How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 5:20pm
That's kind of how I felt when I saw the Dalai Lama speak. (I don't know if I spelled it right)
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 5:24pm
Do your kids drink milk from cows? Most kids do. Mine don't, at least not for their nutrician. Breast milk doesn't turn to water at 12 months or as soon as babies can articulate a sentence. It continues to be source of calcium, fat, protein... etc. Immunities increase as frequency of nursing slows.

Other benefits - toddlers frequently go through food strikes and picky eating phases. It's common. A nursing toddler is still getting what he/she needs, regardless.

It helps when they're sick and can't keep anything down or tolerate solids. They're still getting what they need.

Good for their teeth (and better for their teeth than cow milk out of a sippy or bottle)

The list continues. All the other stuff that's true when they're tiny is true when they're older.


Did you find breastfeeding the least bit sexual? I doubt you did - why would you think that it's sexual for anyone else? I guarantee you there's nothing remotely sexual about nursing an older child. My son's being allowed to wean at his own pace, and he's doing just fine at it. An older child doesn't nurse the way an infant does. They don't nurse as often and usually not as long. He finds it comforting and I find it comforting that he's getting what he needs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 5:25pm
But what if that "mutual" desicion is made by the child at 10 months? Then if the whole thing about breastfeeding is the health benefits of breastmilk to the child wouldn't the *natutal* thing to do be accomadate the child's needs and give them breastmilk however they will take it (cup/bottle)?

Why would adjusting a feeding method to make the child and/or mother more comfortable - for whatever reason - be unnatural?

Isn't refusing to give a child breastmilk in a cup or bottle throwing the baby out with the bathwater?

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 5:31pm
Children over about the age of one, nurse for comfort, not nourishment. My dd nursed maybe a couple of times a day, when she needed to be comforted. Some kids have pacifiers, special blankets, or stuffed animals as security objects. My dd just happened to have ME as a security object. People who don't nurse for an extended period of time sometimes aren't aware of this fact, and I assure you it is perfectly natural LOL>
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 5:32pm
I know for me, if my child requested (in any form) breastmilk from another source he'd get it. If he'd have refused to nurse prior to being able to meet his nutritional needs from food, I'd have done my best to pump enough to satisfy him.

But why should I go to the trouble of pumping to stick it in a cup or bottle when I have perfectly good set of breasts and everyone's happy?

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 5:33pm
They DO get nourishment from breastmilk after age one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 5:43pm
Would you find it acceptable for a 7 year old to nurse?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 5:47pm
Perhaps that's not what it's about, but a byproduct of letting children decide when they (and you) will sleep is that you ARE being manipulated. Perhaps you just don't like that term, but it's the truth. You aren't trying to get the child to adapt to your schedule, you are letting them dictate the schedule. That is the very definition of manipulation.

I'm sure that that isn't the reason you don't want your kids on a schedule, I'm sure you believe that it's wrong to coax kids into a regular sleeping and napping schedule, and that letting them sleep where and when they want is a better option for some reason, but the bottom line is, they're calling the shots, and you're along for the ride.

Is that a good thing? Not for me, but if that's the way you like it, be my guest.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 5:55pm
PJM!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 5:56pm
I don't think the only valid time is MOM time. I simply thought your "50+ hours a week" argument was inaccurate. BTW, I never said my dd needed 50+ hours of MOM time. Yes, before children reach school age, I think they DO indeed need somewhere around 50+ hours of direct interaction. However, the older a child gets, the more time they tend to spend with peers. The only reason I singled you out was because you were making an inaccurate claim. Thank you for recanting it. I have no further argument with your argument.

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