How do you view "Fatherhood"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2010
How do you view "Fatherhood"
147
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 9:08pm
How involved should men be with their children and how involved ARE men (in reality) involved with their children?
Please indicate if you have children and you are speaking from personal experience. I think it would also be interesting to see how each gender views this topic, so please also indicate if you're male or female.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 8:36pm

I remember very early experiences. I remember my grandmother, our home at the time, and the books we read. She died when I was 16mo old. I can describe the clothes she wore (blue polka dotted dress among others), the home we lived in (I could count to 13 because that's how many steps there were). It's a very vivid memory and we have no photos to reinforce it, so I think its a valid memory. I can still "see" her in my memory, but don't ask me about any memories from age 8-11 because I've got nothing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2006
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 8:41pm
can you predict what your own kids will remember?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2009
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 8:47pm
Can you predict what they will not?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 11:51pm

Well, it is a debate board. And you have to factor in the age span of all the posters. There are several of us who's children are all grown. I, for example, have 4 grandchildren with #5 due in September. I have raised 3 of my children and the last one is 12. From my perspective, the teen and collage years have been at least as important, if not more so, than the first 5 years. And having the father involved in the years 5-20 is way more important and necessary than whether or not he changed diapers or walked the floor at night. Both of which dh did, 32 years ago. But more importantly, he modeled what our girls should look for in a partner.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 11:57pm

I am finding out that I don't like 12 yo boys. They are mobile but still not reasoning beings. I hope this isn't a preview of his teen years. The girls, including Erica, were a breeze in comparation if that's the case.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2000
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 12:03am

I just posted a similar post. I don't remember Joy or Angela being unreasonable as preteens or as teens. And Erica was unreasonable from birth so her preteen years weren't any different than the years before. It's Dylan that I'm finding out how unreasonable preteens can be.

Chris

The truth may be out there but lies are in your head. Terry Pratchett

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2009
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 8:34pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 11:07am
It's not indicative of an issue of the relationship with the child, but with the spouse. I don't get to not be a baby person, do I? I'm not, actually. I still had to change diapers. If a dad does not change diapers, that also means that unless she finds some other care, mom gets no break from the child until he/she is out of diapers. No matter how you frame it, I can not respect a man who makes that kind of "stand".

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl Sagan

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl S

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 11:09am
I think you are missing the point. It's extremely disrespectful to the spouse to behave that way. I'm quite sure it doesn't matter to a baby who changes his/her diaper, as long as it happens.

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl Sagan

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl S

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 11:20am

"It's not indicative of an issue of the relationship with the child, but with the spouse."

I agree that it could be an issue with the spouse but not that it always is.

For me it would be an issue. For my sister it did not seem to be.

At this point we have no way of knowing but if it were an issue with my sister then perhaps my BIL would have changed diapers. But she did not mind so it was a none issue. It worked for them.

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