How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:29pm
It was done at my dd's center. When toys were picked up, they were placed in a bin to be sterilized. The bin was up out of sight of the kids so they wouldn't cry for the toys while they were waiting to be sterilized. They did have a bucket and sink to clean toys the kids just couldn't do without.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:30pm
LOL, that has nothing to do with how clean a place is. I has to do with santitizing TOYS between uses.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:36pm
If your family is thriving, it's enough, lol. Look through history. You'll find that moms in generations past didn't have all day to play with baby. They were too busy working to keep the family home/business/farm going. Their kids did not suffer for this. Children never have required anywhere near all of our time. Moms with all kinds of extra time to spend with the kids are the new kids on the block. Even with a full time job, I still have more time to spend with my kids than my grandmother did because they've taken the work out of housework. All those appliances that reduce the amount of work housework is have freed up far more time than I tie up by working.

Just an aside but one of my favorite gadgets of bygone years is called a baby tender. It's a box with a slit at the top so baby can get air. Baby can just pull up and peek over the top. Moms put mobile babies in them while they were working so they wouldn't get near the fire. How's that for quality time, lol. Moms simply have not had the kind of time we do today. Today's WM has more time to spend with her kids than moms of past generations did. That's all the proof I need that my kids don't need me home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:36pm
You are absolutely right and every one of my teenagers' friends would tell you the same! 95% of all my time in the car taking my kids to things involve taking someone else's kid who otherwise wouldn't be able to do the activity because mom and dad are working. I've taken other people's children to job interviews, high school registration, clubs, other activities, dance, shopping and just about anything else you can think of because mom and dad weren't available. I've lived in several different communities and its ALWAYS the same.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:37pm
But we weren't talking about your kids having "no abilities/ prospects of gainful employment" we were talking about them not being doctors and lawyers and such.

I'd be just as happy for my dd to be the manager of the local shoe store as I would for her to be a lawyer ... as long as she's happy doing it and being a mature, responsible adult.

<>

Its not that hard. I encourage their drive to succedd at what THEY WANT TO DO .. not at what I WANT THEM TO DO.

<>

Nope. I have a good life. If theirs is no better, they'll still be happy and mature and responsible. That's enough. In fact, they could have less than I do and I'd still be happy and proud of/for them.

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:37pm
So now you interject tone in my posts. Whatever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:38pm
BULLCHIT! LOTS of people live on 30K.

Maybe YOU can't do it, in your chose locale with your chosen lifestyle. But MANY MANY MANY people can and do every day. And those people are no less happy than you. They are no less special than you. They are no less valuable than you.

Hollie

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:39pm
I've already done that, lol. I've used my cousin and her son's medical problems as an example of such on many an occaision. She cannot afford the kind of care he needs if she works so she doesn't. She'd love to just get a break from the 24 x 7 demands of his care but she knows she can't.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:39pm
Funny .. I haven't paid with my career.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:40pm
Umm, because she knows her expenses? and her income? and has planned for a possible increase in those? Because SHE knows HER needs?

Why would you assume that she's (well, her dh) not going to be able to support her family in the future?

That's just a truly odd, and poor, assumption.

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