How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:42pm
What of it? If that's the way it is, that's the way it is.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:42pm
Both.

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Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:49pm
Because I love my children unconditionally . .I want them to do the best job that THEY can do in any endeavours. . .but rank isn't the end-all-be-all for me that it seems to be for you. . .

Go back and re-read the quote from Emmerson that cl-sus posted. . .that just about sums up what I want for my children.

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:50pm
Just that your answer surprises me considering the importance you place on rank, objective measurements, appearances, and being 'the best'.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:50pm
I want my kids to have goals that stretch them more than that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:52pm
I guess that's why you are where you are in life, and I'm where I am - both of us generally happy. I want more than that (objectively, not subjectively) for my kids. Happiness, PLUS status, money, respect, etc. Why shouldn't we all want the whole ball of wax for all of our children, even if they don't end up with it all?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:54pm
If my son who started reading at age 3 can do no better than Cs in school, he'd better have a learning disability. Without that scenario, why wouldn't you hope for the best for all of your children, in every endeavor? Including rank, prestige, etc.?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:56pm
Why don't you want your children to be their best, and hope that their best is also objectively very good?

Do you dislike something about rank, prestige, status?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 4:58pm
Maybe this is a problem of semantics? The difference between want and expect? I dream a lot of dreams for my kids and would love for them to have happiness, great careers, lots of money etc. (somehow I really don't go for the status thing at all...being respected by colleagues seems far more important than being well-known or having a high rank to me). However, I don't *expect* them to achieve all this and I won't be dissapointed if all they end up with is happiness.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:01pm
Isn't it conceivable that one can be happy without status?

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