How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:14pm
I don't know why you went to law school. Maybe for the money, maybe because you think attorneys are better than shoe store managers. I'm not you, so I don't know.

If I decide to go to law school it will because I really enjoy law. It's like a puzzle...deciphering what the laws say, and how this one affects that one, etc.

Do you really think that only attorneys have careers?

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:15pm
What if your child can't "excel" by objective measurements?

What if your child has a learning disability or becomes disabled in some way. . .or just plain struggles?

What if the VERY best they can do is earn a 'C'?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:18pm
But that "C" would be his very best-- so that, I assume, would be OK. If he got a "D" then that would be a different story. (I'm being serious here.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:20pm
Ok, I must be a complete idiot, but why on earth is it such a terrible thing for one's dh to occasionally pick dinner on the way home? I am often at home in the afternoons so usually cook dinner, but sometimes we just get a craving for Thai food or sushi..which is a 2 minute drive from work for dh directly in the path towards home (5 minutes drive more). Is there I reason why I should feel guilty for having him pick up the food on the way home? Should I really pack up the kids in the car drive 5 minutes (probably waving at dh going towards home in his car) get them out of the car, get the food, pack them back into the car again, the turn around and drive another 5 minutes home? There must be something I am missing here....


Laura

Avatar for akpennington
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:21pm
Did you just want a career or did you want to be a lawyer?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:25pm
For me, if I were home with my kids all day then I would have many hours to spend with them. My dh, on the other hand, has about 3 hours to spend with them per day. I don't want him to spend even 5 minutes of those 3 hours doing something that I could do. That's just me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:31pm
Wow, that is a good question. I am not sure how to answer. I guess I think of a natural mother as one who allows a certain level of instinct in her parenting. One who guides, soothes, nurtures, and loves her children from the heart, not from the latest issue of Parenting. A natural mother can take in vast amounts of information and say, "You know what? I think the right way to deal with this is to do _____ and I'm going with that." I think a natural mother is comfortable with her children and comfortable with herself. Parenting flows from her, not a huge struggle with massive doubt on every issue. Haven't you ever met a mother who just knows the right way to handle a crisis with her child? Who parents in a seemingly effortless sort of way? Makes it look so easy?

I am thinking of the mother who figured out how to hold her baby and it felt "right" within the first say, twenty minutes of life. That would be an "ideal" of a natural mother. A sorta animal instinct thing.

I read a book a while back that was much better describing the concept. It was called Parents Who Think Too Much. (Which probably includes all of us here because we are debating this issue.) Here's a blurb from the back of the book:

-------------

"For decades," notes Cassidy, a mother of three who writes on parenting issues, "bringing up kids has been evolving from something instinctive, personal and private to something studied, impersonal and commercial," as today's parents, cut adrift from extended families and isolated at the office, have lost confidence in themselves--and lost touch with their children--and turn to books and seminars for pat solutions to childhood's complex problems.

----------------

And I don't think I get to define anything. I just made the mistake of interpreting many years of posts, developing an internal portrait based on the information in those posts and attributing characteristics to someone in a way that was not too terribly sensitive and in a way in which many people were uncomfortable. I understand that we are not to do that on this board. I'm learning. I said I was sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:37pm
From a totally theoretical perspective - why wouldn't you want your children to aspire to the highest rank possible in any organization? That wouldn't detract from their ability to also be respected and good at their work.

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:39pm
Given the choice, my kids definitely would prefer to lose 10 minutes per month of time with their father rather than put up with a half-hour trek in and out the car, but then they get more like 4-5 hours per day with their father so maybe that is what makes the difference for us.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:41pm
No, I do not, but I think it's insulting to doctors to say they have careers just like shoe store managers?

You're not going to go to law school so you can be gainfully employed and make money?

<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Pages