How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 9:53pm
but but but...these boards ARE my journal, lol. At least that's the excuse I use for not writing any more.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 9:54pm
We were talking about role models. I don't think someone who whines is a good one.

Why is that a tough concept?

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 9:55pm
But what kind of role model are they? That was the point, after all.
Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 9:56pm
Exactly.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 9:58pm
I think it depends really. I mean currently I am at SAHM, but I will be going back to university soon to finish my degree, but I will also be the primary caregiver of my child then too. That is hard! During one of my practicums (exactly like work but you don't get paid, as it is work experience) I also had to do three classes and be able to spend time with my baby who was under one then. Fortunately I have a great husband who helped immensely by taking parental leave! I was so busy I didn't have time to think during that time frame...not something I would strongly reccommend. However, because I was doing what I wanted to do I was happy.

Being a SAHM right now is fine for me, I wouldn't want to do it for long extended periods of time though. I need adult interaction and to be away from babyworld for a while. I knew that before I had children. However, if we couldn't afford daycare or I was working merely to pay daycare, I wouldn't have any objections to staying at home.

So being a SAHM has its disadvantages and advantages just as a WOHM would have. Who has it harder? I actually think the SAHM does. There is so much misunderstanding around this positive role and then when the women are ready to go back into the workforce, they are welcomed back with unopened harms and a world that has skipped ahead of them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:08pm
Yep .. cause everytime someone mentions the possiblity of a lower paying job you respond with "but not in my area" ... as if your area is the area upon which all other things are judged .... bwahahahah

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:11pm
What I want wouldn't matter. Its their life .. not mine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:12pm
Because its lonely at the top. And its often filled with more stress than is desireable in life. It often makes one not able to focus on family. There are a lot of reasons I don't want to be at the top ... and my children might find those reasons too.

Of course, once again, its not about what I want ... its about what my kids want.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:14pm
Depends on your definition of best. I want what's best for me; according to my standards. What's best for my kids, my family, my mental health and my happines. Not what's best according to some outside source that knows nothing of what's best for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:15pm
I tned to respect people more for who they are, how well they do their job and how much they deserve my respect instead of respecting them for a title.

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