How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 1:35pm
Well, if you're going to define being 'the best' as the top of ranks, then there are very few 5 star generals. . .and even if your sons went to the 'academy' they'd have to put in 25+ years to get to that point.

There are two different rank systems and my dh is rising in the ranks, just as a non-commissioned officer (enlisted). . .that doesn't mean he isn't successful or that he doesn't strive to be the best NCO he can be. .

And again. . .lots of officers come out of the academy without knowing squat. . .does their rank automatically make them 'better' than an NCO. . .

Again, it's obvious to you that rank and title are most important. . .and for me, they aren't most important.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 1:43pm
If I choose to go to law school (still up in the air), I will do just fine. But I don't see it as an importance for me to make partner faster than anyone else, or be making more money than most other lawyers or whatever you might define as "top".

That has nothing to do with the choice between being an officer and being enlisted, though. Just because you are an officer does not, by any means, mean you are the best or in the top of your field. In most instances it is the opposite, I have found.

Doing your best at something or KNOWING everything you can know about your job is not the same as striving to be the top. There is a HUGE difference there.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-1997
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 1:44pm
I don't know whether it's technically a journal or a scrapbook or a travel diary, but when my son was in kindergarten we went to Paris for a week and he made a "journal" where he wrote down or drew everything that struck him...there are drawings of Notre Dame, the Arc d'Triomphe, and subway stops, pigeon censuses, notes about the menus of different restaurants we tried, descriptions of what struck him about museums...."the pepel don't have any clotes on in most of the pictures. I call it butt art." It is among my most cherished mememtoes. He also has one from his year in Italy when he was 6/7. Very educational at the time, and a great souvenir now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 1:44pm
I am most comfortable with objective measurements. Schools, rank, etc.

Subjective measurements are just difficult to deal with. How do you help your children aspire to subjective, gray area goals? How can you attain them if they're not objectively set forth? It's not a goal to be "happy," happiness is a by product.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 1:46pm
If enlisted personnel are better military people than officers, why doesn't everybody start as enlisted? What do you perceive as the advantages of being an officer (and having your children aspire to be officers or at the tops of their fields)?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 1:46pm
Many of us make decisions in life that doesn't necessarily include "going for the top." There was a time in my life that I was going for the best: Getting into the best college, the best grad school, the best grades, etc. But since then I realized that sometimes going for the best just doesn't leave you with much to enjoy life. I don't aspire to be the top of my field. That would mean too many sacrifices, mostly my family.

Having said that, it's hard for me to say what I would want for my children. I guess I would want them to "go for the best" while they are young but be mature enough to realize that life has choices.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 1:48pm
Hmm, maybe you guys didn't grow up with the type of parent who whined constantly about how hard a life they had, how much they sacrificed for you, how much they hated everything they had to do in order to get food on the table, what an ungrateful bunch of good-for-nothings the kids were who didn't appreciate the hard life they had...etc. etc. etc. This wasn't my personal experience, mind you, but I saw it often enough to know that if you have a crap job that you do because you have to, you find someone else to whine to about it and leave the kids out of it...it is NOT a pretty sight to watch kids grow up with with parents who have that attitude. Working at a lousy job because you have to is the right thing to do, driving your kids mad about the fact that you hate everything about it is a good way to lose those kids' interest and love in the long run.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 1:48pm
I agree totally with your very last sentence. Most of us, most of the time, have to be content with attaining less than the very best. But you'll never get anywhere if your aspiration is to manage a shoe store.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 1:49pm
The kids might not like or love those types of parents, but the parents nonetheless are feeding and clothing the children, and that's the bottom line value.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 1:53pm
If children are taught to only aspire for objective goals such as "get straight A's" simply because "it is best" then they won't learn the reasons for these goals.

If they grow up thinking that only the "best" is good enough then what will they do if they face a conflict? What if your ds is a lawyer, has 2 kids and does not want to work 80 hours a week needed to be partner in the "best" law firm in the city because he wants to spend more time with his kids? I would think that the obvious better choice would be for him to take the job with less hours and *be happier.*

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