How does this relate to the debate?
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| Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm |
Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.
I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...
There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.
There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.
Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new
Hollie

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Cows milk is good for their teeth too.
Why would you think that I thought bf'ing was sexual for anyone? When I said some women get off on it, I didn't mean sexually, I meant get off as in they might think they are ubermoms for nursing an unusually long time, or get off on the reaction that people have to 3 and 4 year olds nursing, sort of like a militant in-your-face breastfeeding attitude.
Just curious, if you are allowing your son to wean himself, and he really, really likes nursing, is there any age when you would want to put a stop to it, or will you allow him to continue indefinitely?
Edited 8/28/2003 6:01:39 PM ET by islimshady
I agreed with your post 100% about debating with PJM (hey, can she "hear" me talking about her? ROFL)...even though the two of us are from opposite ends of the spectrum, I have learned alot from her and think she has some major kick butt strength when it comes to standing up for what she believes in.
It's amazing how two people, who rarely agree on anything can have a stimulating conversation and actually understand each other.
I'm not one of those that thinks babies manipulate, so I disagree. Cosleeping - here - started at birth with two of mine. Now that they're older, they fall asleep at pretty "normal" times. I didn't need to put them in a crib for that to happen.
"Perhaps you just don't like that term, but it's the truth. You aren't trying to get the child to adapt to your schedule, you are letting them dictate the schedule. That is the very definition of manipulation."
That's funny. My life isn't ruled by a strict 1pm naptime. But I'm the one letting their schedules dictate my life? Interesting. Being tired at x o'clock instead of being tired at y o'clock isn't manipulative. My children have created their own sleep schedules. As babies. So what? It's not affecting anyone negatively.
"I'm sure that that isn't the reason you don't want your kids on a schedule,"
I don't NEED them on a schedule. They don't NEED to be on a schedule. They (my children) have no need to be told when to be tired. When they're tired, they go to bed. And, surprise, they go to bed at reasonable times. So what?
"I'm sure you believe that it's wrong to coax kids into a regular sleeping and napping schedule,"
Why are you sure of that? We had no reason to coax them into a regular sleeping and napping schedule.
"and that letting them sleep where and when they want is a better option for some reason,"
My oldest liked sleeping in her crib by about 6 or 7 months? Amazingly, she was tired at pretty much the same time every day. My second started in a crib once she finally left the hospital. We weren't comfortable with an infant that size (I think she was barely at 5 pounds when she finally came home) in our big bed, she'd had episodes of apnea, and she wouldn't have been comfy in a bed anyway as she was already used to sleeping alone in an isolette. She slept in a bassinet right next to us until she was much older, and then she slept in a crib right next to her sister. She came home with ready made sleep intervals. She to started naturally sleeping at the same time every day. Number 3'll sleep anywhere he's tired. That's fine too. He stays up later that the older two but we're up anyway... so who cares? Everyone gets plenty of sleep. Everyone's happy.
"but the bottom line is, they're calling the shots, and you're along for the ride."
If I put my kids in their beds at 7pm everynight, they'd still fall asleep when they're tired. I don't have a problem with my kids sleeping when they're tired or not sleeping when they're not. I don't have a problem with other people putting their's on strict schedules. A schedule was unneccessary to us.
have i implied we have nothing? if i did, i didnt mean to. we're comfortable, and will be fine when we retire.
i dont understand the attitude one should sacrifice a lifetime of happiness for money.
the general attitude in society has come a long way, and it is hard to "break out" when your whole upbringing was geared in one direction.
When slim said "we"...she meant some of us on the board who have stated over and over, ad naseum that your posts are hard to understand (which is not a bad thing, but it does place a requirement on you to keep explaining yourself) and I am really curious...
Are you not silverunity? You posted the following as if you were talking about another person:
<<(I can not believe how hot and bothered you are getting over silverunity)>>
Let's say a poster writes SAHM's are lazy, non-ambitious, overprotective women hiding from the real world yadda yadda. If I then chirped in with "you have some valid points", what do you think my postion would be? Do you think it would be too far-fetched for someone to say to me that I had been shopping at "SAHM Stereotypes R Us"
I don't think it would be far-fetched at all. As a matter of fact, it would be right on target. Because, within the example post I gave, I essentially agreed with the OP thoughts on SAHMs. And, by doing that, I am just as guilty buying into the stereotype as if I said it myself.
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