole debate really hinges not on work status but parenting style. that some of us--our kids would have the same type of care whether we worked or stayed home. I know mine will/would/do (I haven't worked, but they've had othercare a few days a week).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 4:02pm
Great post.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2004
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 4:03pm

I had around four months of maternity leave, and I was desperate to get back to work, I love DD to bits, but all day with a baby was just very boring for me. We put DD in day care, but in the end

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 4:40pm

how about if we tweak this a bit?


<<Although all the working mothers on this board seem happy with their daycare providers, and I'm sure most all children are fine while mom is at work,>>


'Although all the sahms on this board seem happy being home with their kids, I'm sure that most of them are fine at home all day with mom.....Isn't there the presumption that for some of them their current situation is "not fine"....?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 4:43pm

You make EVERY bit of sense -- and that was very well said!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 4:58pm
Great post.


suzjuly6.jpg picture by LadyCaribou

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 6:21pm
It's never been my experience that SAHMs have any particular tendency to be "helicopter moms" as you describe your friend.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 6:48pm

I am sorry if I gave the impression I believe all SAHMs are cut from the same cloth. That was neither my intention nor my opinion. Technically, I could be considered a SAHM since I do not have a paid position outside of the home. I absolutely acknowledge that there are a variety of reasons and a variety of thought processes and a variety of parenting styles that could lead one to their choice.

My point was just that I believe personality and parenting style can influence the way we judge the two options (WOH or SAH), both for ourselves and others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 7:23pm

OK, I didn't think you were being that simplistic, but this little part:


>>I think that this whole debate really hinges not on work status but parenting style<<


made it sound slightly as if you thought that one parenting style tends to believe in WOH, while the other tends to believe in SAH.

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