How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 3:58pm
I'm sorry you're not close enough to your parents to take their educational/career advice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:01pm
I don't have any aspirations for my kids other than I want them to be happy. I would LIKE for them to have a family, but I don't even "aspire" for them to do so because having a family isn't for everyone. However, if my kid turned out to be the manager of a shoe store and they were happy with that and their life, I would be THRILLED!

>>>And I'm sorry, but there's no way managing a shoe store is a "career."<<<

You are very very wrong here. Career is defined as:

1

a) A chosen pursuit; a profession or occupation.

b) The general course or progression of one's working life or one's professional achievements: an officer with a distinguished career; a teacher in the midst of a long career.

It may not be something you respect, but I think we have already been through the fact that I could care less if I have the "respect" of others and it isn't something I'm teaching my kids to strive for.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:01pm
Good point. Authority, and leadership role. If you're a non-military person, officers rank higher and speak with more authority than lower officers and non officers. Isn't that right?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:04pm
Well, by college, I expect my kids to have a much better sense of why good grades are important. At a younger age, they just need to know it's important generally to excel.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:06pm
I don't know about my dh "letting me" but *I* wouldn't feel right being AH all day and asking him to pick up dinner (exceptions if kids are very ill, I am very ill, etc.. you know what I mean)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:09pm
OK, why did I bother to go to law school? I could have managed a shoe store and still have had a career!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:09pm
I think it does matter that they understand why they are working to excel at a young age.

For example, I know a lot of people who played an instrument at a young age. Some were very very good. The ones who learned to play well just to excel at it quit as soon as they were out of their parent's constant watch whereas the ones who really liked to excel for themselves continued to play and enjoy it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:10pm
But it wouldn't have made *you* happy.
Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:11pm
LMAO. I'm real close with my parents, actually. I'm really close with my spouse also. But I still know myself better than anyone else on the planet.

The fact is, I don't *need* their educational or career advice. If I ask for their opinions on a subject they give them. But I'm capable of handling my own life and have been for quite awhile. I motivate myself, set my own goals, work for them on my own, etc. If I had any interest in what they do, I'd possibly have more to discuss with them. But I don't. And that's fine. I'm a big girl.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:12pm
If you're talking about generally speaking who APPEARS to have more authority. . .you're right it's the officers, but that doesn't mean they are more respected.

Why is the value of anything related to its appearances for you?

Are you really that shallow? That's a serious question. . .and not meant as a slam.

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