How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:08am
Yes, I think you're right. I think I am very focused on what I want. And by SAH, the stress is lower on your whole family, but the lowest for you, right?

I understand this a little better now. Thanks for the exchange.

Felicia

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:08am
I'll give you one case: just before I had ds, dh was hunting for the next post doc. The one he was offered turned out to be extremely well paid, in exactly the right field for him and would enable us to move back to Europe from the U.S. (something we needed to do as dh had not be able to make the adjustment to US life as well as I had adjusted to European life). The catch? The post doc was in Switzerland, the one country in Europe where it would have been illegal for me (as the spouse of a post doc) to work and there was no way I would be allowed to have a working permit on my own. If I had insisted on moving some place else, regardless of the cost to dh's career, where I would be allowed to work, dh would have lost a golden opportunity. Since he risked a lot to follow me to the US for my graduate career, I felt I owed it to him to make sure he got this opportunity. As it turned out, I stayed fully at home for the first nearly 2 years and then took the opportunity to finish my Master's thesis the last year we were in Switzerland. We moved to Sweden in the middle of my second pregnancy and I knew that, although I would now be able to work since it is an EU country, I would not be able to work for the first 1-1.5 years since no dc here takes children under a year. Again, I could have insisted we move some place else where it would be possible for me to start at 6 weeks after the birth, but this was his dream job and a permanent one...it would have been insane for me to insist he take a post doc (another temporary job) some place else just so that I could start working early. Now that I am back in the work-force again, dh takes up a LOT of the sick days and holidays so that I can be more focussed on building up my career....for us, my willing to be a SAHM for those years was absolutely critical for us to get where we are today.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:10am
No problem if they go to West Point or Annapolis first.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:13am
Do most 5 year olds have the ability to print/write in cursive complete, full sentences? I didn't realize that. I understand journaling might be a common requirement in elementary school, just didn't know the average 5 year old was advanced enough to do so.

Suzymomm mentioned that her 5 and 7 year olds might spend the time journaling while she was having an ob/gyn appt. (or other doctor's appt, I can't remember).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:14am
No, a flexible schedule would cause problems for my kids (and for many other children as well, hence the normal child needing a regular, fixed, sleep routine). I thought your younger two wake up at night still? Mine don't.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:16am
Absolute bull hockey. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I pick up all the slack for SAHMs when I pay 40% of my gross income in taxes so YOU can get Social Security.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:17am
I think she means as opposed to the Lexus type.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:19am
Spoken like a complete ignoramus. Don't you have any WOHM friends? If you can't make enough to pay for childcare, and don't have a husband who makes enough to allow you to SAH and have the SUV, you're just SOL.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:23am
They don't know why you work, but they do know they have a bedroom, clothes, food and toys. Who cares if someone moans? They are soldiering their burdens, and the end result is positive.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:27am
OK, some of the posters on this thread have made me realize that I don't fully understand the mom SAH for the overall good of the family. That's MY problem (and I am not being sarcastic here). I need to think about this some more.

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