How does this relate to the debate?
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| Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm |
Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.
I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...
There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.
There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.
Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new
Hollie

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Now as I said befor if you would like to discuss sah/woh i would perhaps consider, otherwise would you please stop following me around with your bitter discourse...Go away.
Edited 8/30/2003 7:41:12 PM ET by silverunity
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YUCK. I WOH and it has nothing to do with being selfish overall. Is it a bit selfish of me? I guess so. But i have a gift (educating) and it WOULD be selfish of me NOT to use it -- for others as well as my own kids. Ultimately, i don't see it as selfishness because i can raise my kids AND woh.
To me, selfish involves choosing one thing over another -- only for your own betterment. I've done no such thing -- i've chosen BOTH raising kids AND working.
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and how is that different than woh?
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when they were little dh never had to "drag" them out of bed and "throw" them in the car. He had plenty of time to get them out to bed, dressed and fed (or sometimes they ate breakfast at the provider's house) and into the car to daycare or preschool.
now that they're older, they are woken up (although ds now sets his own alarm), they get dressed and fed and walk to the bus stop.
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interesting. my son was able to find places to play (or things to play) alone when he wanted to be alone. He would be quite content to play with the toy dump truck in the sandbox all by himself.
both of mine enjoyed being in a big group...and their need for more alone time was either found there in a quiet place or at home.
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"teasing and noise" never seemed to bother mine. They loved playing with other kids -- still do.
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and you're right -- this is for YOUR kids. My kids were just as contented at daycare/preschool as they were at home. Daycare/preschool was never a source of stress for them.
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Having been in my profession now for 14 years certainly allows me to afford quality childcare. Even when i was 2-3 years into the profession, i made enough to take home enough after paying the sitter. But i certainly can see that for some it wouldn't make sense financially.
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WHY do you think i'm paying someone else to "raise my kids"? NOTHING could be FURTHER from the truth. "I" raise my kids. Dcp (now a nanny) takes care of them before and after school. There is a big, big difference between what she's responsible for and what I'm responsible for.
Eileen
I find that very difficult to swallow. I've let my kids know that they CAN be/do anything they want to do. That they should find something in their life that gives them joy and happiness -- and that they can do that AND have a family too.
My kids have watched by MY example that they CAN have it all -- depending on what your definition of "all" is.
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Well, most good woh mothers do "what we want" within the confines of also doing what we need to do to love and raise our kids. There is nothing inherent in that that is "selfish". There is no reason that i can't juggle the needs and wants of EVERYONE in my family - and find a happy equilibrium for all. In fact, after 12 YEARS of WOH, i'd say that i'm pretty darn good at it.
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and some of us can't begin to understand why others don't understand that working does NOT have to be incompatible with raising kids. Most of us are NOT saying that all moms should work.
To alot of us it just makes sense to work AND raise kids.
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I can't imagine anyone who would value their daughters "ONLY" for what they would become in their career. Good parents will love and value their children unconditionally and support them in their endeavors.
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i want them to follow my example of being able to woh AND raise kids and KNOW that they/I have done the RIGHT thing. I want them to find a job/career that is meaningful to them and that they enjoy going to most days. I want them to know that it is WELL possible to work AND raise kids....
eileen
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Studies *have* tested it side by side. It *is* nutritionally speaking better. However that doesn't mean a ff child will *suffer* being ff. Nor does it mean a ff child will not thrive. But if you are talking about *testing* the two side by side. Breast milk will be shown to be optimal as compared to formula
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When would it be the *better* nutrition? If breast milk has been proven to be optimal for a baby, when would formula outrank it.
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In what case would breast milk not always be best for children? Do you mean the feeding aspect of it? (like not latching on, not getting enough etc) or the milk itself.
When my kids were little, i had 2 of them that were still fairly regularly getting up in the middle of the night. I got about 3 hrs. per night...and had to drive 35 miles to work there and 35 miles home 9 hours later.....
If i was a sahm, i probably wouldn't have had to drive anywhere.
eileen
I think this statement speaks volumes.
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WHat the heck is this garbage??? because I'm a WOHM, my daughter will care more about money and status and only value material things??? That's the biggest bunch of bull-dookie that i've heard in a while -- and this board is rife with it at the moment....
How about this? As a WOHM, I do NOT care about money and status. I do NOT value material things. In fact, it is easily possible to work and not care about these things. My daughter KNOWS that money, status and material things come FAR behind things like love, parents, siblings, extended family, fun, caring for others, etc....
I really, really find that statement repugnant. i hope it was just a knee-jerk reaction to CLW's post.
YUCK.
Thanks for the offer, but you don't match the couch, so I don't need you. Go stalk someone who actually cares.
Appropriate sleep habits, which allow for adequate sleep EVERY day do not result in a later weekend wake time than during the week.
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