How does this relate to the debate?
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| Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm |
Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.
I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...
There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.
There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.
Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new
Hollie

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eileen
One. With 4 kids, I did improve my family's bottom line while I worked because DH was out of work and we were got our daycare paid for. No problem. But...now that DH is working, I'd make hardly a dime because I'd have to pay for daycare.
I don't know one SAHM who stays at home for personal fulfillment, or out of selfishness. Some maybe out of tradition, but most because they believe it is best for the child. YOU may think that there is little evidence to show that it is good for the child, but many of us disagree and selflessly do what we believe benefits our children.
I do not have a hard and fast stance. Staying home with one preschooler versus working as a waitress or in some kind of production. No contest. Staying home with a toddler or two compared to a "professional" job, you've got to be kidding. I'll take the desk job anyday if selfish is my goal.
I worked as a Substitute Teacher (kind of a medium hard job. No heavy lifting but then again there is the stress and mess). Yes, I got three small children out the door in the morning. Yes,I got up early. Yes, that morning time was hectic, and yes, bathtime and laundry was rushed. But for me it was way, way easier than staying at home. Very few SAHMs aren't also housekeepers and they do everything a daycare worker does. It just isn't paid.
Trust me if I wanted to be selfish I'd go back to work. I also worked in a Nursing Home as a Nurses Aide. Not nearly as hard as a SAHM. And it is considered a tough job. Selfish? I'd go back to that work in a second.
By staying home I don't ask my familiy's to "do without" anything but being drug out of bed and thrown into a car, being in a big group when they needed solitude and being exposed to teasing and noise of other kids. My kids liked daycare and had a lot of fun, but they are much more contented at home. Less stress. I am staying home because it is better for them and because it doesn't pay to work after daycare. Why pay someone else to raise my kids so I can do something else? I am so insulted by your "noble" attitude. I think it is noble to endure all the stress and low status of being a SAHM. For me working would be a breeze by comparison.
Diana
Edited 8/30/2003 7:39:46 PM ET by silverunity
We do not all share your SES, heavy on the STATUS, view on success. I have a son who wrote in his 6th grade essay that his main career goal was to find something compatible with raising a family. He wanted to spend as much time as possible being with his kids. If my daughter wrote that you would probably think she was "dumbed down", huh.
Look women bear the children and have the breasts for feeding them. To a lot of us it just makes sense to be the ones home with them. It is women like you who make this noble career one with low status. I wouldn't want to value my daughters only for what they can "become" in terms of career. I want them to follow my example of being capable of doing a lot but choosing to do what they feel is RIGHT.
I have missionary friends who had little college and make almost no money. Low aspirations? Mother Teresa, now there is an underachiever. My maternal grandmother had very little education and worked very little outside the home, and only after her kids were grown. Every human being who knew her aspired to be the woman she was. She helped so many children in her life.
More money, more education. Quantitiy, not quality. Doesn't prove a thing to me.
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