How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:43am
I have to agree but those situations are VERY rare. I'm thinking in general here. Not about the mom of the next Einstein. Yes, IF you raise an Einstein and your SAH allows him/her to grow up and change the world but Einsteins are rare and it's also rare that SAH would be required for them to grow up to excel. Yes SAHM's CAN do things like support the schools and that does benefit society but it's not a given because mom SAH. In such a case, the value isn't her SAH but in her volunteering. However, this is no more important than WM's supporting the schools financially.


Edited 8/30/2003 8:47:17 AM ET by cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:52am
Well I'm one of those moms who let their child CIO. It was the ONLY way we ever got any sleep. Sorry you find that so disgusting. If she was changed and fed and I knew there was nothing wrong with her except that she just didn't want to go to sleep, I let her cry. I would go in and let her know I was there and comfort her, but I would NOT pick her up out of that bed. It didn't take very long and we were getting a full nights sleep.

In case you would like to know, my daughter has grown up to be a wonderful person..smart, hard working, funny and compassionate. No damage done by letting her cry. There are other ways of parenting besides running every time your child makes a peep. I didn't raise my children to be the center of my universe..I wanted them to be balanced and realize that they are not the only human beings on the earth and it starts from a very young age.

Sue

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:56am
Infant/Child advocate? hmmm, I was thinking more of a 5 letter adjective to describe what you are.

Let's see, moms who let their kids CIO are offensive, disgraceful and disgusting, and moms who won't BF are gross. I can hardly wait for your insult du jour..

I agree with Eileen on the entertainment factor, I'm enjoying your superior mommy rant, so do go on, I enjoy a good laugh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:57am
Yep, after nights of fitful (is that a word) sleeping, I laid dd2 down in her crib and she slept for 5 hours straight. That was the first time that ever happened (sleeping for that long) and she was already 3 months old, what a relief to see the dark circles go away from underneath HER eyes and see her get the sleep she needed. She didn't have to CIO to do it, so I guess there is the difference between the selfish horrible parents in momofHK posts and my own scenario. (although in my other encounters with people that are advocates of the AP philosphy I have found that they do find a way to blame the mother if a child does something earlier than they think is appropriate, which is the bulk of my problem with philosphies like that)

Now at 20 months, if there are people around, even in a dimly lit bedroom, she forces herself to stay awake. She never wants to miss a thing.

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:58am
Come now charlesmama, we all know she's the expert. Let's bow to her, shall we?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 9:07am
My eldest had some eating issues as a toddler (basically he woldn't eat anything but cheerios). We had him to many doctors from Yale to Columbia, all experts, and ALL of them concluded and SAID that children as young as 6 months can and will be extremely MANIPULATIVE, and that it took many forms, one of which was picky eating. I suppose they, with all of their experience, education and knowledge know less than some mommies who view themselves as parenting experts.

You've just got to laugh.

Oh, btw, their advice? Don't cater to his demands. It worked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 9:13am
"The natural thing for me is to make bottles I love them they were colorful and exciting for al of us."

How old are you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 9:15am
I wonder why I can't get the theme from Twilight Zone out of my head.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 9:17am
Yes it is, like I said i dont feel the need to stop responding, yet, you acknowledged me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 9:17am
I really think she does. No, I'm SERIOUS!

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