How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 6:58pm
There's a huge difference between "not working", including the "crime" of "having no marketable skills" and not be a neurosurgeon or some other highly skilled/highly paid profession.

I don't meet your qualifications of being a neurosurgeon or other highly paid profession, yet I have always worked and always shall work and I have extremely marketable skills.

And you still look on my income and my profession as barely above that of a homeless derelict.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 7:14pm
that's almost FUNNY! I bust my butt to make sure that my kids get to their activities by ME. oh, yeah, and i work.

as for helping at the school, i wouldn't do that as a sahm anyway -- just not my cup of tea. Of course that doesn't mean that i'm not "contributing" to the school in other ways.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 7:16pm
Perhaps you were busy picking up the slack at high school, but I don't ever remember seeing you at the bowling center every Saturday morning at 8am, signing in new kids to the league, coaching kids who were struggling to learn the game, collecting fees, ensuring everyone got shoes. I don't remember you urging kids with SAH parents unwilling to provide rides to tournaments to go ahead and register and let me and the other WP parent coaches worry about transportation.

Nor do I remember you helping to deliver the traveling golf team and their equipment to matches, and I know I would have, considering the fun I had finding room for 6 sets of clubs in the trunk of my Chevy Cavalier.

I don't remember you volunteering as Den Mother for Cub Scouts, when it was me, my WOH ex and my WOH un-married, childless coworker keeping the den running for two years.

I don't remember the SAH's volunteering to help me sew the 150+ choir robes (over 3 years' time and in 3 separate schools) in the evenings during the week, nor stuffing envelopes for the front office, nor compiling project folders for teachers my son didn't even have.

I DO, however, remember more than one SAH griping and whining about how WOH "never lift a finger to help", as if we are all obligated to only volunteer for the pet projects that SAHMs favor to be considered "pulling our weight."

It seems those determined to dismiss WOHMs as slackers forget there are literally millions of volunteer activities that are worthy of our time and efforts and only a couple of them occur at school.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 7:19pm
Another funny! My oldest is going into 7th grade. I've managed to let them be involved in gymnastics, soccer, basketball, scouts and religious education -- all without asking others for help.

I have no doubt that that will continue as they enter into high school. There's no reason to think it wouldn't.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 7:20pm
Nope, she's just one of those who believes if the volunteer activities don't occur AT school, DURING the school day, in front of all the other moms, it doesn't count as volunteering. After all, if you don't volunteer in public so that other moms can judge you, you don't get credit.

Now you know why so many of us WOHMs hate the P portion of the PTA.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 7:23pm
That's funny again! My son has been an honor roll student for 3 years in a row. and i don't expect any less of his sister (this is the first year that she will have the chance to make honor roll). HOWEVER did he manage it, all the while having a WOHM?

Hmmm, however did i manage it in jr. high and high school?? I also had a WOHM.

UGH.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 7:34pm
BUT wouldn't that have to do with PARENTING -- and the expectations instilled by the parents??? It doesn't seem that the friend's mom's WOH status would have anything to do with it.

Would you like me to tell you about the sahm that i know (who only just started woh a few years ago cleaning houses)? Her oldest is not going to college nor trade school and was working at Walmart. I don't know if her son (going into 7th grade) has any serious considerations about going to college. I DO know that MY kids absolutely understand that they need some type of formal education beyond high school - and that they should have dreams to reach for. My son is already trying to decide which position he should try out for on the UCONN Huskies, LOL!

Again, the example you raised has NOTHING WHATSOEVER to do with work status -- and EVERYTHING to do with the way in which she PARENTED. Completely and totally unrelated things.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 7:51pm
No it doesn't. Not all WMs work when the rest of the family works or attends school. I do errands when I'm not at work, but that doesn't detract from "family time" because my family is at work when I do my errands. I do my errands after work--between 8 and 10am--and don't lose a single minute of "family time."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 7:58pm
5 and 7 year olds all write in journals in Howard County, Montgomery County, Anne Arundel County and Carroll County, MD. It's a requirement for school. I still have some of John's cuter journals from that time frame, and I have friends with kids who are currently in the other school systems that have confirmed journaling is still a major requirement in the early elementary curriculum.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 8:27pm
oh would you please get over yourself, you actually believe that b/c of you i have a choice and that i owe you something. now that is funny.

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