How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 10:27am
<<<<>>>>


tee-hee.....im sitting here giggling to myself, as i put that "gross" comment in there to stir up a few posters. i had a *really* stressful day yesterday(worse than ive had in years) and felt like slamming something. i guess i got the reaction i was looking for.

talk about bait. "gross" is *big bait*. i will try to behave myself this weekend. LOL

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 10:47am
Yup, kids who don't fare well because of moms working status exist in BOTH camps. Unfortunately, you don't know you have one until after the fact. Then all you can do is deal with the issues. I have one that would not have done well with a SAHM and one for whom it wouldn't have mattered either way. Fortunately, I'm a WM so I got it right. Just lucky there. My oldest dd's personality is so self centered that having a SAHM catering to her for the first few years of her life would have been a disaster. We know because she inherited her personality from her father who did have a SAHM and it was a disaster and resulted in dh having a very unhappy childhood. This is not something we could have forseen when she was a baby. She was a little on the high needs side but nothing out of the ordinary, however, the more you give the more she takes and the more she EXPECTS to the Nth degree. Having someone right there to meet her every need would have been a disaster. I did enough damage here during my off hours. She is one child who would have benefitted from CIO (not as a really little baby but older). Of course, you don't know that going in and most don't so we didn't.

Some days I wonder if she'll ever develop empathy. Then there's her sister who has enough empathy for the both of them. Go figure. Same parents, same household, two totally different kids. So much for the idea that us parents actually have anything to do with how our kids turn out, lol. I'm convinced that all we really do is play into our kids strengths and weaknesses and emphasize them. The underlying traits are theirs. Fortuantely my dd was better served by being in dc and having to, gasp, WAIT her turn from an early age. Not that it helped that much but it would have been 10 times worse if she hadn't.

I'm pretty hard on her now because I know she has to overcome this before she's an adult. She has an especially hard time dealing with her sister. My little one is the kid that everyone just loves. She's smarter, nicer and prettier than her sister and big sis is MIGHTY jealous. It's going to get really bad if dd#2 tests out gifted and we have to send her to a private school for gifted children. (I'm having her tested some time this year to determine where she'll go to school next year). BUT, she's just going to have to learn to deal with the fact that some people are smarter, prettier and better liked than others. Fortunately, my little one has the type of personality where none of this goes to her head. Though she does tell me she's smarter than I am, lol. She probably is.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 10:51am
Oh, I dont believe formual is inferior. I think it completley depends on the child and mother. I know a few women who breastfeed and claimed that breastfeeding prevents allergies, illness ect ect and there chilren all have alergies and are sickly. While knowing other children who were bottle feed and dont seem to have those problems.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 11:08am
Do you have 3 kids? And you're not 25 yet?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 11:13am
I must have misunderstood your post. I thought you meant it literally when you said putting the kids through school "wiped you out."

It's not usually a matter of miserable but rich. like marz2 posted, why can't you like a perfectly well paying job, even if you don't love it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 11:15am
I didn't see the "wink" on your first sentence.

In that way SAH would be easier. I couldn't afford to be a zombie when my kids were too young to sleep through the night. I'm still awakened a couple times a night, and I'm used to it, but I hate it.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 11:20am
I too have a high-needs child, actually my first and third both are. They started preschool at 2.9 b/c they were ready and if I kept them home it would not benefit them but harm them on every level. My youngest is a cling on like I have never experienced befor so Iam thinking I need to find a place for this child to go so we dont have further issues in the future.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 11:29am
Yes, they do. They affect more lives directly in a vital way than SAHMs.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 11:36am
ahhh, I understand.
Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 11:54am
You're making generalizations. . . .

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