How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:10pm
"No, minutes per day is what we ACTUALLY DO!!! Don't have a link for this one but a time study was done of actual interaction time by mothers with their children. It came out with SHAM's interacting with their preshool children just over an hour a day and WM's interacing with theirs just under an hour a day. The difference was a few diaper changes. (this is the study alluded to in the other one that studies "parenting" time which, obviously, encompassed more than just actual interaction time). "


I know what you mean about this and I think I would tend to agree when it comes to preschoolers and older, but this number of minutes must depend very much on the age of a child. If I just count time spent bf each child in the first year (neither were big on solids until they were nearly a year old), I would come up with about 4 hours per day (8x a day about a half-hour each time, Ds was a bit faster than that and dd was about that speed, and both really did nurse at least 8x per day until they were well over a year old). Add in diaper changing, carrying around (both wanted to be held constantly until they were over a year old) and the odd bit of play and I'd guess that it would come up to more like 6-8 hours. This time has definitely decreased now that they have gotten older and I think the time chunks are in minutes rather than hours, much as you were describing.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:10pm
Well, I agree that the whole "can't handle it" thing is condescending. However, there's nothing wrong with CLW's confidence in, and assertion to that fact, her child care provider.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:11pm
I'm quite capable of opening my own door, thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:16pm
Women have been working for centuries and you my dear are not holding the door open for me or my dd. You have NOTHING to do with our choice. NOTHING!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:17pm
SO? What is the difference between your child playing with his/her toys in the den vs. my child who played with toys in the provider's den????

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:18pm
Umm, what's wrong with feeling that one's provider is an asset? I love dd's dcp, and they are an enormous asset to our lives for many reasons, not just because it allows me to work. I am probably in a serious minority, but one of the reasons I wanted to get back into the work force again was to make sure that dd would be able to attend dc before she turned 4 (she was 2.5 when she started). It wasn't the only reason, but it was one compelling reason among others.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:20pm
for me, the differnce is my children are in my den playing with my toys not in a providers den.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:21pm
i see you've also been shopping at Stereotypes R US.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:24pm
Well, we have shower rights budgeted into our work time for those who bicycle to work, so why not :-)? And why shouldn't sanitation workers have a right to some flexibility, why is flexibility to be reserved for only those deemed professionals? Why should one change their jobs to get flexibility instead of demanding that one have flexibility with one's job?


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 12:26pm
In other words, you do have flexibility in your job, which many others don't

Laura

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