How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 7:32pm
lol~ never mind....perhap's you need to take your own advice, i havent minded you, or took your opinion into consideration and probably never will.


Now as I said befor if you would like to discuss sah/woh i would perhaps consider, otherwise would you please stop following me around with your bitter discourse...Go away.


Edited 8/30/2003 7:41:12 PM ET by silverunity

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:11pm
OY....Now WOHMs are back to being "selfish" for working???? PLEASE, just give me a break!!!

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YUCK. I WOH and it has nothing to do with being selfish overall. Is it a bit selfish of me? I guess so. But i have a gift (educating) and it WOULD be selfish of me NOT to use it -- for others as well as my own kids. Ultimately, i don't see it as selfishness because i can raise my kids AND woh.

To me, selfish involves choosing one thing over another -- only for your own betterment. I've done no such thing -- i've chosen BOTH raising kids AND working.

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and how is that different than woh?

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when they were little dh never had to "drag" them out of bed and "throw" them in the car. He had plenty of time to get them out to bed, dressed and fed (or sometimes they ate breakfast at the provider's house) and into the car to daycare or preschool.

now that they're older, they are woken up (although ds now sets his own alarm), they get dressed and fed and walk to the bus stop.

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interesting. my son was able to find places to play (or things to play) alone when he wanted to be alone. He would be quite content to play with the toy dump truck in the sandbox all by himself.

both of mine enjoyed being in a big group...and their need for more alone time was either found there in a quiet place or at home.

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"teasing and noise" never seemed to bother mine. They loved playing with other kids -- still do.

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and you're right -- this is for YOUR kids. My kids were just as contented at daycare/preschool as they were at home. Daycare/preschool was never a source of stress for them.

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Having been in my profession now for 14 years certainly allows me to afford quality childcare. Even when i was 2-3 years into the profession, i made enough to take home enough after paying the sitter. But i certainly can see that for some it wouldn't make sense financially.

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WHY do you think i'm paying someone else to "raise my kids"? NOTHING could be FURTHER from the truth. "I" raise my kids. Dcp (now a nanny) takes care of them before and after school. There is a big, big difference between what she's responsible for and what I'm responsible for.

Eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:23pm
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I find that very difficult to swallow. I've let my kids know that they CAN be/do anything they want to do. That they should find something in their life that gives them joy and happiness -- and that they can do that AND have a family too.

My kids have watched by MY example that they CAN have it all -- depending on what your definition of "all" is.

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Well, most good woh mothers do "what we want" within the confines of also doing what we need to do to love and raise our kids. There is nothing inherent in that that is "selfish". There is no reason that i can't juggle the needs and wants of EVERYONE in my family - and find a happy equilibrium for all. In fact, after 12 YEARS of WOH, i'd say that i'm pretty darn good at it.

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and some of us can't begin to understand why others don't understand that working does NOT have to be incompatible with raising kids. Most of us are NOT saying that all moms should work.

To alot of us it just makes sense to work AND raise kids.

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I can't imagine anyone who would value their daughters "ONLY" for what they would become in their career. Good parents will love and value their children unconditionally and support them in their endeavors.

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i want them to follow my example of being able to woh AND raise kids and KNOW that they/I have done the RIGHT thing. I want them to find a job/career that is meaningful to them and that they enjoy going to most days. I want them to know that it is WELL possible to work AND raise kids....

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:25pm
I'm a bit confused with what you are impying. Are you speaking specifically of breast milk or the act of breastfeeding? Are we speaking in generalities or specifics.

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Studies *have* tested it side by side. It *is* nutritionally speaking better. However that doesn't mean a ff child will *suffer* being ff. Nor does it mean a ff child will not thrive. But if you are talking about *testing* the two side by side. Breast milk will be shown to be optimal as compared to formula

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When would it be the *better* nutrition? If breast milk has been proven to be optimal for a baby, when would formula outrank it.

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In what case would breast milk not always be best for children? Do you mean the feeding aspect of it? (like not latching on, not getting enough etc) or the milk itself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:26pm
Absolutely. But if you are a SAHM, the chances are probably good that you don't have to drive on the roads and highways....and can adjust your schedule accordingly.

When my kids were little, i had 2 of them that were still fairly regularly getting up in the middle of the night. I got about 3 hrs. per night...and had to drive 35 miles to work there and 35 miles home 9 hours later.....

If i was a sahm, i probably wouldn't have had to drive anywhere.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:27pm
"I am far from dumb and my 3 daughters and 1 son know it. My son is 13 and he is emensely proud of me, just as much when I am at home as when I work."

I think this statement speaks volumes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:34pm
I detest this statement....and find it (well, i can't think of a polite word for what i find it to be)

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WHat the heck is this garbage??? because I'm a WOHM, my daughter will care more about money and status and only value material things??? That's the biggest bunch of bull-dookie that i've heard in a while -- and this board is rife with it at the moment....

How about this? As a WOHM, I do NOT care about money and status. I do NOT value material things. In fact, it is easily possible to work and not care about these things. My daughter KNOWS that money, status and material things come FAR behind things like love, parents, siblings, extended family, fun, caring for others, etc....

I really, really find that statement repugnant. i hope it was just a knee-jerk reaction to CLW's post.

YUCK.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:45pm
So during the time your kids were in daycare, do you feel that the daycare workers were raising your children? Do you feel that during that time, your role as a parent was nothing more than a token? During that time, did you not have any authority, impression, influence on your kids? How did you end up making up all that lost influence and authority on your children when they finally were back in your home being "raised" by you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:47pm
Oh, how charming. My own self-proclaime stalker.

Thanks for the offer, but you don't match the couch, so I don't need you. Go stalk someone who actually cares.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:51pm
My son woke between 6:30 and 7:30am on weekends because he woke at those times on weekdays. Because he had an appropriate bedtime, which provided adequate sleep during the week, he didn't have a sleep deficit to make up by the weekend; therefore his sleep patterns remained unchanged.

Appropriate sleep habits, which allow for adequate sleep EVERY day do not result in a later weekend wake time than during the week.

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