How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:49pm
But it doesn't take a neurosurgeon or a highly skilled professional to do that! A teacher can do that ... A retail manager can do that ... A graphic designer can do that ... A newspaper editor can do that ... A bus driver can do that ... A lab technician can do that ... A secretary can do that ...Shall I go on?

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:49pm
But doing what you don't like to do WITHOUT whining and complaining about it is the better example.

It's never good to model whiny self-centered martyrdom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:50pm
How the hell do you know that? How do you know what her skills and education are? How do you know that she isn't able to go out and get a $30K job right now?

ASSumptions .. ASSumptions ... ASSumptions

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:50pm
LOL! I've been staying home for 16 years and I'm the LAST person that my girls would call "traditional". My daughters know my reasons for staying home and I've raised them to be able to make an informed decision for themselves. I've been in school part time for as long as they can remember and being that they are both all A students with confidence and a multitude of friends, I must have done SOMETHING right!! I wish I could say the same for all their friends that depend on me who don't have their parents around much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:51pm
Which professional world would that be? The only professions I know of off-hand that have the level of flexibility you do would be scientists, some engineers and possibly some lawyers. I don't think a doctor at hospital would be able to walk out on his/her shift regardless of whether he/she were busy or not at that time. I know that most people working in an office would not be able to disappear for the odd half-hour during the day. Just how flexible to people really get in the professional world if you define your job as "not flexible"?

Laura, who has a pretty flexible job and knows how darned lucky she is to have that.

Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:51pm
Yes but wanting something isn't supportable as a debate stance. What you want is what you want but don't sit here and tell me I don't have enough because I don't have what you want. Wanting something does not make it the better thing to have. It just makes it the thing YOU want. The reason people choose different lifestlyles is that different people want different things but that doesn't mean that one is bad and the other good. It just means we want different things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:52pm
Considering that only a third of kids who enroll in college actually finish with a degree, I think that a bit more than goals and aspirations are needed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:54pm
I was with you until the end of your post. But happy and mature and responsible is the baseline I want for my kids. I'm sorry, I do want them to be professionals in some field, using their intellect and passion for some endeavor that stretches them and adds something to the world at large.

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Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:55pm
Where did I say they didn't. What I take offense to is MY being told that I don't have enough time because I don't have what someone else wants. The fact that you want something does not make it better. It just makes it what YOU want. The only thing that would change here if I had more time at home is I'd spend more time on myself. I know this because I worked part time after dd#2 was born and the only thing that changed is I picked back up hobbies I abandoned after dd#1 was born and I was working full time and then I went one step further and got into the habit of posting on bb's. Since going back full time, I've given up all the hobbies except this one. It never was my kids who were short on time. It was time for myself I was short on.

You want more time. I want more security for my family. The fact we want different things, however, does not speak to the rigthness or wrongness of what we want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 1:56pm
I don't get the difference between an unemployed mom and a SAHM. I enjoy and want to be with my children, but I don't "aspire" to be with them. I aspire to be the best mother I possibly can be - how does that aspiration require a special breed of mom called a SAHM?

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