How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:02pm
YOU think it's normal to A) keep a 7 year old up (or get him up) after midnight for a BOOK OPENING and B) that 5 and 7 year olds write in journals. Please don't preach about bizarre mothering.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:05pm
My point is that it's not like your work option is that great. You don't have the choice to bring in good money and/or have a great career. So whether or not you like a lot of family time, you'd be hard pressed to find a job that makes it worth it economically to spend 10 -12 K a year on childcare for two kids.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:18pm
But - how can you be sure that you really have enough money to meet your current and future needs? You still have yourself and two or more kids to put through school. God forbid, your DH could suffer a disability. There are many things that could easily change what you think is "enough" money.

But so long as your family relationships are strong, you have "enough time" with them.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:18pm
So? You couldn't buy my 3 bedroom APARTMENT for much less than $184, and in my neck of the woods, condos in my development are considered "affordable housing" and are VERY hot sellers (a neighbor recently sold her condo on the first day it listed...for about $15K *more* than she listed it for. And she had 4 offers to choose from).

Do I really *need* my $184K-ish home? Well, yeah. I couldn't *buy* anything cheaper to replace it (and since my mortgage is now less than half the resale value of the house, I could never HOPE to qualify for a mortgage for even another condo in my own neighborhood). And I sure as HECK couldn't afford to RENT anything even close to comparable.

In fact, the best I could do would be to rent an apartment about 1/4 the size of my condo and pay roughly twice the rent than my mortgage costs me now.

You aren't frugal; you're pound foolish.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:19pm
How do you define "can't handle"?

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Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:24pm
Such is the nature of rising to the occaision and doing what needs to be done even when you don't like it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:24pm
I know you won't believe this, but ITA.

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Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:25pm
Yes, and they say I don't like what I have to do while doing it any way says it's not what you like that counts but rather what needs to get done.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:26pm
Yes because you wouldn't have a situation where moms were being made to pay with their careers.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:27pm
Not necessary since it's not necessary to choose between career and family, however, it would reduce the stigma against women. Either way you need mom to stay in the work force to pull it off.

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