How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 4:21pm
You're obviously too wrapped up in ubermomdom to be rational. Yes, not only is it perfectly acceptable for parents to coax children into a schedule and try to get them to sleep through the night, it's good parenting. Do you really think it's good to not try to get your children to have a long, sound nights sleep? Do you really think it's good to not discourage them from waking up during the night when they're one, or older?

YOU should know better. Tell you what, you do it your way and let you and your children keep waking up every night. That's definitely the smart way to parent. Meanwhile I taught my children that nighttime was for sleeping, and they (and I) have had restful, uninterrupted nights of sleep ever since.




Edited 8/29/2003 4:22:17 PM ET by islimshady

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 4:28pm
Yep, I NEEDED to sleep for more than 4 hours at a clip. I NEEDED my babies to sleep through the night, and here's the kicker, after one night of CIO for approximately half an hour, they did. Maybe they did wake up after that, maybe they sucked on their fingers, or looked at their mobile, I don't really know, but they didn't cry for me to come running in to hug with them either. They didn't NEED to be held in the middle of the night.

Boy are you disillusioned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 4:37pm
Who the hell cares how many hours she spent with her children and whether you spent 2.5 more hours with yours than she did with hers! Geez, get over yourself already, what do you want, a medal?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 4:44pm
No, nothing to "recant" (LOL!), nothing to change. ALL time is important. As Direct hours vary from day to day and week to week, i can only give you that 50+ figure as my best estimation. You can do all the mental mathematical gymnastics that you want (actually, it's quite amusing, LOL!), but i can't quanitify it any better for you.

It's ALL called PARENTING and it's ALL part of the same long road. I have no need to count each and every single hour over the last 12 years for all 3 kids ....We have had, do have and will always have PLENTY of time for PARENTING, growing up, living together, doing things together, doing things individually (i mean with each child). So sorry if for some reason that seems to offend.

This will STILL have to suffice.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 4:48pm
Oh, and for the record...on the weekends, holidays and vacations when my kids did go to bed earlier than 9 pm.....they were up by 6 or 6:30 am....So, yeah, even when they went to bed earlier, i was STILL spending just about the same amount of awake hours....WHAT a CONCEPT!!!!

I truly wish that i could have gotten them to sleep past 6:30....This past summer is the first summer that they were not all waking before 7:30 am....

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 5:03pm
But I thought you had a nanny to get the kids up LOL? Man too bad, my dd doesn't get up before 9 on the weekends and during the summer. Your 12 y.o. really gets up 6:30 or 7:30? WHY does he get up so early?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 5:03pm
What's funny is you call other parents egotistical. I love how you assume I used the CIO theory just because I think your attitude is atrocious. What's wrong here is you seem to think there is only one right way to do things, and that way is your way. Surprise woman, you are not the worlds most fabulous expert on child rearing, and neither is anyone else here. I'm just trying to knock you off your pedestal a little, and realize that not everyone in this world is alike, and your way is not the only right way. Just because you're a childrearing philosophy bigot doesn't mean you're right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 5:11pm
That's fine. I don't believe I have yet stated how I personally dealt with my child's sleep issues. You have to take into context who I was replying to. I am trying to point out there are other ways to deal with it and none of them are wrong. Someone who subscribes to CIO is not evil, nor are they abusing their child. As to the manipulation definition, I just meant it differently. The same would go for the person who accused people who teach their children eating or sleep schedules manipulation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 5:13pm
<< But I thought you had a nanny to get the kids up LOL?>>

LOL! Ummmm, she only gets them up on SCHOOL mornings -- you know, things like getting them dressed, giving them breakfast (although ds usually makes his own now), making their lunches and seeing that they leave the house on time for school.

WHY in the world would she get them up on weekends (she's not here), holidays (she's not here) and vacations (she's not here during school vacations -- except for summer)????

During the summer vacation, the nanny's hours are adjusted (we run a different schedule) so that she generally doesn't come in before 9 or 10 am (unless there's some reason i need to be up and out earlier with any of them -- then she comes in so that the others don't have to also get up).

<>

You're lucky. Mine was always an early bird. For a while there when he was about 5 or 6, he even started getting up at about 5:30...UGH.

<>

No. He was doing that LAST summer when he was 10-11. WHY did he get up that early??? Beats me -- it's just the way his internal clock works. He was a morning person - just like his mom, i guess.

Now that pre-puberty has set in, he slept in much, much later this summer. In fact, dd did too. It was SOOOO nice to be able to sleep in until 7:30 or 8:00 am. I love sah during the summer!

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Fri, 08-29-2003 - 5:18pm
Thank you. I was starting to wonder if there was a MEMO that i missed...you know, one that might have said that "Momofhk has been selected as 'QUEEN OF ALL PARENTING THINGS', 'Her way is THE ONLY RIGHT way to parent....NO ONE ELSE could even begin to come close'

Phew.....i was so worried that one of the others had stolen that memo. Glad to know that it must have been a dream sequence....I'm so glad that I've parented MY way and done what is right FOR and BY my kids.

eileen

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