How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:29am
Not taylormomma, but I'll bite....I currently have, have had and have always wanted a career. I still don't get many of your views on the whole SAHM work thing. Personally, I would say that a career is something of a vocation...something I do because I love it and because I can't actually imagine retiring from it completely, even if I did win the lottery (dh feels much the same). Nevertheless, I was very willing to take a break from my career to be at home with the kids when they were very young...I always saw it as a break, not as a permanent thing and I actually don't see anything wrong with extended breaks from careers. It gave me, at least, the chance to re-evaluate the long-term direction I wanted my career to take and look around for ways to do that.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:35am
Well, now I would say that the stress was definitely lower for dh as well when I was SAH. Now with both of us working, anytime the kids get sick or have an in-service day (is that the right term? when teachers have a day to study and do other stuff) or something comes up with them, dh and I have to work out a schedule to figure out who is going to cover what. Before, dh could just count on me being there to handle all of that. In some ways, I think the stress levels increased more dramatically for him, until he got used to the situation.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:35am
I think it's a matter of culture and career field. There are 10 qualified people figuratively lined up outside the door to take my spot at any given time, especially in this economy. An "extended career break" is simply a fantasy for me in my career.

But my point to TM was that if she considers her work a job, not a career, she's going to be weighing family as automatically the priority concern over her "job," whereas if you have an interest in a career, the work side of the equation weighs more heavily when making life choices.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:36am
Right, I can see that. But you could arrange backup/substitute care for those days, and neither of you would have to miss work.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:39am
Good grief! My kids have always had pretty clearly set sleeping schedules, barring the occasional exceptional treat and dd still has trouble sleeping at times in the night....this can definitely be apersonality thing.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:42am
Ummm, a SAH that hasn't worked a minimum number of quarters won't get SS.

Not to say that our SS system doesn't suck .. it does.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:42am
You really ought to move to Sweden :-). Here, everyone is responsible for their own social security, absolutely no such thing as a widow's ss or spousal ss. Everyone pays their own taxes without regard to the spouse and earns their own social benefits.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:43am
But she might get it from her DH's check, as a spouse, a divorced spouse or a widow. And she may scrape 40 quarters together over a lifetime - the amount to earn in a quarter to qualify is pretty low.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:46am
No way! (but I am 1/4 Swedish - my grandfather, my only living grandparent, is 100% Swedish - does that count?)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:46am
That was very close to an admission that women with careers put career above family.

Read between the lines of <>

So, a woman with a job automatically places family over job, but a woman with a career might actually place career over family? If that's the case, then I don't want a career.

I don't consider my employement a "job". And while it may not meet your definition of career, its certainly more than a job.

Hollie

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