How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 11:03pm
I think typically parents put their money together. So, say you have two kids in daycare, coming to $6 per hour. You then look at the parent who makes the least of the two. If that is....say $10 per hour, you can bet that about $2.80 per hour goes to taxes. Then after the $6 per hour, the extra being brought in is only $1.20 per hour, or $48 for a 40 hour work week. So, while they might "split" the costs, that $6 per hour, plus the $2.80 per hour in taxes isn't going to be paid out if the parent making the least amount stays home, taking care of the kids. Personally, I don't think it is worth it for my husband or me to WOH just for $1.20 per hour extra for our family.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 11:05pm
Whatever my kids do, whether they clean out gutters for a living, or neurosurgery, i *want* them to be happy....period. nothing more, and nothing less. why would i want them to do what *i* want them to do? i want them to do what makes them happy.

<<<>>> not really. as good, yes, but better? actually, that would be just icing on the cake.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 11:38pm
and that's why i make much more than $10/hr.

eileen

Avatar for taylormomma
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2003
Sat, 08-23-2003 - 11:53pm
But what if they want to be craftsmen? Why is only work done with the intellect valuable?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:42am
WRONG, as usual. The statistic that she's quoted is that the difference in actual time spent with children (as in quality, doing, talking, etc) between a sahm and that of a wohm has been measured by a study to be no more than 23-24 MINUTES per day. Of course, that's averaged over 18 years (as it should be since parenting is a LONG HAUL thing)...and by the time our kids are in school, the differences between time spent with a sahm and time spent with a wohm would almost be negligible.

Of course, from your perspective, if the only time that counts is mom time, then no, minutes per day would not work for you. However, i like the fact that my kids play with their friends, play with each other, read books, play basketball in the driveway, do their sports activities, religious school, etc. I find that much more balanced than only spending time with MOM. Luckily at almost 12 years old, my ds has his OWN playmates as does his 7.5 year old sister and they have plenty of things that they like to do without me. However, before you say it, that doesn't mean that they don't like to do things with me, or that at times i'm not the playmate....I'm MOM.

So, i'll stand as having corrected myself. First, she did say that there are times that she spends minutes per day with her family, but i have a strong feeling that she's not talking about all the HOURS that occur on a basis that may not be daily - you know, like those family activities that they might do or go to on a Sat. or Sun. afternoon. Second,it's only a problem if the only time that counts is Mom time. In my house it's not -- as i suspect that it would be the same in her (CLW) home.

BTW, if i've cremated this in any way i'll be back tomorrow (aren't you the lucky one, LOL!) to clarify. It's just about pumpkin time here.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 1:23am
Hollie i totally agree with what you have to say about WOH moms and SAH moms. Stay at home moms have an easier time keeping the house clean, spending time with their children, and get to decide whether they want to do anything. They are not told what time to be there, how to spend their days, whats important to attend ( if the day they request off is important or not). And when your finally off work you have another time limit to keep with the daycare provider. My life is a constant go go go and time limits. i'm glad you put your opinion on here your not alone. I have to work so its not a choice that I get to make. Thank you! Dahne
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 1:59am
So what? And *some* SAHMs are SAH to avoid having to work, or because they ALREADY have the SUV, luxury vacations, etc. and therefore *their* "sacrifice" isn't much of anything, is it?

Why are you comparing the motives of *most* SAHMs to the motives of only *some* WOHMs?

what's noble about THAT?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 2:36am
I beg to differ. If you've ever been stuck on the listening end of the whining and complaining, believe me, it's a RELIEF when such person finally leaves. I know friends whose parents worked as a sacrifice or stayed home as a sacrifice, and for those who did so while complaining about it, their "sacrifices" were NOT appreciated. Most kids would rather their parents be happy in what they do NO MATTER the consequences than live in the toxic environment cast by those who whine and complain about doing what they do.

Whining and complaining is NOT rising to the occasion because it drags everyone around the whiner down. Doing what needs to be done does not include making everyone miserable in the process.

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 2:58am
While it may be this way with very small children, and while I do have more flexibility as a SAHM (a good thing for us), it's not exactly true that SAHMs get to decide to do whatever they want, whenever they want. When kids are in school, you get to schedule around school and everything that goes along with it... just like everyone else. I still have to wake up, just like everyone else. I still have to get the kids up, just like everyone else. I still have to get us all ready and out the door, just like everyone else. And yes, I have to pick them up at a certain time... just like daycare.


More flexible at times, yes. But you're wrong if you think SAHMs don't also have schedules, time limits, and obligations. They might just be different ones.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 9:40am
Huh?

I don't think I said anything was easier or harder. All those different aspects have their positive sides and their negative sides.

One positive side of being a WOH and using someone else to assist you during the day so you CAN WOH is not having to juggle EVERYTHING by yourself.

One of the positives of being at home (be it working or eating bon-bons ;o) is not having to juggle your own schedule plus everyone elses.

IMO, there is no such thing as a mom who "does it all" when they WOH because they do get help from another person for 40+ or - hours a week. A WOH does not have the corner market on handling life. Just like there is no such thing as a SAH/WAH who "does it all" because they aren't earning money or juggling the many different schedules.

And....

If you think a SAH simply can't handle all that juggling...then the flip side can be said about a WOH. Obviously, they can't handle their kids...otherwise, they would be physically with them instead of working....(not that I believe that, but I also don't believe what you are saying either).

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