How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:26am
My kids have a regular schedule, but I'm letting them stay up late this weekend. Stbxh flies in Friday night, and if I enforced their "regular" schedule, they wouldn't get to see him 'til Saturday morning.

Additionally, my kids have always had a fairly rigid bedtime schedule. Both still get up. Routinely? nope. But occasionally. And ds DID get up routinely until he was well past two.

Rigidity vs. flexibility of bedtimes is not always a factor in night wakings. Can it be? sure. But does it have to be? nope.

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:27am
Since when does journaling have to be "cursive complete, full sentences?". Heck, when I journal I don't even do that!

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:27am
Believe me, I know how lucky we are to have the kind of flexibility. Dh's colleagues actually complained that he hadn't taken off enough time after dd's birth :-). We do try very hard to give something back for that kind of flexibility: I have gone in a lot on the weekends and dh goes in a lot at night if helps the experiments get on a little faster.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:29am
While I certainly don't believe that SAHMs pick up the slack for anyone, I don't understand your argument at all. If you don't pay into the system, you don't get SS regardless of how many people work (unless you collect your spouse's when they die). Your payments into SS do not pick up the slack for anyone.

SUS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:29am
But then that spouse earned that SS. That family would earn that even if she WOH. You're not picking up the slack.

(as to the younger generation paying the tab for the older? And all the other wrongs of our SS system? that's a whole 'nother debate.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:33am
Too bad your logic stinks. Involvement level depends on the parent's personality, not work status.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:36am
I define it much like your last post <>

And I've *always* held my "jobs" for bigger and more reasons than just a paycheck. And they haven't been things that were a stepping stone to bigger and better. And they weren't "long-term" situations. I've changed industries. I've done a lot of things that wouldn't "fly" with a career as a doctor or a lawyer. But that doesn't mean its just a "job" to me.

Would I quit if I won the lottery? Probably. But then I'd most likely continue doing hte type of work I am on a reduced basis ... pro bono. Becaue I enjoy working. I enjoy doing things I do.

If I was gonna have "just a job", I would SAH.

But I bet, if you looked at the details of my position and my past employement history, you'd turn your nose up as me having "just a job."

Hollie

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 11:36am
But you'd be hard pressed to make it in this area as the manager of a shoe store, and in lots of other jobs. They don't have to be professionals, but why shouldn't I want them to be?

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Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 12:22pm
Not these days they aren't. . .it happens occasionally as ds is transitioning from pull ups at night to undies, but not regularly. . .

See, they regulated their own sleep by my being supportive of their NEEDS. . .gasp, what a thought.

DD2 is going to bed at roughly 9:30 pm and gets up on school days when her sister's alarm goes off at 6:30 am. Ds is at a transitional phase where he needs a nap, but then has trouble falling asleep at night because he's not quite tired enough. . .he went to bed at 10 last night and fell asleep at 10:30, and was ready to wake up about 7:30 (when I tempted him with "The Wiggles").

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 12:23pm
Really. . .what an odd assumption for P&J to make.

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