How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 6:26am
ROTF ... I don't go to those extremes either Misty, lol, but I do keep infant toys and manipulatives separated from the others. Oral exploration being the reason ... lol.

Linda

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 6:34am
I understand perfectly what you are saying ... you aren't suited to provide child care yourself for the children of others, but your child's care provider IS. Some people are not suited to it, and some are. Finding those that are very well suited for child care is not an easy quest ... every time I read your comments about your children's care providers I smile.

Linda

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:00am
If you don't know anyone who sits around on their duff all day, please allow me to introduce you to my sister-in-law who won't work, won't clean, won't cook, won't do laundry and tries to sponge money off my in laws. I don't consider her a SAHM unless the "S" stands for slug.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:01am
Exactly ... but I do draw the line at Hari Krishna's, ;o), you know what I mean??

Linda

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:04am
I'll have to get that book, thanks for mentioning it. My father's family had him going on from high school to the College of the Holy Cross and instead he enlisted in the USAF ... they almost never forgave him. And then when my brother enlisted in the USMC, my father was one proud dude.

Linda

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:08am
Exactly ... no one is paying me to LOVE nor RAISE their child. n/t

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:35am
That is a fine explanation ... but in my experience, dual working families are working regardless of what each makes. 80% of the families I have/had are parents over 30yo, and have established careers. The other 20% are/have been single moms that work either because their career can independently support them and their child or because it can't and the gov't has a work ethic ... to be eligible for assistance they must perform community service or work.

Linda

 

Linda - wife, mother, grandmum                     &nb

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:36am
Didn't you get the memo? Pi$$ing and moaning about it is OK! Not only ok, but better than being happy SAH. Geesh.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:38am
Maybe the whole *who's got it harder* debate isn't really useful because we all have our particular circumstances, but I have to say that just from my unscientific observation, the two SAHMs who live closest to me seem to have it easier than me. We could *live* on DH's salary, but my salary ensures that the boys will be able to go to college, funds our retirement and goes into savings for home repairs and emergencies. No SUV, no big house.

We all have about the same standard of living to all outward appearances, but I know that one of the two couples declared bankruptcy.

Still, I admit to being envious that the SAHM's are taking their kids to the pool and the park while I have to get up at 4:30 to go to work. I know every day for SAHM's isn't all joy and sunshine like in the fabric softener commercials, but it does seem easier. It's just that far as I can tell, I do everthing the other two women do as far as working with my kids on their school work, volunteering at their school when I can, doing things with them just for fun, ferrying them around, plus all the household chores.

Parenting is hard work no matter what else you do, and when you add a job on top of it, I just think it's got be harder than staying home. And I'm talking here about easier for the mom, not necessarily what's best for the kids. I don't think that having a SAHP is inherently better for the kids (my SIL hasn't moved off her couch in five years!) or that WOHM's are inherently neglectful (or inherently better role models.) Parenting is a skill and a job or lack thereof doesn't dictate whether you're good at it. I must say, I'd really love a little SAHM sabbatical, just to see if the grass really is greener. Has anyone tried this and found that they didn't like staying home?

 

Avatar for 1969jets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 7:58am
There is nothing bizarre about elementary school aged kids writing in journals. If you intend to send your kids to school you had better get used to them writing in journals. Starting in kindergarden and continuing through elementary school. Both of my older kids started writing in journals at age 5.

As to the book opening please remember that it is not necessary to be as anal about schedules as you are. Some of us allow our kids to do special things (special to them, not to you) every now and then even if it takes them off schedule for a day or two.

Jenna

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