How do you leave them??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
How do you leave them??
254
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 2:25pm
I'm already going crazy thinking about taking my son to daycare. He is almost 4 weeks now, I get 8 weeks off since I had a C-sec. I can't imagine leaving him!! I know the daycare knows how to care for children, but I don't want him to think I just abandoned him! I never pictured myself as a SAHM, and I'm not sure if I could handle the lack of activity and adult interaction (besides, it's not really financially possible for us). I'm going to cut down my work hours to 4 days a week, but I still feel bad about having to leave him...

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 7:37pm

Your last paragraph pretty much sums it up. The quote you pulled out, I would like to point out I preceded it with once in awhile or on occasion or something like that, for a reason. Because I do sometimes think it, but have to remind myself that is not true for everyone on the other side of the debate.

This is slightly off-topic, but I find myself struggling on this board with categorizing and generalizing. I am not a WOHM but keep identifying myself as one. Maybe because I plan to be a WOHM. More likely because I am a (now grown) child of a WOHM--you know, the child that is supposed to be all messed up from my mom choosing to have a career. Which may make me more defensive than the average WOHM. But I think because of my issues with the identifying with WOHM, I have been categorizing people not on the basis of what they do, but on the basis of what they believe, I use the SAHM title when I should be using the mSAHM title. I'm not making sense any more. Too much bar study burnout.

edited to clarify something: The helicopter parent example was meant as an example of a filter, and how that filter could lead someone to the mSAHM viewpoint. Explaining my viewpoint was an example of the filter I have when making my decisions regarding work status. Those two examples were not meant to be an exhaustive list of the parenting styles or filters or viewpoints. Just two examples. Certainly when I said the debate seems to be more about parenting styles at times, I did not mean that there were only those two options. I'm calling it a night, because I feel like I cannot string together a coherent thought anymore. but if that does not make sense, let me know and I'll try to address it tomorrow.




Edited 2/5/2008 7:42 pm ET by ka032006
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 8:23pm

<>


When I say "young children" I'm thinking 3 and under...pre-preschool age.


<<'Although all the sahms on this board seem happy being home with their kids, I'm sure that most of them are fine at home all day with mom.....Isn't there the presumption that for some of them their current situation is "not fine"....?

  


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Avatar for mkatherine
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 8:28pm

I think many of us at times had talked about day care settings that weren't the right fit and that they found one that worked better for the family. I had a unique situation b/c my nephews had gone to the daycare I used so I "knew" it really well..I was lucky to get Liza into it as they hadn't taken an infant in a long time.

"If gay Americans are not allowed to get married and have all the benefits that American citizens are entitled to by the Bill of Rights, they should get one hell of a tax break. That is my opinion,"

- Jeane "Dear Abby" Phillips, in an interview with Lisa Leff.

 

Yes. We. Did.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 8:32pm

<<When I say "young children" I'm thinking 3 and under...pre-preschool age. >>


and when I say "young children", I'm thinking of very young infants.


<<But actually, yes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 8:44pm

you want some bad dc stories -- okay, here ya go....


years ago, we had three live-in nannies in short succession --

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 10:03pm

I'm an equal opportunity kind of girl, so I'll give one of each.

Bad day care story: as a child, the first day care center (we had in-home childcare prior to this) my parents took me to was at a Catholic church. I had never been to a Catholic church before. I was only 2/3. The nuns terrified me. I did not think they were human, I thought they were some kind of bizarre creature that disciplined bad children. I was also the only kid my age there, so when the older kids went to the playground, the nuns made me sit in a chair and watch through the window. On day 2, I clung to my father's leg as he left, dragging me. It took three rather large nuns to remove me from his leg. On day 3, my parents did not make me go. We tried a new day care. There, a boy a bit older than me who was in the process of being potty trained mooned me with a "nasty but" as I think a previous poster called it. I thought it was some strange social greeting and I mooned him back. I ended up in time out the rest of the day. On day 4, my mom took the day off. On day 5, we found a new day care we all loved.

Bad staying at home story: okay, so for the last few years, I've been home 2-3 days a week for 32 weeks out of the year, and all week for the other 20 weeks out of the year. Some days are good, some days=not so good. My first not-so-good day with two kids: chaos. The baby was projectile vomiting. My nursing tank top malfunctioned and I answered the door with a boob hanging out, a toddler hanging on my leg, a dog jumping on my back and of course the baby vomit smeared all over my clothes. As the good (members of unnamed religion) tried to convert me, my toddler put a slightly risque movie in the DVD player and sent an email to my professor that basically said "GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAADAEA". I sat down in the middle of the floor sobbing "I can't do this".

Of course, I had to look on the bright side. The (members of unnamed religion) left quickly--not sure if it was the dog growling, the boob hanging out, the movie or my meltdown. And the email was sent to my First Amendment professor. He may have spent all day trying to figure out the symbolism of my message, but he never said a word.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2007
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 10:04pm

I think we're actually very much on the same page, albeit living very different lives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 10:31pm

<>


And I don't think you're correct either, but that won't stop you from holding your beliefs either, will it??


<<you've heard pro-dc stories (i guess you've chosen to ignore the experiences of some of the people here that have had bad experiences with dc) because most of us wohms here have a choice and CHOOSE good dc situations. I'm not sure why you find that unusual.

  


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2006
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 10:35pm


My youngest son could not go to

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 10:37pm

<>


I know you're being sarcastic, but seriously staying at home isn't always wonderful. When my son was first home (about 1 month old) I went back to work part time and left him with dad or grandma. It was such a relief to be away from the screaming, colicky child! I did worry like crazy and call a lot, but it was almost like being on vaction to go in to work for a few hours. I have plenty of not so wonderful SAH stories, and if I had put my son in DC and continued to work I could've avoided a lot of that stress.

  


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