How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 5:32pm
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What type would that be, exactly? Do tell.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 5:37pm
How in the world is that "condescending" ??????????????? FWIW, MY providers have also been an asset to our family. THAT's the whole point.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 5:37pm
Don't sweat it. She's posting like a bored, lonely troll in search of a flamewar--totally not worth your time or attention.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 5:44pm
yeah...seems as if 3-4 posters made the same mistake....maybe the problem is with what you wrote, and we interpreted what you wrote just fine. of course if that wasn"t what you meant, that's not our fault.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 5:52pm
LOL! you're almost funny again!!!!!!!!!!! interesting since i have never seen kid's academic progress broken down into sah stats vs. woh stats....i find your contention ludicrous.

What hurts is that someone could actually spout tripe like that and actually believe it. YeaH, THAT PART HURTS.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 6:01pm
SWOOSH....that was the point of her post sailing right over your head, LOL! Man, you've got some boulder (oops, i mean chip) on your shoulder there.

Again, thanks, but no one needs to pick up any slack for me. Of course, other moms and i trade favors -- you take mine here, i'll take yours there...but it just so happens that we're all wohms who are HAPPY to help each other out.

And having listened to her description, I'd be proud to know her personally as being "the bowling alley type". Sounds like she's done some damn fine work to me.

Can you even begin to hear/understand what people are saying to you? Nah, i didn't think so.

eileen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 6:02pm
I'm sorry. It wasn't meant as a personal attack. It wasn't even meant for you. I was merely commenting on susannahk2000's theory that you could be a social planner from long ago, someone who would propose putting our kids into government care at the get-go. I suppose it doesn't look very nice what I wrote and I can tell it does nothing to further the debate so you are right, it is out of line and I wish I hadn't written it. But I do think that your posts (collectively, over time) give a portrait of you as someone who has attitudes and philosophies I find odd in someone who is a mother and I do believe your pursuit of the debate gets you to say some pretty bizarre things. (Which I can somewhat understand because I have done the same in the past--most recently, the "force your friends to attend your wedding at all costs" thread. I'm not sure how things warp out of control so easily.)

I know people have a "face" they use in debate and perhaps you have an angle you use to debate that has nothing to do with your real life feelings and choices. I get that.

Yet I don't know why it is such a horrible thing to say someone is not particularly natural nor confident in their role as a mother. Plenty of people are lacking a certain naturalness in their role as a parent (my dh is one of them, at least with very young children); that doesn't mean they can't be good parents. And the reason I think you aren't confident as a mother is that you are continually insisting that other people are better qualified to care for your children. I think if you had more confidence in your parenting, you would believe you could do at least as good a job as a paid caregiver. (I think a smattering of well-placed hugs from Mom can edge out any early childhood degree but that's just my stance.)

So although it may look as if I was simply trying to insult you, getting a jab in, that wasn't it at all. I do see that it doesn't really matter what I intended. I crossed a line that isn't allowed to be crossed, at least not within the context and limitations of this board.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 6:16pm
No, I don't think it is normal to keep a 7 year old up past midnight for a book release party. I think it is a Once In A Lifetime Occasion for a child who is very passionate about Harry Potter. It isn't normal, it is special. (And you are forgetting I brought his 5 year old sister. Try to go for the most shocking effect.) My children are capable of functioning with a flexible sleep schedule. They have shown no ill effects for occasionally staying up late for special events. You know what? They both stayed up past midnight celebrating on December 31, 1999. I don't think I am completely radical in allowing this to happen.

As far as journaling goes, you must have me confused with someone else. I have tried to encourage journaling but my oldest has some handwriting issues and doesn't write too much unless really pushed (and I am not into forcing something I would like him to find enjoyable.) My 5 year old writes letters to friends but doesn't journal. She scribbles in a diary but I am pretty sure you weren't refering to that. Could you refresh my memory? What did I say about journaling?

BTW I wasn't preaching about bizarre mothering. I was saying that from time to time CLW says some pretty bizarre stuff on this board. That isn't the same as saying she is practicing bizarre mothering.

Oh, and thanks for the journaling tidbit. I think I will get busy on that.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 6:52pm
I've got more shock 'value' than you. . .hehe. . .

Since dh was gone and dd1 was DYING to go to the opening (and so was I), I took dd1, dd2 (5 years old) and ds (nearly 2 1/2 at the time). Ds slept in his stroller the whole time. . .

My kids also do well with a flexible sleep schedule. . .of course P&J interprets that as sleep problems.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2003
Sun, 08-24-2003 - 7:13pm
Her is a idea for you escm, perhaps you have a problem with what i said so you and 3 or 4 other posters misread and mistook my postion to believe Iam just a militant sahm and my opinion is usless.

You must get a lot of exercise jumping to conclusion's. ;-)

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