How does this relate to the debate?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
How does this relate to the debate?
2771
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 7:56pm
Hey I rhymed! lol

Something occurred to me earlier and I wanted to see how others thought it might relate to the whole "which is harder SAH/WOH" portion of the debate that crops up so often.

I think that, when you look at either group *as a whole*, the WOHs might have it harder. And this is why ...

There are virtually no SAHMs who SAH because they "have to". There are virtually no SAHMs who are forced to SAH. A woman that SAH wants to SAH.(I'm sure there's a few exceptions out there; controlling dhs who MAKE their wives SAH, disabled children, etc) A woman that SAH doesn't hate her "job", or else she'd go get a WOH job. A woman that SAH is generally getting what she wants.

There are LOTS AND LOTS of WOHMs who WOH because they "have to". A single mom, or one whose dh doesn't make enough to support the family, or one with a disabled dh, whatever the case may be ... she may long, with all her heart, to SAH, but *can't*. Many WOHMs hate their jobs, but can't quit.

Anyhoo ... just wanted to stir up something new

Hollie

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:02pm
How did we get from pis$ing and moaning about having to work to "hating every second of their life"?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:07pm
But you do *want* and you would *encourage* your children to all that. I am with you that I don't *expect* all that and I wouldn't be disappointed if they ended up with less but happy, but I am with PJM that I would encourage my kids to aspire to be the best that they could be.

e.g. if they are capable of getting A's but they say that they are happy getting C's and skateboarding all day then as was said in one episode of Cosby show (does anyone recall that episode where Theo wants to be "a regular person"?) i would tell my kid that that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:07pm
Honestly, what is it about rank, prestige and status that is so appealing? Money I can see, because lots of money makes life more comfortable. A really interesting career I can totally understand as well because I grew up believing in the importance of a career as a vocation and something one should love. Being famous? Not remotely interesting for me and the prestigous things that are likely to impress me are not likely to be prestigous outside of a very narrow circle. Status is also beyond my comprehesion....I would a thousand times rather (for myself and my kids) be really talented at whatever I do and do really good things with my career regardless of whether that gives me status. So I guess my dreams for my kids is for them to find something they truly love and put their heart and soul into, regardless of whether this leads to rank, prestige or status....if they master their craft, be it medical, artisan, scientific, legal, whatever... and love what they do, they have achieved as much as I could ever dream for them.


Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:07pm
Of course. I just want both/all for my kids. Doesn't everyone? Why settle, if you're talking about hopes and dreams for your kids?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:11pm
Oh definitely! I am with you and PJM on that one...I encourage (well...shading that even into expect :-)) my kids to perform up to their abilities in school, mainly (as PJM also meant) to make sure that they keep their options open as long as possible. What they do with that background and their abilities is up to them in the long run.

Laura

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:12pm
But why should they have to aspire to the greatest rank? My husband never once even considered becoming an officer. It didn't appeal to him. Further, I would love to work in retail...being a manager or whatever. But I don't think I would be at all interested in being the CEO of the company. I would love to teach, but I would never want to be a principal or teach at the college level. I would love to be an attorney, but I have no desire to become a partner in a huge, prestigious law firm.

I know that whatever I do, I will be one of the most knowledgable people in that line of work. Not because I'm striving to be the highest rank, but because I want to KNOW what I'm doing. I want to be able to know my job inside and out and DO my job in the best manner possible. And that is true whether I'm working in fast food, retail, insurance, law, education, military or whatever.

As far as my kids, I want them to do what THEY want to do. If one of them wants to be a nurse, should I push them to be a doctor because the doctors are more respected? You might, but I never would!

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Avatar for virgogirl914
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:15pm
Do I have to worship something to 'like' it? You seem to worship rank, prestige, status. . .I don't have problems with those things, but they aren't the center of my universe.

I want my children to do their best. . .THEIR best. . .and I want them to be happy, productive individuals who contribute to their world.

If my child does that as a firefighter, police officer, enlisted service member or teacher, then I'm fine with that. If my child does that as a doctor, lawyer, officer in the armed services or as a professor, I'm fine with that as well.

I also realize that I nearly went into medicine for the prestige and status (because I thought that was what my parents wanted). . .and I was miserable. I went into the education and ECE fields because I LOVE it. . .and in the process I've worked my way through a bachelors and nearly a masters. I'm well respected in my field and am a leader in my field (at the state level at least). YOU might not consider that 'status', but the respect of my peers and affection of children is enough for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2002
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:22pm
>>>No, I do not, but I think it's insulting to doctors to say they have careers just like shoe store managers?<<<

They do have careers, just as a shoe store manager has a career. However, they are DIFFERENT careers. And if we go by your logic, where do we draw the line. Are YOU the one who gets to decide what jobs are worthy enough to be labeled a career?

>>>You're not going to go to law school so you can be gainfully employed and make money?<<<

I can be gainfully employed and make money as an administrative assistant or a shoe store manager or a police officer or whatever. If I choose to go to law school it will be because my love of law has one out over my love for other things. I could go back into insurance right now and be making REALLY good money. But I am not interested in it. Even for all the "respect" and money it earns, it wasn't worth it to me.

Okmrsmommy-36, CPmom to DD-16 and DS-14

Avatar for outside_the_box_mom
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:22pm
My son was five years old when he wrote his first book. I have it right here in my office. It's a book, fully bound and illustrated, about his dog. It's also written in complete sentences. His class had an "Authors Tea" this spring and all the children read their books to us. There wasn't a dry eye in the audience.

He also had to keep a journal -- it started off with what his teacher calls "kindergarten pre-writing" and ended with real printing using real words once he learned how to read and write. It also has pictures. Given that I've kept a journal since age 12, I guess I find nothing bizarre about my five year old doing so. We all need creative and safe ways to express ourselves. Much healthier than internet debate boards. bwhahahahahahahahahahahahaha

outside_the_box_mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 08-25-2003 - 5:29pm
Hmmm... if my dd wanted to be a nurse, then I probably *would* encourage her to be a doctor. It's not from a lack of respect for nurses, but unless she has a compelling reason for why she doesn't want to be a doctor, then why not?

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