How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 8:31pm
What does this have to do with anything I said.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 8:39pm
You said <>

And I responded in that vein ... you DO pay people to clothe your children, feed them, etc ... none of us do 100% of it

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 8:45pm
I still dont get it, Iam not talking about paying people to make clothes for my children or grow crops for my children, i do not pay anyone to put clothes on them or feed them. I we take full responsibility for childcare.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 8:56pm
Yep! Include Baltimore County in that list.. I still have a great essay on Cal Ripken from when ds was in first grade.. precious!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 9:09pm
The point is that there's not much difference. Why is it wrong to pay someone to put clothes on my child, but not wrong to pay someone to make those clothes?

We're not talking about paying someone to LOVE your child, or to RAISE them, or to be theri parent. That would be wrong.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 9:37pm
I have never said you or anyone was wrong for paying for childcare i never said you had to pay soemone to love them or raise them, i have no problems with your choice it is what works best for you not for me. Imo the examples you give are clearly different priorities for me. You asked who has the tougher job this is my response. http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-pssahwoh&msg=12027.466

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:13pm
No, I wanted to sah because it would have been more difficult for MY ENTIRE FAMILY if I returned to work. Why is that so hard for some people to understand? Dh and I both have high pressure, demanding careers. It is just easier for one of us to do his or her job when the other one is at home (dh had a couple of months between jobs a couple of years ago and it was great for me ; ) The thing is - he doesn't want to sah, and I do. So he has been able to accomplish a great deal at work in the past few months and is more relaxed when he's at home. My 4 yo enjoyed her dc, but she is also more relaxed and happier at home (and looking forward to starting a.m. pre-school in a couple of weeks). The baby, who has stubbornly refused to take a bottle, would no doubt have had a very difficult time adjusting to any sort of childcare. And I am grateful to have this time with my delightful children. No excuses. It's just better for all of us this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:22pm
LOL! Yes, there is. And WOH parents also support their children in ways that go far, far beyond "Just" the financial. WHY would you believe that they would only support their children "financially"???

eileen

Avatar for mommaisboss
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:25pm
Well I say they are equally hard. I stay at home and I can tell you.......it is a hell of a lot harder than I ever imagined. I thought "I'll never be a stay at home mom. I'm going to have kids and a fabulous career all at the same time (yes, I was naive at the ripe age of 19, ah those college days). I think moms in general have the hardest job.

I would like to be born a man in my next lifetime, LOL!!!!

:)Rachel

Avatar for kacee2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:32pm
"As you pointed out, while SAHM's are doing what THEY want to do, many WM's are doing what needs to be done. Doing what needs to be done is far nobler than doing what you want to do."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Excuse me... but I think a lot of WM are doing what THEY want to do while many SAHM's are doing what needs to be done. While many WM are working because they have to provide essentials, SOME are working to buy that bigger SUV, that bigger house, go on that fancy vacation. What is noble about that? At the same time many SAHM's are doing without the above (SUV, house, vacation) to raise future adults.

Poof!!! I'm gone!!

KaCee

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