How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

Pages

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:33pm
Uh, Cyndi.

"She said "What kind of role model would a mom who refuses to work when it's in her family's best interest she work be??"

My response to both of you was that no one said that kind of SAHM was a great role model. More specifically, I asked you who said that that kind of SAHM WAS a great role model. The answer is that NO ONE said that kind of SAHM was a great role model.

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:35pm
I couldn't disagree more. Perhaps to the situation all that matters is that it gets done, but I'd be a lame role model is all I did was b*tch about doing what I needed to do, whether I did it or not.
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:37pm
Hm. I wonder how come men in the work force do just fine considering that noth every man is in the workforce. Not every dad and not every man.
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:38pm
Well then go respond to them. I said no such thing.
Avatar for mommaisboss
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:39pm
WHOA.............hold your horses girl.

How can you even make a statement like that? I SAH and I plan to be a very positive role model for my daughter. I am college educated and was in the work force for a while before I had children. I plan to encourage my daughter to be the best person she can be. She will know she can be anything that she wants to be whether it be a doctor or a dry cleaning clerk. Because I stay at home makes me less of a role model? Yeah, who wants to be a mom who sits on her ass and eats bon bons all day and watches soaps. I choose to stay at home because I want to be the one raising my children and because I can (which some are not able to do so)... and my children do not do without....DH is an excellent provider. I do not criticize other women when they "choose" to work (when they do not have to....."I don't think I could sit at home with my kids all day everyday, it would drive me crazy" "I like having nice things" etc...........) This is the problem with women in general.....we are so freakin' catty and criticize one another when we should support each other. I think we should not worry about what others do (whether they stay at home or work) and worry about what is best for our own families. Hopefully you will realize that women need to stick together and rejoice in motherhood in general.

:)Rachel
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:40pm
That's interesting. Most of the wohms that i know are NOT working FOR the SUV, yadda, yadda, yadda....however, it may be that they can afford it BECAUSE they work. BIG, BIG difference.

Oh, and what exactly is it that sahms are doing that wohms are not??? Last time i looked i thought we were ALL working hard to raise great kids to be the "future adults". WHY can't i do that as a WOHM??? I think MY WOHMOM did a damn fine job.

Should i mention that the sah family across the street from me is the one with the double-size lot (they bought the land next to their house), inground pool, Lexus SUV and their brand new Jet-ski...?????

Funny, cause we've managed with our tiny backyard, summer YMCA membership, 1996 Honda accord which just hit 120,000....but we do have plenty of plastic boats that float in the tub? Do those count? LOL!

eileen

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:42pm
Hell, I'm a SAHM and I agree with that 1000%.
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:44pm
My 5 year old was required to write in a journal last school year and encouraged to write in one at home. IMO, it's a good habit to get into, and one vital in my daily life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:46pm
It's hard to reconcile these two statements:

<>

<>

The first would seem to imply that sah parents "raise their children" and that wohps do not. The second would seem to indicate that we should all support each other. HOW in the world can you "stick together" with me, if you don't think wohps are raising their own kids???

Oh, and i LOVE being a MOM, raising my kids AND being a teacher.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 10:55pm
Boy, you're really distorting what I said. I was responding to CLW's post which said that sahm's can't handle both work and a family. I was simply saying that while my family may function better at this point in time with a sahp, that does not mean that I can't handle both. I could if I had to. I don't have to. And I choose not to. That does not mean that I "gave up."

I suppose you are right about it depending on "how committed you are to working." I'm committed to my family, and we are "making it work."

Pages