How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:11pm
Because she wants to be a nurse. Not a doctor. Why would you think she hadn't already considered that - since they're similar fields? Beyond that, totally different.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:13pm
Wow that's crazy! I never knew there was somewhere where it was illegal for the spouse to work. (And I should know about those things, my father lives in Europe) That is somewhat similar to my situation, although not as extreme. I have to SAH or my dh could not develop his business. Luckily I enjoy SAH, but I look forward to the time that he quits his dayjob so I can go back.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:14pm
Try again. Do you really think that if all the women in the work force went back home it would have no impact on your dd's choices in the future???? NOPE. It would have a great impact. Women have choices because we DON'T all leave the work force.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:15pm
That ISN'T what I said!! I said if you rated me on the same scale she's rated on, as a dcp, I would not rate as high as she does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:16pm
I haven't seen that movie. I like Ben Stiller and I applaude Robert DeNiro for continuing to try comedy but never got around to it.

I never said that "nursing isn't good enough." It's just that I would like to know *why.*

I think as a parent, I should ask questions about all things including career choices. I hope that we have such a relationship that she wouldn't get defensive at my asking such questions but rather have a conversation with me about why she made such a choice.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:17pm
Nope. An engineer turned teacher has a lot to offer and who says I won't still freelance as an engineer? As a teacher, I will have a lot of time off to fill. There is nothing to prevent me from consulting.

Besides, second careers are getting common. I'm following behind 3 other engineers who left/are leaving to teach. Two of them are men. Retiring to teaching is not a cop out. It's called giving back what you have been given.

How do you get that an engineer retiring to teach the last decade of her working life is a traditional female thing to do????


Edited 8/25/2003 7:26:40 PM ET by cyndiluwho

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:18pm
THANK YOU. If you rated me on the same scale my dcp is rated on, I would not score as well as she does, which is why I'm not a dcp!!
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:20pm
Yes but WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE. What is the end result that is different?? We're aware that the addresses of the two places are different. So? Who cares what address a child plays at as long as they're well supervised when they play. What difference does it make that your child plays at your house and my child plays down the street at the dcp's?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:20pm
Sorry -- didn't complete my thought....

If my dd came to me and said, "mom, I want to SAH" then i would say "have you thought about PT WOH?" That shouldn't come across as my devaluing her choice but rather my asking what her thoughts are -- such questions may lead to conversations or concerns she may have that I may be a part of or even help her in figuring out
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:22pm
Maybe it was related to a work visa? I don't know about the situation but I'm just butting in.

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