How do you leave them??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-11-2008
How do you leave them??
254
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 2:25pm
I'm already going crazy thinking about taking my son to daycare. He is almost 4 weeks now, I get 8 weeks off since I had a C-sec. I can't imagine leaving him!! I know the daycare knows how to care for children, but I don't want him to think I just abandoned him! I never pictured myself as a SAHM, and I'm not sure if I could handle the lack of activity and adult interaction (besides, it's not really financially possible for us). I'm going to cut down my work hours to 4 days a week, but I still feel bad about having to leave him...

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-1998
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 10:54pm

Honestly, I am one of those persons who really doesn't think work status has much to do with how my kids are going through life or how they are going to end up in life....outcome if you will.

PumpkinAngel

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 5:27am

and here's the point:


<>


that's because most of us that are here ARE happy with our situations.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 5:38am

You identify heavily with the new Comcast commercial, don't you? The one where the Mom is trying to get the school to un-expell her 6 year old (who is in the background trying to drain the fish tank with the vacuum cleaner and sets the curtains on fire after the tank breaks, dumping water all over the vacuum, which shorts out?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DIIz_cQ4BM

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

~~~~~~~~~

Kitty

"BTW, I hate Lifetime. Their movies will suck you in and all of a sudden you've watched 3 in a row, used every tissue in t

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 6:09am
ITA.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 7:15am

OMG, that is going to be me in four years.

Which is why I am sending resumes out by the dozens. One of my friends that had girls first, then a boy said she thought it was a stereotype, but her boy is so much more rambunctious than any of her girls ever were, and she couldn't imagine multiplying that times two. I told her Gestalt--Multiply it by about 12 when the two are only a year apart. (I have no frame of reference for the boy/girl comparison though).

Of course, I love them, I am constantly entertained and feel like if I set up surveillance cameras I could win that video contest every week. But the idea of putting them in a building that is 100% effectively childproofed and manned by several adults instead of just one is definitely a comfort.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 7:34am

I think the child's personality is an even stronger filter than our own personality. My firstborn had an independent streak from the beginning. We could not figure out why he would not go to sleep at night--we would rock him, sing to him, tried cuddling him silently in a dark room. One day, I was so frustrated I set him in the crib to walk out of the room and take a five minute break (I was getting frustrated). I had not even reached the door when he fell asleep. He stopped crying as soon as he felt the mattress beneath him. He has been a quick hug, go play kind of baby and toddler. My second wanted held more, but now that he is crawling, he is all over the room and will barely acknowledge any of us while he is exploring every last corner (finding the cobwebs). Both of them seem to want cuddle time when they first wake up and when they get sleepy at night, but in between, they want to do their own thing.

Point being, again I see nothing that would be different if he was at day care. If he was the kind of kid that would benefit from that constant reassurance, I would feel so much differently. I know I have one niece that sounds like your daughter. Sweet, amazing, wonderful girl. But she may not have thrived in day care, and if I had been her mother, I would not have taken the chance.

Of course, I have yet to see how my kids do in day care. We have childcare in my home while I'm studying. But given what I see here, and knowing my own experiences working in day care, I see little difference between the type of care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 8:13am

Having gone to law school, I can't even imagine caring for one, let alone two children at home while studying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 8:43am

Um, I thought I was very clear about the fact that I was addressing my situation only. That the circumstances for my children would be very different.

I actually do not study during the day while I am home with them. I study after they go to bed. When I was in class, my mom watched them. I am now studying for the bar exam. It is a six-week period during which someone is coming to the house to watch them and I study. That would be for about 18 hours a week.

I do take them out of the house. I still do not see that great of a difference. Most of the stuff I take them to resembles the day care at which I worked. My toddler plays with other kids--just like he would at day care. He listens to someone reading a story to a group of children--just like he would at day care. He plays on a playground--just like he would at day care. The only big difference is that I am observing him doing all of these things. If my child was the type of child who kept looking to see that I was still there, running back for a hug, cuddle on my lap because he was shy about being around the other kids, I would see the experience as being significantly different from day care. But that is not the case, and I do not see it as all that different. Many of the places I've taken him that were not specifically targeting his age group (museums, etc), I have seen day care groups there with kids his age. I still do not see a big difference.

But bottom line, in response to your post, is that I was talking about my kids, our experiences, and in no way did I say that it was true of all SAHMs. In fact, I have acknowledged many times that other people will feel differently and perceive it differently.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2007
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 9:06am

You've mentioned in at least 2 posts now that you don't see sah as different than daycare, even tho you don't use dc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2005
Wed, 02-06-2008 - 9:22am

I'm not sure why it is so important to you to believe that SAH would be better for my child. But I have not said that day care is the same for all kids. Far from it. I have identified situations in which I could see where SAH would be better and those situations extended beyond kids with special needs. I am telling you that I do not believe that DC will be that different for my child. Why is it important to you to believe that SAH would be better than DC for my child?

No, it does not make me biased. When I became pregnant for the first time, I took a leave of absence from law school. I wanted to evaluate my child's personality, figure out what we were comfortable with. My experience working in day care was that some kids thrived, some kids were fine, some kids did not do well. I wanted to see where I thought my child would fall. When it became clear to me that my child was very social and very independent, I decided to finish law school. In my final semester of law school, I did not do a job search. My second child seemed more needy to me, so I thought it would be better for him to hold off on working. I did not start sending out resumes until my DH, my mom (who watched my kids while I was in class) and I all agreed that he seemed to have outgrown his neediness.

You are assuming that I made the decision to be WOHM first, and then decided that it was fine for the kids in order to make myself feel better about it. Which was my original point in this whole subthread. That some mSAHMs assume a decisionmaking process that is the reverse of what it is, at least in my case. I specifically stated that these were my experiences, my perceptions, my filter. I feel that my children will see little difference, and no qualitative difference, in their DC experience than they would have if I stayed at home with them. MY children, not yours. I cannot comprehend why it is so important to you to get the point across that SAH the way you do it is always better than DC. I have in no way tried to indicate that DC the way I do it is always the same or better than SAH. Far from it.

You do not know my kids or my life. I do. I know the experience will not be that different. I have family members who do the "true" SAH home experience. All summer, I join them. Over breaks, I join them. On the 2-3 days a week that I was not in class during the school year, I joined them. I still saw no qualitative difference. THAT was part of my decision-making process to be a WOHM.

And I have stated repeatedly that I have not used day care but am basing that assessment on having worked in day care. In the infant and toddler rooms. So I think that gives me some knowledge about the type of care at DC.

but I still come back to the question: why is it so important to you to believe that SAH is better for MY children?

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