How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 8:56pm
School? Other kids activities? Errands? Doctor appts? (with school being the most likely)
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 9:50pm
The only way my dcp is raising my children is if all there is to raising a child is providing for they're immediate physical needs. My dcp does not make decisions for my children. She is not responsible for my children beyond her responsibility to me to provide good care for them in my absence. I am still responsible for my children even when they are not right there for me. The only thing I give up to her is the meeting of their physical needs while I'm away. If you think parenting = babysitting, then I guess she's raising my kids. However, I think there's a whole lot more to it than that.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 9:51pm
To borrow a phrase from another poster, Been shopping at stereotypes are US? Where do you get that WM's care only about the material??? Care to support that claim?
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 9:53pm
I feel sorry for your dd's. Mine will grow up knowing that they are not limited by the fact they weren't born with a penis.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 9:55pm
Apparently, doing what you want is only selfish when it involves WOH. SAH because it's what you want to do is SACRIFICE, LOL. All else is selifishness. Why am I waiting for the hell fire and brimstone part of the sermon? LOL.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 9:55pm
Who called her dumb?
Avatar for homesicktxn
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 10:27pm
Ya know, for a working mom, who apparently takes great pride in her work.... you sure don't have a lot of long range vision. If I am at home raising a future doctor... how is that less noble? If I am at home raising responsible, thoughtful, genuine people, how is my contribution to society any less? I didn't want to get into this thread, but I just had to respond.

April

Avatar for homesicktxn
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 10:42pm
The more and more I read your posts, the more I am convinced that you honestly think that money is what makes the world go 'round. Ugh! If I told you how much money it REALLY takes to support 5 HAPPY, WELL ADJUSTED, spoiled rotten kids, you would pee your pants. My kids have PLENTY of "stuff", go PLENTY of places, and do not at all feel one bit like inferior people when they are with their friends who are the children of drs and lawyers. I am the one who gets a little intimidated when I look at their cavernous homes, but that is my problem. I really don't think that SES is a factor unless we are talking about bottom of the barrel, super duper low income, can barely keep the lights on poor. I could post a bunch of links to people that I respect that have their own list of studies that talk about how positive SAH is and how homeschooling is the greatest thing since sliced bread, but ya know.... you want to work. That's great! I am happy for you if it makes you happy. I think you are selling yourself short. Your daughters will not grow up to be productive members of society because you went to work! They will grow as good people because you love them and support them. I am modeling for my daughters to find their passion and live it. I teach my daughters that money is necessary, but not the one thing that will make or break their happiness. I am a highly productive member of society. Mothers are the most productive members of society no matter what their working status. That doctor has a mom. She may have SAH or maybe she WOH, but you can bet that for the most part that doctor is a doctor because of something his/her mom did.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 11:34pm
Was you response to me? Because I was asking the OP the questions tongue in cheek. I was curious to know how she was able to reclaim her authority as a parent after her kids were being "raised" at daycare. Since she seems to think daycare "raises" children, she must have had a break from parenting when her children attended. ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-30-2003 - 11:54pm
My dd will grow up knowing gender has nothing to do with limitations.

She is growing up knowing the miserable *forced socialization* of daycare she endured isn't mandatory for her own kids and that avoiding such doesn't necessarily mean SHE has to be the only one who alters her life in order to raise her children the way she chooses.

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