How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 1:57pm
Give me a break. You've achieved all those financial goals, and your children have millions waiting in the wings from their grandparents and great grandparents, and yet you lecture us on "enough is enough"? It's easy to be "fairly...non-materialistic" when all of these goals and your childrens' futures are already paid for, isn't it?

Maybe I should have married someone 20 years older...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 1:57pm
Hoooweee. Why the heck would you be paying their insurance premiums at age 35? If my kid couldn't pay his premiums at 35 he probably would have to live w/ out insurance.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 1:58pm
Happiness has nothing to do with my job.

Part of success is to have a job that pays me enough so that I can do and be things that will make me happy with the rest of my life.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 1:58pm
I live in "the sticks" and trust me when I say we are not crying over your absence.

I will say one thing, though. I've noticed us "stick people" are nicer to each other in general than suburbanites. We know each other. We know each other's kids. We keep each other's kids out of trouble. We support each other. When I had my second daughter I didn't have to worry about cooking for about a month from my neighbors bringing me and my oldes plates of homemade food. In turn, my neighbors know that they need not worry if they need a ride somewhere and I'm able to take them we can go (I am one of the few who have a reliable vehicle). So I'd actually "prefer" to live in the sticks.

I wouldn't be caught dead in the burbs if all the people in the burbs exhibit your attitude. I'd never say I wouldn't be "caught dead" doing anything because life is such that just when you say that you get put in that exact situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 1:59pm
You have got to be kidding.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 2:01pm
Why? Wouldn't it be nice, now that you're in your mid 40s, to have some money in the bank for current and retirement needs and to be able to pay college tuition for your kids without worrying?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 2:02pm
"Do whatever you want career wise, just make sure you can support yourself (and any children you might have) with no help from mom, dad or any future spouse financially."

That's how I'd rephrase my post.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 2:03pm
It may be easier said than done. I've always said that my kids will have to deal with the consequences of their decisions/actions, but what if my kid *is* 35, has no income, is going to have no place to live and nothing to eat. Will I just let her be homeless and staving? I don't think I could. It may be a little more extreme than the insurance example, but it's on the same spectrum./
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 2:05pm
No hangups here. I just don't see why it's necessary after a child is eating table food and drinking from a cup, which they normally do at about a year old or so.

But hey, like I said, it's your perogative.

Sue

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 2:06pm
But but but the drinking is the only thing that makes reading these posts tolerable!

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