How do you view "Fatherhood"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2010
How do you view "Fatherhood"
147
Mon, 03-22-2010 - 9:08pm
How involved should men be with their children and how involved ARE men (in reality) involved with their children?
Please indicate if you have children and you are speaking from personal experience. I think it would also be interesting to see how each gender views this topic, so please also indicate if you're male or female.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 12:48pm

Yes.

I had to take the trash out when I was single. Dh had to change diapers when he was single. Perks, definitely.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 12:52pm
My girls are all in their 20's. sometimes when we all together we get into the "Remember when" conversations. I am often surprised by what they do and don't remember. The last time we were all together (about 3 weeks ago for DD1 birthday) one conversation was about what was on Saturday mornings when they were kids. (DD1 and DD2 considered DD3 the lucky one because by the time she was watching TV on Saturday morning they were past that stage so she got to decide what she wanted to watch alone, they had to fight about what to watch).
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2009
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 12:54pm

"Number 1, it might not be a stand. It might be a preference that is supported by his spouse."

A perfect way of stating it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 1:28pm
See my later posts. "Rarely" is not "refusal to", and your lack of taking out the garbage doesn't preclude you from spending time alone with your small children ever.

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl Sagan

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl S

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 1:29pm
I've said nothing about frequency of diaper changes. It's apparent you have missed my point by 10 miles.

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl Sagan

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl S

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2010
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 1:31pm
As far as what you've said, your dh does not refuse to change diapers. So your life has absolutely zero to do with what I'm saying.

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl Sagan

"It is said that men may not be the dreams of the Gods, but rather that the Gods are the dreams of men."


-Carl S

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 1:32pm

So was the issue diapers or the being alone thing? Maybe he's fine being with his kids when other people are there. And maybe mom is in other parts of the house some of the time.

My dh can go two weeks without changing a diaper, sometimes more. Not sure how 4 diapers a month for twins puts him at that much more of an advantage than some guy who does zero, but okay.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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Ten Rules for Being Human



"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 1:37pm

How do you define refuse? Does refuse mean every day for a year - or can refuse mean refusing 13 days out of 14?

He hates to do them, that's why he does it rarely. He makes gagging noises and swears he's going to throw up if there's poop. Only when he absolutely has no choice will he break down and do it. Then he announces he's met his quota and doesn't have to do that again for a good long while. I think it's kind of funny, though.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



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Ten Rules for Being Human



"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2005
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 1:50pm
I don't know about her, but my issue is with him not being alone with the kids for 2 years. He never watched them while she went to the grocery store? Never watched them if she wanted to take a long hot bath while they were awake? Never watched them if she decided to go for a jog? Never watched them if she wanted to go out with a friend?














iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2008
Sat, 04-03-2010 - 1:54pm

But if it worked for her, and father and child went onto develop a strong bond when the child was older - why exactly would it be a problem?

It might not be what you or someone else would want in a dh, but if it works for that particular husband and wife far be it from anyone else to say it's a problem. The wife's sister has to be a pretty close observer, and she's saying there are no problems coming of the situation. Therefore, the only "problem" is other people who don't like it, who have no vested interest in their marriage or family anyway.

"The last of human freedoms - the ability to choose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances." - Viktor Frankl.



Photobucket



Photobucket



Ten Rules for Being Human



"The key to good decision making is not knowledge. It is understanding."
Malcolm Gladwell Blink

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