How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 3:35pm
I agree with you about a baby's need to be held being a legitimate need. However, I just have to point out that co-sleeping isn't always the answer. Both of my kids have been happier in their cribs. My 8 mo moves around a lot in her sleep, and when she bumps into someone else, it really ticks her off. My 4 yo was much the same way, although she does often wake up around 5 a.m. and come in to sleep on the floor next to our bed. If we co-slept, there would be very little sleeping going on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 3:37pm
Yesterday I had a theory but now I am not so sure. I was thinking it was just about back to school time and there were some bored college freshman out there who aren't well-connected enough to have scored a fake ID and haven't yet figured out how to get beer from the campus liquor store and they have a lot of time on their hands because classes haven't started yet but they are in the dorms doing all that orientation stuff so they are killing time here.

But I think the borg theory is a pretty good one too. But the borg was nastier and had all those conspiracy theories, like the regular posters were in some kind of coven. Maybe this is the borg's less sophisticated little sister who is a college freshman...?

Or maybe Max Chandler has come back to piss us all off. (But I don't think she could purposely spell something wrong, could she?)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 3:38pm
My younger son wasn't much for co-sleeping. We were very open to it, but it became clear by the time he was about 16-20 weeks old that he really preferred sleeping on his own. Go igure. He's seven now and a very loving little boy, but not much of a cuddler except on his own terms. He is also very attached to me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 3:38pm
You mean there's a light at the end of the tunnel? My 8 mo will NOT take a bottle. Her sister switched back and forth between bottle and breast just fine, but not this one. I've given up on the bottle and moved straight to the cup. It's not working too well yet, but she's trying.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 3:54pm
Sounds like my little one : ) EXTREMELY attached to me, but not much of a cuddler because she's just too busy!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 3:56pm
How convenient that you turn your whole agrument around to save face, and it STILL ins't accuarate. Your OP was about how you spent 50+ hours directly interacting with your children CURRENTLY. When I called you on it, you said, "oh but I meant when they were younger." Now, you're back to using the original argument. So you are saying that when your children were younger, you spent from 4-9 pm directly interacting with them (25hours a week), and 12 hours on both days of the weekends directly interacting with them (24 hours) correct? As infants and even young preschoolers, your children stayed up until 9pm every night? Because if they went to bed at 8pm that takes 5 hours off your total, and 10 hours off, if they went to bed at 7pm. What about the weekends? DId your children really stay awake a total of 12 hours a day as infants? Most likely, they spent at least half the time sleeping at the very minimum (that's another 12 hours you can take off, 6 hours per day). Did your children NEVER nap on the weekends as toddlers (that's at least another 4 to 5 hours)? Did you account for these discrepancies, when you "re-evaluated the ACTUAL time spent with your kids when they were little?" My problem with your argument, is that you CANNOT count time spent sleeping, or when your childen aren't even at home as direct interaction time. BTW, I didn't even factor in, spending the night with grandma, playdates, nights out with DH, etc. Hmmm, that leaves anywhere from about 22 to 28 hours (as infants) and about 39 hours (as preschoolers) that's only IF, you spent every waking moment with them when you were not WOH. SO which is it, 28 hours, 39 hours, or 50+ hours? Care to recant your innaccurate argument? Clearly, 50+ hours is an exaggeration.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 4:02pm
And looking down on people for nursing past the age of 3, "is not very nice". What's the problem, you can "dish it out", but you "can't take it" LOL?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 4:07pm
Point well taken. Thanks for the post.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 4:09pm
Thank you for your post, I appreciate your insight.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 4:11pm
Did I say there was a relationship between extended nursing and lack of discipline? No, I did not. I didn't even say that NOT letting kids CIO would result in a lack of discipline.

What I said was, parents who cater to their child's every whim (which IMO, is letting the kids wake them up every night when they are past infancy) and letting them nap, etc, when they feel like it, would most likely be the type of parent who thinks that disciplining or even denying their children would be "mean". And they'd end up with a fairly spoiled child to boot.

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