How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 6:27pm
You are correct. They DO get nourishment after age one. My dd simply nursed more for comfort, than for nourishment. But I'm sure she DID in fact, continue to benefit nutritionally.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 6:27pm
Right, I understand that, but personally it wouldn't occur to me to say it to the person who agreed, I would say it to the person who put forth the stereotype to begin with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 6:30pm
You were fortunate that your kids slept through the night. Mine did not, not until I let them cry it out and refuse to go into them. I was exhausted from being woken up every night, and I wasn't about to let it go on. When babies are waking up in the middle of the night after 6 months it's not that they need to be fed, they just want conpany, and that IS manipulation. I wasn't going to cater to that, I needed to sleep.

It took all of one night of letting them CIO for them to realize that midnight playtime was over. Like I said, having the benefit of hindsight, I would have done it much, much sooner, and would have been a happier and more rested mom because of it.

I also think making very young children nap is a good idea. When mine didn't, they were basket cases. Not all babies or toddlers know that a nap is necessary and some will fight it. If I put them in the crib they would eventually fall asleep and get the nap they desperately needed. If I let them decide that they needed a nap, they would never willingly go and lie down, they'd just be miserable the rest of the day. Sometimes the parents have to be firm and dictate what their children need, not the other way around.

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 6:30pm
"Yes my children drink cow's milk. They are 10 and 13 (14 in 2 days), so I don't think it's prudent to insist on breastmilk for them."

I wasn't suggesting that you offer them breastmilk.

"They also have been incredibly healthy their whole lives, with doctors visits pretty much restricted to check-ups. Great immune systems, so weaning them at 10 months to a cup with cow's milk didn't have any detrimental effect on their immune systems."

I'm sure they have been and wouldn't suggest otherwise. Like I said, we don't consume a lot of dairy and we don't offer cow milk. They don't require cow's milk to survive anymore than they require breastmilk to survive. But breastmilk is a great source for all that good stuff.

"Why would you think that I thought bf'ing was sexual for anyone? When I said some women get off on it, I didn't mean sexually, I meant get off as in they might think they are ubermoms for nursing an unusually long time, or get off on the reaction that people have to 3 and 4 year olds nursing, sort of like a militant in-your-face breastfeeding attitude."

Fair enough. I read you wrong, then. I can tell you that for me, it has nothing to do with any of those things. I don't view breastfeeding as a competition. I do it for the same reason now as I did it when he was born.

"Just curious, if you are allowing your son to wean himself, and he really, really likes nursing, is there any age when you would want to put a stop to it, or will you allow him to continue indefinitely?"

He wouldn't want to nurse indefinitely, though. That's just not how it goes. (yes, I'm sure there's some 30 year old out their nursing... but that's a fairly huge exception) If I got to a place where I was uncomfortable nursing, I would wean him gently. But I honestly can't foresee that, as he's doing a fine and steady job of weaning himself right now. (and he's just over two)


PS: I'm about as far from "earth mother" as it gets. I have no energy for cloth diapering, I wear makeup everyday, I color my hair, I shave everyday, I have tattoos - and lots of them, I've never enjoyed marijuana, I wear leather, I eat meat (though rarely), I hate classic rock, I'm crass... am I missing anything? ;)


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 6:32pm
I would like to know exactly who you are. I can pretty much place the bet and win that you are NOT some teeny bopper out for a joy ride on the internet debate boards.

I have been looking at all your posts and if I disregard the very intentional spelling errors...you post like someone very familier.

makes me go...

hhhhmmmmmmmm

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 6:33pm
How can you hate classic rock? Oh, the horrors!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 6:35pm
You sayin' your parents are a lot older than mine? Sooooo, does that mean you're admitting you're OLD????

he he he

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 6:35pm
I don't know, do you wear Birkenstocks and hang out at the Whole Foods store?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 6:35pm
Enlighten me misty ....
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 6:36pm
2 of mine slept through the night all on their own. The youngest still wakes up. But it's not really a big deal. I just handle it differently than you.

If we had had sleep problems, I wouldn't have used CIO. There are tons of other ways that are more gentle. That doesn't mean I go around judging and criticizing parents who do it. It's just not something we were comfortable with.

Of course all kids are different. Some kids require schedules to meet their needs, some don't.

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