How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 6:40pm
I don't get what you mean. If one person is too stressed or physically can't handle going to work and being a mom at the same time, that is one thing. If the fact that the mom is working is detrimental to her family as a whole, that is another thing. If my working cuts too much into what we as a family deem we need as family time, then either my dh or I won't work. It's not that we "can't handle" working, it's that the negatives of 2 parents working far outweigh the positives of it. While I could work and mother with no personal stress, I was unhappy because of the amount of family time it cut into. Do these not seem like 2 different situations to you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 6:45pm
I don't think you're understanding. The problem is you think that people SAH because they can't handle WOH. That is not the reason the majority of people SAH. She is pointing out it is silly of you to think that as it would be silly for us to think that you WOH because you can't handle taking care of your kids all day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 6:45pm
I would think that my dd's reasons for wanting to be a nurse may include a desire to work with people, and to be in a profession where she is helping others. My argument would be that she can do all that by being a doctor also--plus she gets to make more and it can be more flexible. I know this guy who likes to write and is trying to get some stuff published. He cut back his hours so he works something like 15 hours a week, has the rest of his week to write, and he still fulfills his desire to work with patients and "help people" and

makes more than he would as a nurse working FT .
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:04pm
WHAT is wrong with seeing a dcp as an asset???? Was I supposed to choose one who had nothing to offer?? Yes, my dcp is an asset. She's a wonderful addition to my kids lives and an asset to me in more ways than one.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:05pm
No. I see many people with the same flexiblity I have.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:07pm
You have a point there. People who work hourly can request shifts/days whereas us professional folks are pretty much committed to Monday-Friday. I was thinking along the lines of stepping out for an hour but if you can scedule your days around kids activities, you don't have to do that.
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:07pm
If I came to you, Mom :), and said, "After giving it alot of thought, I've decided I want to go to nursing school and be a nurse," and you said, "Why not a doctor?" I'd get the impression that you didn't think my dreams were good enough for you.

Besides, I don't see how nursing isn't a good enough career, all on it's own.


(and I shamefully admit, my perspective is colored by that movie, Meet The Parents, where Ben Stiller was a male nurse and him prospective in laws were horrible to him about it. LOL)

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:09pm
BTW, when I referred to myself not being as high quality as our dcp, I was referring to the rating system for dcps. I would perform poorly if held to the same standard she is. I lack her education and years of experience, my home is not set up to be a dc, I don't sterilize toys, etc, etc, etc. It would be impossible to rate myself as a parent without a standard for parenting. There is a standard for being a dcp. I think most parents would perform poorly if held up to it.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:10pm
Yes my dcp is a better dcp than I'd be. So?? Held to the same standards she is, I would not rate as high as she does. Then again, I'm not a dcp.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:11pm
Care to post a link?? I took offense at SAHM's calling themselves engineers on resumes. It IS a put down for someone who is uneducated to call themselves an engineer. And HOW does that fit with the discussion here?

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