How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 11:43am
No. I didn't quit my job when I had babies. The only stereotype I reinforced was that women don't earn much but I've fixed that.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 11:45am
Um, I've said a thousand times that dcps do not replace parents. They are in ADDITION to parents. Yes, my dcp is more qualified for child care than I am. That's why I find her such an asset as a parent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 11:51am
Your right a provider does not replace a parent although a provider does take on your responsibility of childcare while you are working. Iam sure that makes her a asset to you.


Edited 8/24/2003 11:53:00 AM ET by silverunity
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:00pm
LOL. No, minutes per day is what we ACTUALLY DO!!! Don't have a link for this one but a time study was done of actual interaction time by mothers with their children. It came out with SHAM's interacting with their preshool children just over an hour a day and WM's interacing with theirs just under an hour a day. The difference was a few diaper changes. (this is the study alluded to in the other one that studies "parenting" time which, obviously, encompassed more than just actual interaction time).

Sorry dear. Add up the actual interaction time you have with your kids. Take out the time they're sleeping, the time you're doing housework and they're playing, the time they're watching tv, the time you're sitting on the park bench watching them play, etc etc etc and you'll find that interaction time is not measured in hours per day. Not by a long shot. It's been a while since I read on this but our conversations are normally only seconds long. My dd asks a question, I answer her, she asks another, I answer and she goes back to what she was doing and the whole exchange is likely to have taken considerably less than a minute. If memory serves me correctly, the average married couple spends something like only 10 minutes a day communicating when you add up all the time they actually have their mouths going and are listening and leave out all the gaps. We have a lot of dead air during our days. Dh and I are both home today.

It's 12:00 PM and I don't think we've had 5 minutes worth of conversations, lol. We had a 30 second conversation about dd#2 being so geeked up about starting school tomorrow. I asked him what part of the house he wants to clean. He informed me we have company coming for dinner. Um, never mind, make that less than 3 minutes. Our lives are made up of bits and bytes of communication not megabytes, lol. It seems like we do more because of the dead air time. If I ask dh a question and it takes him 5 minutes to formulate an answer our conversation wasn't 5 minutes long. It was a long as it took to actually speak.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:02pm
I totally agree and find it quite condesending how CLW states what a asset her provider is to her and her reason's.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:02pm
See, I just wouldn't say broadly that a dcp is better qualified to take care of my child than I am....differently qualified to take care of her in a center-type situation, yes. Better overall, no. I think it probably IS a matter of semantics. You have repeatedly stated that your dcp is better able to take care of your dd than you are. The implication of that statement is that your dd is better off with her dcp than she is with you. The logical conclusion to that idea is that your dd would be better off with her dcp 100% of the time. I think that you don't actually mean to say that, but it is the implication of many of your statements about qualifications for childcare.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:05pm
this is exactly what i was thinking. nt
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:08pm
The difference is a sahm is there in the home with the child, while the wohm is not she is at work paying for someone to be there for the childcare when she is not.
Avatar for cyndiluwho
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:09pm
When I spoke about minutes per day, I was talking about how we really interact. We do not interact all of the time. We tend to do things in bits and bytes with a lot of dead air in between. I'm not talking non stop with my kids from the time we get up to the time we go to bed even though we can have the same conversation going all day long. I'm talking only when I'm talking and listening only when I'm listening and I do so, like everyone else, for seconds at a time in between other activities. It's the actual interaction time between me and my kids that measures in minutes per day but that is true for SAHM's as well. I once had a copy of the study alluded to in the study that found the 24 minute a day difference in parenting time. It was a study that measured actual interaction time. The time you're talking to/communicating with your children. That measures just over an hour a day for SAHM's and just under an hour a day for WM'. (sorry don't recall the actual numbers of minutes. The online link is long expired and I didn't think to print a hard copy as I figured I could always look it up, lol. Live and learn.) The difference is communication that takes place during a few diaper changes.

Rare are the times we communicate intensely (we're usually fighting mad when we are). We usually communicate in bits and bytes in between other activities. That's just the way we live our lives. If I'm average, dh and I will have 10-15 minutes worth of conversation today. It will seem like more though because it will take place in 30 second conversations strewn throughout the day. However, the actual communication time will be about 10-15 minutes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:09pm
OMG! OMG! OMG! How long ago was it that you took such offense that we dared called people without a master's degree in engineering anything close to an engineer? You had a fit! Yet now you call a garbageman a sanitation engineer. Guess when you do it it's being pc or nice, but if we do it, we're putting down all "true" engineers.

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