How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:49am
Oh no you don't.

My career is a significant factor in my life, but certainly not more important than my family. To me, if I had a job, I'd be concerned about the paycheck and benefits, but not a lot more. What else would there be to care about?

How do YOU define a job? a career?


Edited 8/25/2003 10:50:56 AM ET by peteynjoeysmom

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:52am
I think you are absolutely right about extended breaks not always being possible. And, as I have said before, it is not always very possible in certain scientific fields either. It was possible for me and for many I know and I don't see permanent damage to our careers....if someone can take a break and chooses to take a break it doesn't mean they are less serious about their careers in the long-run. Just as, if someone feels they simply cannot take the break or don't want to take the break, it doesn't mean that they are not serious about being parents and rasing their kids.

I also completely agree that the difference between a job and a career is such that having (and wanting) a career means that it will take more precedence in decisions than a job might.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:54am
Lol! It certainly changed the most for me. But I'm not sure I didn't just trade it for a different kind of stress. That baby who won't take a bottle is the most high maintenance, demanding little tyrant I've ever met. She's at least as bad as any partner I've ever worked for ; )
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Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:55am
LOL.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 10:59am
Ummm, well....not really. First, it is absolutely not the norm where I live to have any kind of substitute or back-up care (nannys pretty well do not exist here, there is no such thing as a sick dc and every single one of my friends work, as does every other able-bodied adult I know. Daytime baby sitters are unheard of...any other kind of substitute that you could think of? I am genuinely curious).

The fact is, from the company perspective, it is absolutely ok for us to take off for weeks on end if need be for sick kids. People in our depts. would think it downright weird for us to not take care of our own sick children. The juggling comes not so much from pressure from the company or colleagues, more from our own experiments which we just hate to mess up :-). We have got the system down now and it usually involves each of us working parttime on those days so that we can get the most important stuff done.


Laura

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Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:03am
My daughter does...and has since she first learned to write her letters. What you have to realize is that a 5 year olds journal is VERY different from a 7 year olds. And a 7 year olds is different from a 13 year olds, etc etc.

With DD, she started about 5, and she would just write a sentence or two here and there. And over time, it has become more thought-out and organized. Now, at 6 1/2, she could easily spend 30 minutes writing in her journal.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:04am
Seriously, how does anyone maintain productivity at work if they're "taking weeks on end" off for sick kids or for any reason?

Several posters on a long ago thread expressed surprise that I end up taking off about 10 hours during normal working hours per month (to be made up at off times). Sounds like your employer expects more than 10 hours a month to be needed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:05am
WHOA!!! wait a sec....are you just trying to be shocking in order to rebut lexus, or do you really mean that?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:06am
Hmmmm, do you ever feel the urge to take off your shoes every time you enter a house or stand in line to get a number ticket for your turn to get served at a bank :-)? So have you ever learned any Swedish words from your grandfather?

Laura

Avatar for mygriffin
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:06am
How about I pi$$ and moan all day at home while I'm doing the things that need to be done? Does that get me more points because I'm actually doing MORE pi$$ing and moaning in front of the kids? Or does that paycheck that my kids never see (and have no idea what it is) have to accompany it? LOL!!!

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